A Stable Ever After
by Iadorepugs
Summary: ON HOLD, SEE POLL & LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK? Part II of ASR. AH, canon. Edward & Bella are engaged, but that's just the start. Bella has a talent for dressage that Edward wants to develop. Lives combined & love declared, how will they handle what life throws at them? M-lemons
1. Chapter 1

**Hello.....here we go. The long anticipated continuation of ASR. S. Meyer owns the characters, no copyright infringement intended. However the plot and Horseward are mine....don't duplicate or borrow without permission.**

**I hope you all enjoy part II. **

**Tawelephant, thank you again for the winning title.  
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**A Stable Ever After**

_So I say why don't you and I get together_

_Take on the world and be together forever_

_Heads we will, tails we'll try again_

**_Why Don't You And I ~ Nickelback_**

**Chapter 1**

**BPOV**

I stood in a bathroom trying to wake up as I brushed my hair. I caught a glimpse of my ring and smiled to myself. Reluctantly I took it off and put it in a dish by the sink. I was terrified to wear it out to the barn. There was a risk of damaging it or worse, losing it. I was paranoid about anything happening to it. However after several weeks of wearing it my finger felt naked without it.

Edward was still in bed when I exited the bathroom. "Get your ass up bum." I grinned at him and ducked the pillow he tossed. Edward stuck his tongue out. I did the same back at him.

"Love, why don't you wear your ring to the barn?"

I was surprised he hadn't asked sooner. "Because I'm afraid of losing it or damaging it. I hate not wearing it, but I don't want to risk anything bad happening to it."

"That's what I thought. Come here." Edward beckoned to me and I took his hand. Reaching over in the nightstand drawer he brought out a small black box.

"Now what have you been up too?"

Edward just smiled and handed me the box. I opened it to find a lovely silver chain necklace. "Now you can have your ring at the barn, if you want."

"Of course I want." I pulled the chain out grinning. "Thank you sweetie." I ran into the bathroom and grabbed my ring to thread onto the chain. Edward followed me and stood in the doorway watching with a smirk. Once I had the chain fastened I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly.

"You're welcome love. Now go feed, I'll be right behind you."

I winked at him. "I like it when you are right behind me." Edward chuckled and smacked my butt as I left.

It was damp and chilly this morning as I walked out to the barn. There was a low fog that had left a film of dew over everything. I walked in the office and turned the heat on to get it warmed up. Newton appeared out of the hay barn and ran in there before I shut the door. That was the only evidence we ever got that he had some intelligence. Aston had heard me in the office and whinnied at me from his stall. I stepped out and could see him watching me. "Yes Aston. I'm working on it." Masen poked his head out and let out a low nicker. It was cold enough I could see his breath.

"Well hello Masen. That's a first. Are you going to start talking to me too?" Masen nudged my hand as I rubbed his nose. I grabbed their feed and dished out everyone's breakfast. The barn filled with the sounds of rattling feed buckets and the munching of hay.

Edward appeared and brought me my coffee. "Everyone good?"

"Yep. Oh and Masen nickered at me."

Edward smiled. "Really? That's good. He's getting more relaxed every day. He likes you."

"I have to admit. I made me really happy."

Edward set his coffee down and wrapped his arms around me. "As it should. It's a big deal." He kissed me lightly before he let me go and we got started on our usual routine.

I was halfway through cleaning Mimosa's stall when my cell rang. It was Alice. I was tempted not to answer. She had been pushing me ever since the engagement to start planning the wedding. Edward told me last night as we lay there in the dark that I needed to stop putting it off. _You know Alice. The longer you put it off, the worse she will get. Better to lay things on the line early._ Time to face the music.

"Hey Alice, what's up?"

"My God, you answered. Don't think I don't know that you have been avoiding me intentionally."

I sighed. "I wanted to enjoy being engaged for awhile Alice. I don't want to plan anything yet."

"But Bella, you need to start booking places now if you want to get the location you want." There was a hint of a whine in her voice now.

"Alice, I want to make this clear. Again. We don't want anything big or fancy. We don't want a wedding with hundreds of guests in some ball room. That's not us."

Alice let out a noise of exasperation. "Bella, I know, I understand. But we still need to start talking about what you guys do want. I have accepted this is smaller scale event. I plan those too you know. I don't just do ball rooms and chandeliers. I also do backyards, parks, you name it.

I felt a little bad. "Sorry Alice. I just know how enthusiastic you get about this."

"Listen, why don't I come over tonight with some ideas for you to look over? I won't want a decision tonight. I just want a better idea of what you are thinking."

"Okay sounds good."

"Yay! I'll be there at seven. Is that okay?"

"That's fine. I'll see you tonight Alice." I hung up the phone and rubbed my forehead.

Edward was sitting on Remington, watching me from the arena gate. "My sister?"

"Yes. She's coming over to start discussing wedding things tonight."

"Well I think I need to go out for a beer with Jake then."

I pointed at him with the stall fork. "Edward Cullen. Don't you dare leave me alone with your sister tonight. I may need your help."

Edward laughed. "Kidding love. I'll be there, just in case I have to drag Alice out the front door to get her to leave."

Later we were inside eating lunch. I looked over at Edward. "Do you want to help make wedding decisions Edward, or do you want to stay out of it?"

Edward thought for a moment. "Well obviously I want say in what I wear and where we have it. I don't care about what flowers you will carry. I won't be looking at them at all when I see you."

I smiled. "Okay. I just would like you to have some input. I don't want to make all the decisions myself."

Edward nodded. "No cummerbunds."

I giggled.

"I'm serious. Vests are good. I don't want the traditional penguin suit. That is my first opinion."

"Okay duly noted."

Edward watched me for a second before he grinned. "Oh, will you exercise Mimosa for me today? I'd like her to get some light work a few times a week. Things will be getting busier with Remington for me, so I may need your help with her."

This was news to me. "Why are things going to get busier with Remington?"

Edward sighed. "Well it's time I sold him. He's got enough training now for an experienced rider to continue with him. We need to make room to bring in new projects. Not to mention room for Mimosa's foal."

"Oh." I knew Edward sold the horses he trained. I just conveniently forgot that little detail. Or at least tried to ignore it.

Edward reached over and took my hand when he saw the expression on my face. "This is one of the hardest parts of the job Bella. But I can't keep everything I train."

"I know. What about Masen? Will you sell him eventually?"

Edward was quick to shake his head. "No. He's like Aston. He's here permanently. Sparty isn't quite ready to go up for sale. Neither is Gunner, plus he's best buddies with Masen. Now would not be a good time to stress Masen."

"Okay." I was relieved Masen wasn't going anywhere. "What about Mimosa's foal?"

Edward kissed the back of my hand. "That's the other reason I need to sell a couple horses. Mimosa's first foal will most likely be the next show horse for one of us."

"One of us?"

Edward stood up and took our plates to the sink. "Sure. Depends on what Masen is up to by then. Aston will definitely be no longer showing. I'm only pulling him from retirement to give you a good showing experiences your first season out. Mimosa's foal won't be showing for five years or so. Other horses will come in. You may be showing Masen by then."

"Wait." I interrupted Edward. "You plan on me showing Masen?"

"Sure. You have a strong bond with him. Reminds me of Aston and myself. I figured you will at least start riding him some this summer. Depending on how things go, you might take him to some schooling shows. If not this summer then definitely next summer. I just want him to have some mileage before you start riding him. And I want you to have more time on Aston and probably Gunner."

I sat there speechless for a few moments. This was the most we had talked recently about my riding future. I had no idea the extent to which Edward really did believe in what I would be able to do in the future.

I must've been quiet longer than I realized. Edward reached out and shook my hand a little. "Earth to Bella. Are you okay?"

I glanced over. "Yes fine. Just in shock a little I guess."

Edward looked confused. "Why?"

"I guess I didn't realize how much you believed in my abilities."

Edward frowned. He pulled me over to sit on him. "Bella. You are very talented. You do have a lot to learn, but you have a lot of natural skill too. Not to mention you learn faster than anyone I have ever taught. Of course I believe in you. There is nothing you can't do, especially with my help." He grinned at me when I rolled my eyes at his last sentence.

"You and your ego, I swear."

Edward winked at me. "Well I just know what I'm good at."

I hopped off his lap. "Oh so do I." I raised an eyebrow at him and left for the barn, hearing him laugh behind me.

I had a good ride on both Aston and Mimosa. Mimosa was very happy to be out for a ride. I kept laughing at her because she kept trying to pick up the canter when we were supposed to be walking. Edward finally gave the okay to let her canter lightly. After a few circles both directions at the canter, Mimosa settled down and was willing to take things slower.

Once my ride was finished we walked over to where Edward was sitting on Sparty. "Apparently pregnancy agrees with her," he laughed.

"I guess so, silly girl." I patted Mimosa's neck. Edward and I rode the horses around the arena side by side, cooling them out. I always loved riding with Edward. I missed our trail rides. The weather just hadn't been nice enough to really take any.

That night I was just showered and changed when Alice showed up. Edward hollered from downstairs. "Bella, the wedding planning demon is here." I heard a smack and Edward swear. "I mean Alice, the all knowing planner is here."

I found the two of them in a semi wrestling match in the kitchen. Edward had Alice in a head lock, trying to give her a noogie. Alice was squirming and attempting to hit Edward. I cleared my throat and adopted my sternest voice.

"Do I need to separate you two? Put you in different corners?"

Edward chuckled and freed Alice. She glared at him before she bounced over to me. Edward headed up the stairs. Halfway up he turned and called back, "Love, I'll be loading the tranquilizer gun if you need me to control the pixie."

I laughed and Alice stuck her tongue out at Edward. I shook my head at Alice. "God you two must've been fun on road trips."

Alice giggled. "Um, so much fun Dad only tried it once. We almost gave him an aneurysm I think with our bickering."

We sat at the kitchen table and Alice started pulling binders out of her enormous bag. I felt a little twinge of nerves. Was I really planning my wedding? I played with the ring on my finger.

"Okay Bella. I am going to suggest five places. Hopefully one of them will strike you the right way."

"And Edward. He has a vote in some things."

"Okay. Edward too." Alice laid out information on the locations for me. There was one that instantly drew me and I picked up the brochure.

Alice smiled. "I knew you would like the Robinswood House."

"It's beautiful. And simple." Alice nodded.

Alice had me put the locations in order from my least to most favorite. She set that aside and started quizzing me on other details. Did we want a full meal or just hors d'oeuvres and cake. What about music? I gave her my preferences and she kept nodding and taking notes.

Finally after hearing her say _I knew it_ for the sixth time, I stared at her. "You are freaky sometimes. You are aware of this?"

Alice laughed knowingly as she pulled out bridal magazines. I looked at the clock and realized we'd been at this for almost two hours. That was when Edward wandered down to check in on our progress. Alice shrieked and hid the bridal magazines. Edward came over and rubbed my shoulders. I reached over and patted her leg. "Easy Alice. We hadn't really started looking yet. He didn't see anything."

Alice looked up at Edward suspiciously. "And he's not going to. No seeing the dress until the day of the wedding. But as long as you're down here Bella can get your opinion on a few things."

Edward and I sat and talked while Alice excused herself to the bathroom. He also loved the Robinswood House. Well one thing decided, probably a thousand to go. He and I agreed we didn't want to go to the extent of the formal dinner. He got a funny little smile on his face after he told me that.

"Why are you smiling like that?"

Edward leaned over so he could speak quietly in my ear. "Because once we are married, I will want to get you out of the reception as soon as possible."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Really? I like the sound of that."

I yawned as Alice came back in the room. I filled her in on the few things that were decided. Alice took down the date we were hoping to get married. She was going to contact the Robinswood staff right away in the morning. Edward stood behind me and played with my hair while Alice and I chatted. She left the bridal magazines for me to look through.

"Bella, just go through these and mark what you like. Hair, flowers, dresses, jewelry, whatever. Oh and if there are any tuxedos or suits you like, show them to Edward. Edward you need to help out with that."

Edward rolled his eyes. "I already told Bella I would."

"Good." Alice grabbed the rest of her stuff. "Bella don't forget you promised to help me cake taste test for Rosalie. Can you go a week from this Saturday?"

"Yes I can go."

"Excellent! We can go over more ideas for you then. I'll pick you up at ten." Alice hugged us both and left to go home.

I leaned my head back into Edward's hands as he rubbed my scalp. "Damn she is a force of nature."

Edward sat down next to me and pulled me over to sit on his lap. "Yes she is. But do you like her ideas?"

"I do. She has pulled thing that are exactly what we want. No wonder her planning business is growing so fast. She has a real good feel for her clients. It helps that she knows us so well too." I snuggled into Edward's chest and he rubbed my back. "I still can't believe it sometimes."

"What?" He murmured into my hair.

"That you want to marry me. It feels like I stumbled into someone else's dream." I still worried I'd wake up and none of this would be real.

Edward sat me up so he could look at me. "I assure you, this isn't a dream. I love you more than anything. And I can't wait to marry you. I'll call you Mrs. Cullen until you are sick of it."

I smiled as I circled my arms around his neck. "That isn't going to happen."

Later we were lying in bed together. Edward was wrapped around me, his chest pressed to my back. "Love?" He whispered in my ear.

"Yes?"

"I had a suggestion for our honeymoon."

We hadn't discussed that yet. I rolled so that I could look at him. "Well do share Mr. Cullen."

"You and I share a common place that we have always wanted to go. I'm sure you remember when you told me about it on our first trail ride. I just didn't tell you I had the same wish. So I think we should go there."

My jaw dropped a little because I remembered exactly what he was talking about. "Ireland?"

Edward nodded. "Ireland."

"You've always wanted to go there too?"

"Yes. For the same reasons you want to. What do you think the future Mrs. Cullen?"

I launched into Edward and knocked him onto his back. "You are brilliant. That's what I think."

Edward gave me his crooked smile that I could see even in the dim light of the room.

"But Edward. That's going to be expensive. Can we afford that? We are doing the World Equestrian Games and with showing costs…."  
Edward put one finger on my lips. "We can afford part. My parents have already told me they will contribute money towards wherever we want to go as a wedding present. I gave them a vague amount and they agreed. They don't know the location though. I wanted to tell you first."

"Oh my God. This is so exciting. Now I must marry you." I grinned and winked at Edward.

"Well I guess I should tell you I was kidding. We are actually going to a small town in Nebraska for our honeymoon."

"Ha ha, very funny."

Edward chuckled and pinched my butt. "I thought it was. You really like the idea?"

"I love it. There are so many places I want to see there." I moved up a little closer and draped my arms over Edward's shoulders.

"We will have to sit down and make a list. I'm assuming the Irish National Stud Farm is on that list?"

"Besides you, that is the only type of stud I will want to see in Ireland."

Edward rubbed my back. "Mmm, you flatter me, soon to be Mrs. Cullen."

"I only speak the truth." Edward rolled us onto our sides. "Ooh. Can we stay the night in a haunted castle?"

Edward looked at me like I was a little crazy. "Seriously?"

"Why not? If I have you there to protect me it's all good. You aren't scared are you?"

"Maybe. What if I need you to protect me?"

"We can protect each other." I yawned and Edward kissed my nose.

"Love, we can go wherever you want. Now get some sleep."

As I drifted off I thought since Edward had fulfilled so many of my dreams, it was time to bring one of his to life. I wasn't sure I could pull it off, but I was going to sure try.

**EPOV**

Bella slept next to me, a little smile on her face. I was so happy she loved the honeymoon idea. I couldn't think of anything better than traveling Ireland with Bella.

I was so proud of her development as a rider too. She had come so far in a short time. I knew I had surprised her by telling her she would ride Masen at some point. I meant it too. I had no doubt it would happen. Sometimes I forgot to tell her how much she impressed me. I had to do better about not letting that happen.

I had enjoyed hearing her and Alice giggle and debate over wedding plans. It made me smile to remember that by the end of the summer Bella would be my wife. I eventually fell asleep like Bella, smiling.

The next few days were the normal routine. I could tell Bella was up to something though. At least I thought she was. Finally I just attributed her sidelong glances and cryptic smiles to wedding plans. It seemed to happen in the evening while she would sit across from me on the couch, marking pages in the bridal magazines. I had promised her I wouldn't touch the magazines and peek at what she dog-eared.

One evening she tore out and handed me several pages with men's tuxedos and suits. We debated what we liked and didn't. I narrowed it down to two designs. We decided we wanted to get Alice's opinion before I made the final call.

I watched Bella flip through pages. Her eyes would light up when she saw something she liked. She looked up and caught me staring. "What?"

"Just watching your face. I can tell when you see something you like."

"Oh." Bella paused for a moment. "Edward, do you have any opinion on my dress choice. I mean is there anything you don't want to see?"

"Well I suppose if your dress was black I would find that disconcerting." Bella rolled her eyes at me. "Love, you look stunning in everything. If the dress you choose makes you happy, then I know I will love it. You in a white wedding dress is all I want to see."

Bella grinned. "Okay. Just making sure."

"Actually I will be more interested in what I'll find under the dress that evening."

Bella laughed. "I'm sure you will be. I'll make sure it will be something you'll love."

Saturday Bella wandered down to the barn before Angela left to check with her about her availability on a few days she knew we'd be gone in the near future. I saw Angela leave but Bella didn't return. After about twenty minutes I wondered what was going on and why Bella hadn't come back up. I glanced at my cell to make sure I hadn't missed a text or call. Then I spotted her cell on the kitchen table. I growled a little in frustration. She was usually better at remembering to take her cell with her. James may be dead, but since his attack I harbored a lingering fear of Bella getting hurt. Finally I decided to walk out there to make sure she was okay.

As I entered the aisle way there was no sign of Bella. "Love are you still down here?"

"Yes Edward. I'm down in Aston's stall."

I strode down towards Aston's stall quickly, concerned something was wrong. But her voice didn't sound worried or upset. I pulled open Aston's door and froze. Bella was standing there with one arm draped over Aston's back. My gaze started at her feet, taking in the black boots she wore. Covering her legs were a pair of black fishnet stockings. My eyes continued traveling up over her black satin boy shorts and bustier. I knew when I finally met her eyes, my mouth was hanging open. "Bella?"

"Yes Edward." She gave Aston a pat and started walking slowly towards me.

"Aren't you freezing?" It was the only thing I could think to ask. All my blood had left my brain and headed south.

"Actually, I feel rather warm." Bella licked her lips as she approached me. I saw her eyes flick down to gaze at my obvious erection. The predatory look she was giving me now just made me harder. My heart felt like it might pound out of my chest.

"You look…….damn." I backed out of the doorway and Bella stepped out, closing the door behind her.

"Hmm." She ran one finger down my jaw. "Follow me please." Bella started walking down the aisle. The sway of her hips was hypnotic to watch. I adjusted my jeans as I trailed after her.

Bella opened the door to my office and gestured for me to enter before her. I walked in, noticing she'd obviously turned the heat on earlier. It was nice and warm in here. The office door clicked shut behind me. I turned to face Bella, who was leaning with her back against the door. She pushed off the door and walked towards me. That's when she brought the riding crop out from behind her back and tapped it on her palm.

"What are you planning on doing with that?" I hadn't seen her pick that up. But honestly I hadn't been looking at her hands either.

"Me? Nothing." Bella smiled and set the crop on my desk. "It's more for effect. Why? Do you need a spanking?" Bella arched one eyebrow at me before she circled behind me. I felt her hands caress over my ass before she lightly smacked me. I chuckled and heard her growl a little.

"If you are going to laugh Edward, maybe I need the crop." Bella spun me around and then pushed me down into my desk chair.

"I'm sorry." I gave her an apologetic look, playing along. "It won't happen again."

"Better not." Bella put one hand on her hip and looked down at me. "Take your shirt off."

"We're doing this here?"

Bella gave me a very naughty smile. "Yes. Do you have a problem with that?"

I ripped my shirt off and tossed it to the floor in answer to her question. Bella giggled.

"I didn't think you did. Jeans next please."

I stood up and stripped off my shoes and jeans. Bella came over and ran her fingers up and down my chest. "Edward…." She whispered as she traced a finger around one nipple.

"Yes." I was breathing faster and Bella had barely touched me.

"What do you want to do with me?" Her voice was husky. Bella gazed up at me with her dark chocolate eyes boring into mine.

Oh what a loaded question that was. I wrapped my arms around her and brought her hips to mine. "Everything please."

"I like the sound of that." Bella slid her hand in between us and stroked my erection through my boxers. I gasped and closed my eyes.

Bella stood up on her tiptoes so she could murmur in my ear. "Do you want to fuck me?"

Jesus Christ. I growled and walked her backwards until she was up against the wall. Any control I had vanished the moment those words left Bella's lips. "Yes I do."

Our eyes locked again and I pressed my body up against Bella's. She moaned when I rubbed my erection against her. "Do you want that? Do you want me to fuck you?" I was sure how things were about to proceed, but I wanted to hear her say it.

Bella gripped my hips in her hands. "Take me Edward, now. We can do sweet and slow later." Her voice was gritty with desire. As she bit her lower lip Bella yanked my boxers down and let them drop to the floor. "I want you. I need you."

I eyed the conveniently placed zipper on the front of her bustier. As I stepped out of my boxers I peeled it down, watching her breasts spill free. Bella threw her top to the floor. In one move she pulled off her boyshorts, revealing the fact that her stockings were crotchless. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Bella knew the effect her remaining outfit was having on me. She tilted her head at me. "Do you want me to leave the boots and fishnets on?"

I leaned down and picked her up. Bella wrapped her legs around my waist. She gave me a little grin. "I guess you do. I remember the last time you had me up against a wall."

I grinned back. "So do I, vividly." I rubbed the head of my cock at her entrance. "Damn you're wet for me."

"Mmm hmm." Bella scraped her teeth over her lower lip as she watched me. "Always."

I brought my lips to Bella's as I slid inside her. Our moans were muffled by our kiss. The moment we connected things just exploded. Bella's fingernails dug into my shoulders. Her legs clamped even harder around me and she ground her hips against mine. I broke the kiss and we both took a loud breath.

"God I love you." I was trying to have some restraint but the sounds Bella was making quickly destroyed that idea. I thrust into her hard and Bella arched off the wall and into me.

"I love you, Edward, I love you. Fuck you feel good." Bella's eyes shut as her forehead fell to my shoulder. I could hear her panting and moaning in my ear. Her breasts were molded against my chest.

Things were quickly building to a fever pitch. Bella's nails were scraping along my shoulders. We were both getting sweaty fast, Bella's skin slippery under my fingertips. A momentary worry about dropping her crossed my mind, but quickly vanished. I couldn't even think anymore, my other senses had taken over completely. I kept wanting more. I wanted to go harder and faster. When I did Bella seemed to just become more ramped up. We were feeding off each other's energy.

"More, Edward. Oh God…….so close."

I groaned feeling her body tighten around me. "Fuck you are getting tighter, love it."

"Edward." Bella's voice was so low I almost couldn't hear it.

I kissed along her neck, tasting the mixture of sweat and sweetness on her skin. Bella returned the favor. Her lips were hot and wet as she drug them along my skin.

"I'm going to, oh shit Edward." I thrust into Bella hard and deep, grinding my hips up against hers. Bella gasped and yelled out my name before she bit down on my neck.

The combination of her calling out my name, her teeth, her nails, and the way her body writhed against mine as her orgasm took over. I was gone. I drove into her a few times fast before my release hammered into me.

"Oh God Bella." I let out a long guttural moan as intense pleasure shot through me.

I was shaking a little as I came back to reality. Bella was limp and relaxed against me. Carefully I made sure I had a good hold on her before I pulled her off the wall. Backing up I found my chair and collapsed into it. We sat there wrapped around each other trying to catch our breath. Finally I found my voice again.

"Damn woman."

Bella giggled breathlessly against my shoulder. "Liked that huh?"

"Liked is not a strong enough word." My eyes were still closed. My other senses were still overwhelmed. I felt like every nerve ending in my body had been used to their limit.

"I agree." Bella snuggled into me a little more and I smiled when I heard her sigh. "I think we need that once a month at least."

"Need what love? We definitely have sex more than once a month."

Bella sat back and looked at me with a little glint in her eye. "No not sex in general. The tear off my panties, pin me against the wall, fuck my brains out kind of sex."

"Oh. I think I can handle that request. As often as you would like. There are lots of walls around here." I brushed a lone strand of hair back over her shoulder. My fingers stroked down and toyed with her nipple.

Bella's eyes darkened and she rolled her hips against mine. I smiled at her. "I could sit here all day like this love."

"Me too Edward." Bella leaned forward and ran her fingers up the back of my neck.

"Shall we throw enough clothes on to get inside? You said something about slow and sweet later. It's later."

Bella laughed. "So it is. Yes let's go." She got up off me and handed me my jeans. That was when I noticed her regular clothes in a neat stack in the corner of the office. While she changed I picked up our underwear that was strewn about.

As we left the office Bella took my hand in hers. Her fingers entwined with mine and I could feel her engagement ring. I was a very happy and very grateful man.

We were still pretty sweaty when we got back into the house. We decided we both needed a shower. Bella got there first so I decided just to join her. She gave me a big smile when I slid the shower door open. I stepped in and turned to shut us in.

"Holy shit! Did I do that?" Bella sounded horrified.

I faced her but she made me turn back around again. I felt her fingertips trace over my shoulders.

"Do what?" I had no idea what she was talking about.

"I scratched the crap out of you Edward." She pulled me back into the spray and I felt a slight sting. That was when I remembered what Bella had done with her fingernails earlier in the office.

"Oh, that. It doesn't hurt." It really didn't. Bella lathered up her hands and gently washed the area. The warm water and her caresses felt nice.

"Doesn't hurt my ass. I almost made you bleed Edward." Bella was clearly pissed at herself. I heard her continue to mutter under her breath as she rinsed me off.

I turned around and took Bella in my arms. She stiffened a bit and refused to look at me. "Bella." She just leaned her forehead into my chest. "Bella, you are overreacting."

Bella eyes blazed up at mine. Her fingers probed where her teeth had left a mark on my neck. "Overreacting? I left track marks on your back and bruised your neck. Didn't you notice?"

"At the time, yes I felt it. I liked it." Bella's eyes grew wide and her mouth dropped open. "I'm not saying I desire lots of pain. But to me it just meant I had made you lose control completely." I pulled Bella tightly into me. "You have no idea how hot it is when you go wild like that."

"Really?" Bella still looked unsure.

"Put it this way. You liked it when I spanked you?"

Bella blushed and then nodded.

"Sometimes pleasure with a touch of pain is okay Bella. You liked the spanking. I liked feeling your nails dig into me. The street goes both ways."

"Oh." Bella looked thoughtful.

"I would tell you if you were gripping me too hard. Just like you would not let me accidentally hurt you."

"True." Bella still looked a little disconcerted that she had gone that far out of her normal bounds of control.

"Love, I promise. I'm okay."

Bella nodded and wet her hair again. I could tell we needed to talk about this more, but I was going to drop it for now. "Here let me." I grabbed some shampoo and began to wash her hair. Bella instantly relaxed and sighed as I massaged her scalp.

Bella left the shower ahead of me. After I changed into some sweats I found her in the den. She was curled up in the papasan asleep. I had a feeling that was how I'd find her. I pulled the remote from Bella's hand and she stirred, her eyes fluttering open. She patted the chair. "Join me."

"Of course." Bella scooted over and once I was sitting she snuggled into me. I wrapped an arm around her waist and stroked her face with my other hand. "Go back to sleep."

Bella wrapped her arms around me. I listened to her breathe and could tell she wasn't falling back asleep. Finally I asked, "What are you thinking?"

Bella shifted so that she could see me, laying her head back on the cushion. "I'm still thinking about what we talked about in the shower."

"What about it? Still bothering you?" I turned so I could see her face better.

"No. I guess I was just seeing your point. I love it when you lose all control because of something I've done to you. So I can see why you feel the same way."

I nodded. "And actually there was a very practical reason why I liked you gripping me so tightly today."

A flash of curiosity came over Bella's face. "What's that?"

"We were both so sweaty I was scared for a second I might drop you." I winked at her and Bella laughed loud. "That would've ruined the moment completely."

Bella laid her head back and smiled at me. "I love you."

"I love you too. Every intimate moment between us Bella, there is always love underneath it. The same love that is there when we take our time and build things slowly is there when I bend you over some surface and just take you. Or when you push me down and take control. It's just different types of intensity. As long as we stay open with each other about our desires, needs, and things we don't like, we'll be fine. And everything we do will be fine."

Bella was listening intently. Once I was done speaking she reached up and brushed my still damp hair off my forehead. "When did you get so damn smart?"

"When I started hanging out with you."

"Smooth Cullen. Very smooth." Bella yawned.

"Will you take a little nap now? Please. You look tired."

In answer Bella cuddled back into me. I slid my fingers under her shirt and traced them up and down her spine. Within several minutes her breathing slowed and I know she was asleep. I was a little surprised she had reacted so much to the fact that she had scratched me. It wasn't like it hadn't happened before, just not to that degree. Well at least it seemed I had reassured her that it was okay.

Even though I didn't have this extended kinky history, I still had more experience with sex in general. Bella was comfortable enough with me to push her boundaries, but sometimes the results of her spur of the moment decisions caught her off guard. Hell, she caught me off guard today. I knew I would always remember that first sight of her. Standing in the stall in that outfit. The look on her face as she watched me look her over. Bella knew exactly how much power she wielded over me in that moment. It was a power I was willing to let her have for the rest of my life.

I zoned out watching ESPN while Bella snoozed on me. After about an hour she shifted in my lap and let out a little sigh. I looked down to see her smile in her sleep. Looked like she might be dreaming, which meant she might start talking. That was always fun.

Sure enough, a few minutes later Bella murmured my name. I turned the volume down further on the television so I could hear her. Then she moaned. Not a little one either. Oh this could be really fun. I watched as she became more restless. Bella brought one hand up over her head, arching her chest upwards. "Yes, more Edward." I had a feeling I was going to enjoy this dream as much as she was.

That was when I decided to get her to the bedroom. Usually when Bella was dreaming it took a lot to wake her, so I knew I could move her. I walked back with her in my arms and lay her down gently on the bed. Sensing she had more room, Bella stretched out, whispering my name.

I lay down next to her. "Yes love."

"Mmm, touch me." Bella ran her hand down the center of her body, stopping at the waistband of her shorts.

Lightly I reached out and cupped one breast. Bella's nipple was already hard under my palm. I rubbed her and she pressed up into my hand. Carefully I pulled up the front of her t-shirt, exposing her breasts. I kissed one nipple gently and then the other. Bella moaned again as one of her hands found its way into my hair.

"Edward……"

"Yes?" I kissed my way down her stomach, smiling when her hips tilted towards me.

"Oh God."

I sat back and admired the flush in Bella's cheeks. She was panting a little as she reached for my retreating form. It was time to wake her up. I reached down and pulled one her leg up over my hip. When I pressed my erection into her, Bella groaned and pushed back into me. I grabbed her hips, letting her rub against me as she slept. When I forced her to lie still she frowned a bit.

I kissed under her ear. "Bella? Wake up."

Bella tried to press her hips into mine again. I let her grind against me a few times before I stopped her again. I sucked one nipple into my mouth, nibbling on it a little. I released it with a kiss and looked up at her. She was almost awake.

"Bella. Wake up." Her eyes fluttered for a moment. "I want you love, wake up."

Bella's eyes finally opened and she looked slightly confused. I watched her look down and take in her naked breasts and how she was pressed into my erection. Her eyes darted back up to mine and she blushed a little.

"You've been having an interesting dream. I may have been encouraging it just a little."

Bella wrapped her arms around me. "You have huh? Would that be why my shirt is half off?"

"Maybe." I leaned in and ran my tongue over each nipple. Bella gasped lightly and rocked into me.

"This seems better than the dream I was having though." I pushed Bella onto her back and settled between her legs. She gazed up at me and pulled at the edge of my t-shirt. I sat up and pulled it off, watching as she did the same. Kneeling over her, I slowly pulled her shorts down and dropped them to the floor. Bella sat up and placed her hand directly on my erection, grasping it lightly. "I think your sweats need to come off Edward."

I pulled my sweats off and sent them to the floor too. Bella lay back against the pillows and wiggled a finger at me. "Come here." I moved back up to where I had been, propping myself on my elbows. I rubbed the head of my cock through her moisture and Bella closed her eyes, a little groan escaping her.

I placed my lips in the hollow over her throat, slowly kissing my way up her neck. "Love you so much." I wrapped my arms underneath Bella's shoulders, bringing our bodies even closer together.

Bella spread her legs wider underneath me before she clasped them around my legs. "I love you too." I brought my lips to hers. We stayed like that for a while, every inch of our bodies pressed together, our kisses becoming more heated. Bella began to twist her body beneath mine, trying to complete our connection. She rubbed her liquid heat against me, looking for something to relieve the ache I knew we both felt.

"Do you need me love?" I whispered in her ear.

Bella's voice was husky with arousal. "You know I do."

"Where do you need me?" I sucked her earlobe into my mouth and she tried harder to arch up into me.

"Inside me. Edward, please. Fill me."

In the complete opposite of earlier, I pressed into Bella inch by torturous inch. I listened to her breathing catch when I finally was all the way inside her. We lay still for a moment. Bella started speaking low in my ear.

"So perfect. You feel so perfect. I love you so much."

"God Bella." I moved back so I could look in her eyes. "I love you. I feel so much I can't find words."

"Then show me." Bella's hands traced down my back. "Show me what you feel lover." Her body pressed eagerly up into mine and I took the hint. My movements were long and slow. I reveled in each slide back into her body. Bella moaned each time we were rejoined completely.

"More, Edward."

"Not yet." I was going to keep us at a smoldering burn for a bit.

Bella growled and gripped my back. I knelt back just a little and took her hands. I slid them up above her head and held them there with one hand. Bella's eyes burned at me, not with anger but with lust. "Not yet love."

I drove into her, pressing deep and allowing her to grind against me every few strokes. I bent down and took one of her nipples in my mouth again, nipping and pulling on it. Bella twisted underneath me, letting out a little cry when I did the same to the other nipple. "You're killing me," she gasped.

"Oh I don't think so." I crashed my lips into hers and Bella responded to the change in intensity with a deep moan. Her tongue twisted with mine as little pleading sounds came from the back of her throat. Bella's heels pulled at the backs of my thighs, trying to pull me in faster or tighter.

I gave into her pleas finally and thrust hard into her. Bella let out a deep sound of satisfaction when our bodies collided. Her body arched into mine as she pulled at her hands.

"Please, I need to touch you Edward. Please." I released her hands as I started thrusting harder but still slow. Bella moved one leg and planted her foot on the mattress, rolling her hips harder into mine. Her hands grasped my hips, trying to pull me deeper.

I wasn't going to be able to hold back much longer. I was right on the edge of my release and could feel Bella was too. Every push her muscles got a little tighter around me, holding me in her a little firmer. Bella was so tightly wound that her legs had started to shake a little.

Bella's eyes met mine and they were unfocused like they always got when she was on the verge of orgasm. "You are about to come so hard Bella, aren't you?"

That was all it took. Bella's head fell back with a sharp cry. "Oh holy Christ, Edward." I drove into her harder and Bella moaned again as she wrapped herself around me.

"I love it when you come hard around me. Fuck." I growled as my orgasm took over. I pumped into her a few more times before I collapsed against her shaking and sweaty, the aftershocks still tingling through my body. "God Bella."

"Mmm, yes baby." Bella relaxed her legs but kept her arms wrapped around me.

I was panting as Bella ran her fingers up and down my back. "Am I too heavy?"

"No. Stay here."

I turned my head and Bella looked over at me. She smiled and ran her hand through my hair. "You have definite sex hair right now Edward."

"Well I have a great stylist." Bella broke into a fit of giggles and ruffled my hair a little more.

We lay there for awhile talking quietly, with quiet pauses where we just looked at one another. That was something I loved about us. During those quiet moments, we were still communicating just as much as we were when we spoke to one another. That kind of intimacy was hard to find, and I would have Bella to share it with forever.

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**Well, is it good to have Horseward and Bella back? Give me some reviews, show me some love.**

**I don't have a set schedule for posting exactly. I can tell you that every 7-10 days either RTW or this will update. If you are lucky both. I will do my best to keep you supplied with regular updates as long as vet school doesn't get in the way.**

**I love you all and thank you for how you have embraced this story. It means a lot to me.  
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	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for all the lovely reviews welcoming this pair back. I'm happy to be writing them again.**

**So.....this chapter and the next have been planned before ASR was even halfway done. I am very proud of it, but have absolutely no clue what you will think. But it's part of their story, and it was a labor of love to write this. Material in this chapter is of a sensitive nature. (You might want kleenex)  
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**Chapter 2**

**BPOV**

_I did not believe because I could not see  
Though you came to me in the night  
When the dawn seemed forever lost  
You showed me your love in the light of the stars_

_Dante's Prayer ~ Loreena McKennitt_

"Bella…..love you need to wake up." I felt Edward nudging my shoulder and I shoved at his hand with a growl. Grabbing the blanket I pulled it up over my head. Edward chuckled. "Alice is going to be here soon to pick you up. You don't want her waking you up do you?"

"No." My voice was muffled by the blanket. Hallie jumped up on the bed and proceeded to march up and down my back. "No helping him Hallie." Hallie started kneading the blanket right over my butt, before spotting something at the end of the bed and pouncing down my legs. Ugh, that cat I swear.

"Is there anything I can do to make it easier for you to get up?" I felt Edward lay down next to me on the bed.

"More sleep and IV caffeine." I came out from under the covers to see Edward smirking at me.

"Didn't you sleep well?" Edward stroked my face.

"I did. Just tired for some reason. Maybe I'm getting a cold or something." I sat up and stretched.

"Well come down and have some vitamins and breakfast before you leave." Leaning over with a smile, Edward kissed the side of my neck.

"Okay not helping with the wanting to leave bed idea there Triple C." I made a grab at Edward to pull him down but he was too quick.

I scowled at him as he left the room grinning. As I got out of bed I could tell I definitely didn't feel right. There wasn't anything specific I could put my finger on though. I felt a twinge when I peed though. Great. A bladder infection maybe? I'd have to call Carlisle if that kept up. Until then, more water for me. A girl starts getting regular amazing sex and is rewarded with a bladder infection. God had to be a man.

Once I was dressed I found Edward in the kitchen. I grabbed my coffee, a bottle of water and sat with Edward at the table.

"Water?" He gave me a raised eyebrow.

I nodded as I sipped my coffee. "Think I'm maybe getting a bladder infection. Need to flush things out."

Edward looked concerned. "Do you want to call my Dad?"

"Only if it's not better by this afternoon. Could've just been a random twinge. I've had one before. Trust me. I'll know by this afternoon if I actually have one." I shuddered. Bladder infections were one of the worst things ever.

"Okay love. Tell Alice to take it easy on you with this cake tasting for Rosalie's wedding."

"Ooh. Cake tasting is a really stressful on me." I grinned and rubbed my foot into Edward's leg.

"You know what I mean. Don't let her go all Alice on you." Edward smiled back, taking my left hand and playing with my engagement ring.

"I won't. And when the time comes I'm dragging you cake tasting for us, just FYI."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Okay. As long as you feed me the bites of cake I'll go."

"Done." There was a knock at the door.

"Come in Alice!" Edward hollered.

A few moments later Alice came skipping into the kitchen and hugged Edward. "Morning guys!!" She gave Edward a kiss on the forehead. "Oops, lipstick. Sorry Edward." She grabbed a napkin and wiped it off. Alice spun around and gave me a big hug. "Ready to eat cake Bella?"

"Yes, let's go." I gave Edward a kiss. "Love you."

Edward reached up and copped a feel of my breast where Alice couldn't see. I gave him a dirty look and he just smiled. "Love you too."

In the car Alice started giggling. "What Alice?"

"You both think I didn't see him do that? You are sadly mistaken. Bella you have definitely turned my brother into a horn dog."

I nodded. "Well it's mutual." Then we both started laughing. "So tell me again why Rose isn't coming to decide on her own cake?"

"We are just narrowing it down. She didn't want to have that many flavors to choose from. Our job is to get it to three or four, and then she and Emmett are going to pick from that." Only Rose I thought to myself.

"My brother is going to be a huge help for that. He has not met a cake he didn't like." I curled up a little in the seat and drank some water. "I guess it's the fact that he is willing to go that counts."

"You feeling okay Bella? You look a little pale and tired." Alice looked over at me at a stoplight, her sharp eyes missed nothing.

"Code for you look like shit." Alice smiled apologetically. "Yea, I'm fine. I think I might be getting a bladder infection. Felt some burning when I peed this morning. Little nauseous, but maybe it was the coffee." I shrugged.

"Well we will get this done and get you home. Let me know if you start feeling worse though."

"I will."

We arrived at the bakery. I read the sign out loud. "Sinful Sweets?" Alice grinned at the expression on my face.

"I love Jane's work. I have used her for a lot of the weddings I have planned. She does a great job."

I was surprised by the youth of the woman who Alice introduced me to as Jane. She looked about fifteen, but in fact was twenty five. Blond and petite, Jane took her work very seriously. At the same time when she did smile, it was breathtaking, and a little unnerving. Almost like she had some kind of power one didn't know about. I did my best to avoid having to make eye contact with her by letting Alice do all the talking.

We were parked at a table and the parade of samples started. I could see why Rosalie wanted it narrowed down. I was continuing to feel a little worse, but I didn't want to let Alice down, so I kept quiet. I took very tiny bites, but eventually I let Alice taste most of them. My nausea was still there, and now I was getting some pain in the lower right of my abdomen. Hopefully whatever this was would pass soon. Probably some weird virus.

Alice gave Jane the final four choices. I was sitting there quietly nursing my water. Alice looked over as Jane left the room.

"Bella. Now you look like shit. Are you feeling worse?"

I sighed and nodded. "I've got some pain in my lower right." I pointed to the area on my stomach.

"Appendix." Alice said knowingly. "Have you had yours out?"

I shook my head. "You?" Appendicitis had not occurred to me at all.

"Yes when I was fourteen. And it started just like that. I'm taking you to Carlisle. You'd better call Edward." Alice prodded me gently towards the door. After she said goodbye to Jane she took my hand and we headed for her car.

Once we were in her car I stalled on calling Edward. "Let's see what Carlisle says first. I don't want to worry Edward unnecessarily. Maybe it's just the flu." Alice looked uncertain about that idea. "Please Alice. I don't want him freaking out unless there is a reason to. You know how he is."

"Alright Bella. We will wait to see what Carlisle says." Alice drove down the road a little faster than was necessary, but I wasn't going to argue with her driving today.

I listened as Alice called her Dad and told him what was going on. He was waiting for us when we pulled in at the emergency door. Carlisle helped me out of the car and inside. Alice told me she would be in after she parked.

I leaned a little on Carlisle as we walked back to an exam room. "When did this start Bella?"

"This morning I guess. I was really tired when I woke up but I didn't think anything of it. Then when I peed it hurt a little. I thought maybe I was getting a bladder infection. After that I started to get nauseous. About an hour ago the pain started." Carlisle helped me up on the bed and found me a hospital gown.

"Sounds suspicious for your appendix, but we'll have to do some tests. Get changed into the gown. You can leave your undies on. A nurse will come in, start an IV, and get your vitals. I'll find Alice and we will be back." Carlisle patted my shoulder.

"Thanks Carlisle." I changed and waited. The nurse, a really sweet girl named Leah, came in. She brought me a warmed blanket which I was really appreciative for. Leah was really good with the IV. I didn't feel a thing and she grinned when I thanked her. Once she had all my information she disappeared to find Carlisle.

I lay there staring at the acoustic ceiling tiles, feeling crappier. Part of me wanted to call Edward now, but I really wanted to wait until I knew what was happening. He would just overreact and probably drive his dad insane in the process. No, it was better to wait to call him.

Carlisle and Alice wandered in. Carlisle smiled with me as he scanned over what the nurse had written down. He started with standard physical exam stuff. Then he had me lay down and started prodding my belly. When he got to the lower right I stiffened and yelped a little.

"Tender?" I nodded. "Okay. I'm going to have them pull some blood and then we will get some imaging when that's back. Do you want some pain meds? Where would you rate your pain on a scale of zero to ten, ten being the worst pain you have ever had in your life?" Carlisle helped me put the bed in a more comfortable position.

"Like a five. It's tolerable if you aren't poking me. When you poked me it was close to an eight. I'm okay without meds for right now." I gave him a weak smile.

"Okay. But if you want something for pain, ask Bella. No reason to suffer." I nodded at him.

"Do you think it's her appendix Dad?" Alice parked herself in a chair next to me.

"Likely. But we will know better once we see what her white blood cells are doing. How is the nausea Bella?"

"Better for the moment."

"Okay, I'll be back." Carlisle patted my foot before he left.

I closed my eyes and groaned in frustration. Alice reached out and took my hand. "You are sure you don't want me to call Edward?" I opened my eyes and shook my head.

"No. Let's get the blood work back first." I closed my eyes again and tried to relax. Alice was messing around on her iPhone while I rested. My phone went off and Alice handed to me. A text from Edward, shit.

_Hey how goes the cake tasting? Anything you will want me to taste later?_

I sighed. Alice was watching me. "Edward?" I nodded. "Bella….."

"Don't start Alice." I texted him back. I felt bad about the white lie, but I didn't want to call him until I knew what was happening.

_Of course there is. Going a little longer than expected, but lots of variety _

After about forty minutes Carlisle was back, with some sort of machine. I recognized it as an ultrasound only because it looked a lot like the one that Jake used.

"Alice could you leave us for a few moments. I'll come get you once we are done." As Alice walked by Carlisle a look passed between them. He reached out and patted her shoulder. "It's okay Alice, don't panic." Alice nodded at her Dad and gave me a smile.

Once Alice was gone Carlisle came over and set up the ultrasound. "Let's get a look in here Bella and see what is going on." He shifted my gown and blanket so that my belly was exposed. "How's the pain?"

"Getting worse, a six, maybe a seven. I'm thinking I want some pain meds soon." I was tired of hurting now, since it seemed this wasn't going to go away.

"We can do that. Let's just get this done." Carlisle squirted gel on me and I cringed a little at the cold. Any cold wet thing just made me shudder. "Sorry Bella."

"It's okay." I watched the screen, not really knowing what I was seeing. Carlisle moved the probe around over different sections of my abdomen. "Is my blood work back?"

"Umm hmm. We will talk about that in just a second." Carlisle peered intently at the screen, freezing it and saving a couple images. "Okay. We have answers. Before we go over the information are you sure you don't want Edward here?" He wiped off the gel and covered me back up.

A little bit of fear washed over me when he asked me that. "No just tell me what is happening." Carlisle slid the machine over and came to sit where Alice had been.

"Bella, your blood work was normal for the most part, and didn't give us any clues. However there was one test that did. I ran a pregnancy test on you. It was positive."

I heard a rushing sound in my ears as I stared at Carlisle. "What?"

"Bella you have what is called an ectopic pregnancy. The embryo has implanted itself in your fallopian tube. I just confirmed it by ultrasound." Carlisle took my hand, I think because of the look on my face.

"But….I still had my period….how….."

Carlisle nodded at my confusion. "That can happen Bella. It's not unusual, especially early in a pregnancy, and the fact that you are on the pill."

I shook my head, and stared at Carlisle. "So what do we do?" I whispered.

Carlisle hesitated slightly. "Bella, your tube hasn't ruptured yet, but it will if we don't intervene. That will cause major damage, and could even cause you to bleed to death. I'm sorry to have to tell you that this pregnancy, it can't be allowed to continue. I need to schedule you for surgery to terminate the pregnancy, and correct any damage to your fallopian tube."

"Are you operating?" I hoped he wasn't. That was a little too close for comfort.

Carlisle shook his head. "Besides the personal conflict, I'm not an OB/GYN. Dr. Wey will. She is very good."

I felt the room spin for a moment. Pregnant, but soon not to be. "How far along?" I clenched my eyes shut for a moment, blocking the tears I felt threatening. My stomach flipped and I felt bile rising in my throat.

"About three months. Bella, you know you didn't do anything to cause this to happen. Ectopic pregnancies are random things. There is no way of predicting or preventing them."

I nodded because I didn't trust myself to speak. I stared at the pattern on Carlisle's tie. Three months ago was early December. Suddenly everything became clear. I knew it was for Carlisle too. He didn't have to tell me when or how I got pregnant.

"Do you still want some pain meds?" I nodded again. Carlisle gave my hand a squeeze.

He was almost out the door. "Carlisle?" Carlisle turned and looked at me. "I need some time alone. Can you not let Alice back in quite yet?" Carlisle agreed.

"Of course Bella."

I sat there in shock. This wasn't real. This wasn't happening. How was I going to tell Edward? I shut my eyes tight again, hoping when I opened them I would find myself back home. Maybe this was some horrible nightmare. Someone opening the door and walking in made me look up. Unfortunately I was still in the same ER exam room. This wasn't a nightmare, at least not the kind you could wake from.

"I have some pain meds for you." It was Leah. I just closed my eyes again while she injected something into my IV line. A few moments later I felt a fog wash over me. I welcomed a little dissociation from the real world at this point.

I could hear Alice talking with Carlisle, but couldn't really make out the words. Carlisle did say something about "Bella will have to tell you. Is he coming?"

He? Did he mean Edward? No, no, no. I wasn't ready. What was I going to say? I couldn't face him. I felt tears start to fall down my cheeks. I curled up on my side and let them come. How could I look at him when I was about to lose our baby? One I had just learned was even there. At least it would be for a little while longer.

Carlisle came in to check on me and found me like that. I felt his hand stroke over my head. "Bella, do you need more pain meds?"

I shook my head.

"Edward is on his way. He doesn't know yet what is going on though."

"Don't let him in." I choked out.

"Bella. You know that's going to be impossible. Edward is going to want to be with you. Right now you both will need each other."

"Don't let him in, please. Tell him what's happening. Tell him I'm sorry." I was starting to hyperventilate a little as the tears fell faster.

"Okay, easy Bella. Breathe slowly. I'll do what I can. Do you want something to calm you down?" Carlisle's voice was even, but I could hear the worry underneath.

"No." I curled up tighter, wrapping my arms around myself. The black side of myself thought I deserved to feel the pain.

"I'll be back in a bit. They are a little backed up in surgery. Ring if you need anything Bella, at all." I felt Carlisle kiss the top of my head and that just started a fresh round of tears.

I drifted in and out because of the pain meds. Every time I came to I would remember what was happening and start crying again. I thought I heard Carlisle peek in a couple times. I just kept my eyes shut. Leah brought in another warmed blanket. I wished I could hide under it from all that was happening.

"The hell I will Dad!" I startled out of my drug induced daze to hear Edward's voice in the hall, angry.

"Edward, keep your voice down."

"Dad that is my fiancé and the love of my life. I know she has to be terrified. I'm going in there. Bella needs me. Get out of my way." A few seconds later I heard Edward enter the room. I kept my eyes shut, refusing to look his way.

His footsteps crossed the linoleum. I felt his hand stroke my face. "Love?" I didn't want to open my eyes, but I couldn't stop the new tears from leaking out. "Bella…..sweetie." I swallowed hearing Edward's voice in my ear. I didn't deserve his caring, at least I felt like I didn't. After a couple minutes I felt the side arm of the bed come down and Edward was climbing in bed with me. Wrapping his arms around me he pulled me to his side. "Open your eyes and look at me please Bella."

I felt him dabbing under my eyes gently with a tissue. "Love it's going to be okay. And it's not your fault." I shook my head against him. "Bella, this is not your fault. It's bad luck. You didn't do anything to cause this, Dad told me so. Don't you believe him? He wouldn't bullshit you." I know Carlisle wouldn't, but I needed something to blame. I was the easiest target.

Finally I braced myself and opened my eyes, meeting Edward's gaze. He was looking at me with concern and love in his eyes, not an ounce of blame. I could tell he was fighting tears. "I'm so sorry Edward." I started sobbing against his chest.

"There is nothing to apologize for love." Edward rubbed my back and held me tightly. I felt a tear run off his face and onto my forehead. "I love you and nothing will ever change that." I clung to Edward's side, unable to stop crying. Edward just held me and kissed my forehead. Every now and then he would whisper how much he loved me.

My sobs tapered off slowly, but the ache in my heart didn't. "It hurts Edward."

Edward shifted. "What your side? Am I pressing on it?"

"No. My heart. It hurts." I looked up at him.

"I know baby. Mine too." Edward kept stroking the side of my face.

Carlisle knocked on the door. "Can I come in?" Edward waved him in. Carlisle took one look at my face. "Bella are you sure you don't want something for anxiety?"

I shook my head. "I'm alright."

"Dr. Wey is here to go over the procedure with you. That okay?" I nodded at him.

Dr. Wey was very considerate and straight forward. They could do the surgery laproscopically, which would minimize scars and healing time. I swallowed before I asked her a question that had been on my mind since Carlisle had told me what was happening.

"Will this mess up my ability to have children later?" Edward rubbed my back harder and kissed the top of my head.

"It shouldn't. I won't know for certain until we get in there. Worst case is there is enough damage that you will be down to one functional fallopian tube. That doesn't mean you won't be able to get pregnant in the future. It just may take more tries." Dr. Wey smiled and patted my leg. "But hopefully that won't be an issue."

"When will I be able to see her after?" Edward had been quiet while Dr. Wey explained everything.

"Your dad will bring you back to recovery as soon as possible, once Bella is out of surgery. You'll have to stay overnight Bella, but you will most likely go home tomorrow."

"Okay. Thank you Dr. Wey."

"You're welcome. Let me know if either of you have any more questions." After she left Carlisle came back in.

"I pulled some strings and got you a private room Bella for tonight. Edward you will be able to stay with her, like I'd be able to stop you anyway." Carlisle offered me a smile.

"Yes, good luck trying that." I tried to smile back and I heard Edward chuckle. It was nice to hear, with all that was happening.

Finally they came to wheel me up to surgery. Edward walked with me as far as they would allow him to, Carlisle trailing behind. We stopped at the door. Edward smiled down at me. "Love you Bella."

"Love you too. See you in a bit. Oh, hold my ring, I don't want to lose it." I slid it off and handed it to him. "You can put it back on the moment you see me again."

"Okay." Edward kissed me gently and whispered in my ear. "I'll be waiting for you."

I nodded at him and our eyes stayed locked on one another until the doors closed. As they wheeled me back I ran my hand over my lower right side. A silent goodbye to what we were about to lose.

**EPOV**

_We only want to feel as close as we can be  
Use hands for holding on to your precious family  
Just believe in all who shine  
The light to help you see  
Cause if I believe in you, will you believe in me?  
I kissed her on the cheek  
And then I waved goodbye  
She had the saddest look I've seen in years_

_Kangaroo Cry ~ Blue October_

I was getting ready to text Bella and find out when she would be home. She had said things were running late, but still this was a bit long. No doubt Alice was the reason for Bella not being home yet. My phone rang then, Alice.

"Hey sis. Have you absconded with Bella for good? I thought you'd be back by now."

"Edward, Bella is sick. I brought her in to see Dad about an hour ago."

The moment Alice said that I had my keys in my hands and was pulling my shoes on. "What? Why didn't you call me sooner? Why didn't Bella…" I didn't finish the question. I had a suspicion why Bella didn't call, and Alice confirmed it.

"Bella wanted me to wait until we knew what was going on. I thought it was her appendix. But Dad won't say and gave me a look that told me I should call you to get you here. He did say not to panic."

"Oh that's fucking helpful. I'm on my way." I felt like I couldn't breathe. Don't panic my ass.

"Drive carefully Edward. We don't need you hurt. Take a breath." Alice knew me too well.

"Thank you Alice." I drove as fast as I could without overtly breaking every traffic law. My stomach was in knots and my head was doing its best to conjure up every horrible scenario it could. When I ran into the ER waiting room, I heard Alice behind me.

"Edward!" I spun and was tackled by my sister.

"Easy there. Have you seen Dad or Bella?"

"Not Bella. Dad told me she wanted to be alone for a little while." Alice looked worried.

"Okay. I'm going to find him." Just then I turned and saw Dad at the door, beckoning to me. "I'll be back Alice."

"Dad….what in the hell is going on? Where's Bella?" Dad grabbed my elbow and steered me into an empty exam room. He forced me to sit down.

"Bella is going to be fine. She's pretty upset right now." I started to speak but Dad held his hand up. "Let me fill you in Edward. Bella has an ectopic pregnancy."

Bella was pregnant? The look on Dad's face told me this wasn't good news. "That kind is not good right?" Dad nodded.

"It's in the fallopian tube. The tube is still intact right now, but she needs to have surgery to remove the embryo and save the tube."

"Remove the……you mean end the pregnancy?" My heart plummeted into my stomach.

"Unfortunately yes. We don't have a choice." Dad reached out and put his hand on my shoulder.

"How pregnant is she?" I really didn't want to know, but I had to know.

"About three months." I quickly counted back in my head and swore to myself. Well that answered the how this had happened, the antibiotics Bella had taken.

"I need to see her." I stood up and Dad's hand stayed on my shoulder.

"Edward, she asked to be left alone for now. She's really emotional." I glared at him and pulled out from his grasp.

"No shit Dad. That is why I need to be with her. Bella is really good at blaming herself and I have no doubt she is now. I have to see her." I shoved past Dad and went down the hall. I looked at the board above the nurse's desk and located where Bella was. I was just about to her room when Dad stepped in front of me again.

"Edward, stay out here please." He put one hand on my chest, his voice low.

"The hell I will Dad!" Enough with blocking me from Bella.

"Edward, keep your voice down." Dad looked at me with understanding in his eyes and that just pissed me off more. If he understood he wouldn't be trying to stop me.

"Dad that is my fiancé and the love of my life. I know she has to be terrified. I'm going in there. Bella needs me. Get out of my way." Dad put his hands up and stepped aside.

I walked in slowly and felt my heart sink even further. Bella was curled in a tiny ball on the hospital bed. From the doorway I could see her closed eyes flinch when she heard me enter. There were tears flowing down her cheeks. When I was close enough I touched her face. "Love?" More tears flowed out but Bella refused to look at me. I said her name and still she kept her eyes closed.

I wasn't about to let that stop me. I dropped the side of the bed and climbed in behind Bella, sliding my arm under her. I turned her and pulled her carefully into my side. "Open your eyes and look at me please Bella." I grabbed a tissue and wiped under her eyes. I kept trying to reassure her, but still Bella wouldn't look at me. The only thing she did was shake her head when I tried to tell her it wasn't her fault.

I knew she would blame herself. I could tell by watching her face she was struggling with wanting to look at me, and a fear to do so. Patiently I waited until Bella's eyes finally rose up and met mine. Instantly she was sobbing against me and apologizing repeatedly. I held her to my chest, stroking her back and telling her how much I loved her. I felt a few tears run down my face. I would do anything to take this pain away from her. I was hurting, but it was nothing compared to what Bella had to be feeling.

When Bella calmed some and spoke again, she confessed to me her heart was hurting. All I could do was share with her mine was too. Nothing could fix that pain right away. Only time. I was pretty sure I'd never felt this helpless in my life, and I hated it.

We met Bella's surgeon and I liked her. She was kind and obviously knew her stuff. I knew Dad would make sure Bella had the best. When Bella bravely asked about having children in the future, I just tried to be supportive. I had been wondering that too, but I sure as hell wasn't going to ask about it now. I knew that would make Bella want to blame herself more if the answer wasn't good.

Fortunately the news was pretty positive. I breathed a sigh of relief, for both of us. Even if Bella couldn't have children, that wouldn't change how I felt about her. I just knew how much we both wanted it.

Watching Bella be wheeled in to the operating room, I kept my eyes on hers until I couldn't see her anymore. Then I crumpled against the wall. Dad put his arm around me. "Come on. Let's go to my office. Alice will join us there." I fingered Bella's ring that she had given me for safekeeping before I pocketed it.

I let Dad lead me away. I felt absolutely numb, but immense grief at the same time. I couldn't decide which was worse. Once we were in his office I collapsed into a chair and put my head in my hands. Dad sat down next to me and put his hand on my back.

"Bella is going to be fine Edward. And most likely there won't be any long term damage."

I kept my face in my hands, trying to gain some sort of control. "How did we not know she was pregnant Dad? She didn't show any signs."

"I answered the same question for Bella. Sometimes it can be that way. Women will still get enough of a period that they don't notice the change. Other signs just are mild enough that they go unnoticed."

I wiped under my eyes. "I just can't process this. I feel so bad I wasn't there."

"Edward, that wasn't your fault. Bella wouldn't let us call you yet. Actually I made Alice call you once I was pretty sure what was happening. But I couldn't wait to tell her what was wrong. Especially if they could get her into surgery earlier."

"I'm not blaming you Dad. You were doing what Bella wanted. I just know I want to put the fault on someone, and there isn't anyone."

"Edward, I understand, more than you know. Before you and Alice were born, your Mom had a miscarriage. She was about four months pregnant. I was in my residency, and wasn't even there when it started. I never felt more useless and guilty, ever, in my life."

I looked up at my Dad and could see the pain from the past reflected in his eyes. "You never told us about that."

"No. We thought it wasn't necessary. But for your sake, and Bella's, it is now."

"Does Mom know……" Dad knew what I was getting at.

"No, I haven't told her what is happening with Bella yet. I wanted to make sure it was okay with both of you."

"Alice?"

"She still doesn't know either. I know she's waiting outside to come in." Dad leaned back and watched me.

"Can you tell her Dad? I don't think I can, not now anyway."

Dad nodded. "Sure. Bella is going to be in surgery for at least a couple hours. Why don't you rest on my couch? I promise I'll get you the moment she is going to be coming into recovery."

I moved over and flopped down on the leather sofa. Dad disappeared quietly out the door to go see Alice. I lay there with my arm over my eyes, my head spinning. The creak of the door opening made me look up. Alice stood there with her dark eyes wide. I waved her in.

Alice walked over and sat on the floor next to my head. I rolled on my side and stared at her. "Edward, if I had known I would've called you sooner."

"Alice, it's okay." I patted her shoulder.

Alice frowned. "What can I do?"

"You're doing it. You're here, for both of us. That is enough."

Alice reached up and hugged me. "I'm so sorry Edward, for you both." I hugged her back and held on for a moment.

My words were muffled into Alice's shoulder. "Alice, I feel so fucking helpless. I hate it. I don't know what to do."

Alice leaned back and looked at me. "Edward, it's like what you just told me. You are here. You are loving and supporting Bella. That's all you can do. This is rough, but you will both survive, together. You just need to remember that. You are in this together."

"Did you get a counseling degree in college when I wasn't paying attention?"

Alice smiled. "Nope. I just know you, and Bella."

"Thank you Alice. Love you."

Alice leaned in and hugged me again. "Love you too. Both of you." We sat there quietly for several minutes. "How is she Edward? She didn't want me to come in."

"Bella is about as good as can be expected. Emotionally she's grieving and mentally she is blaming herself. She didn't want me to come in there either, but I went in anyway. Pretty much shoved past Dad." I shrugged.

"For once I appreciate you being so stubborn Edward. I was upset, and I didn't know what the fuck was going on." Alice pounded her thigh with her tiny fist in anger.

"Well, the good news is there hopefully isn't any permanent damage. Obviously that may change depending on what the surgeon finds. Even if one tube is no longer good, the other one still is. That was the first thing that Bella asked the doctor about. Could we still have children?"

Alice nodded. "Are you hungry Edward?" I shook my head. "I'm going to go get some coffee, do you want some?"

"No, thank you Alice." I offered her an attempt at a smile.

"I'll be back."

Once Alice was gone, I let the tears I had been holding back flow. I was so grateful Bella was going to be okay. At the same time I was just…..fuck I was angry. Then I started wondering all those things I shouldn't. I wondered if it was a boy or a girl. Was that known by three months? It had to be. When I felt a wave of nausea I forced myself to stop thinking about it. It wasn't going to change anything. I was only torturing myself.

I cried for a few more moments. If I was going to be a shoulder for Bella to lean on, I needed to get it together. It didn't bother me to cry in front of her, but her needs came first right now. I would share my tears with Bella at some point, that I knew.

I must've dozed off for a bit. When I opened my eyes Dad was at his desk, reading. "Is she?"

"Not out yet Edward. We should get the call that she is at any moment."

I sat up. "Okay. How long has it been?"

"Two hours. Alice went home, I told her one of us would call her and keep her posted."

I just sat there trying to feel what was real and what wasn't. I was having trouble telling. Dad's cell rang and my eyes locked with his as he answered.

"Okay. We are on our way down." Dad hung up. "Bella's out of surgery, she did fine."

I closed my eyes for a moment and thanked God.

"Come on son. She'll be in recovery when we get there. You know Bella will be pretty out of it, and she's going to be on an oxygen mask. She won't look good."

"Yes, I know, I know.…let's just go please." I stood and waited for him. We walked in silence to surgical recovery. Once we were through the doors Dad led the way. I could see her ahead at the end of a few patients in similar situations. I knew I was lucky to be back here. Clearly family wasn't allowed in yet usually.

Bella was as white as the sheets she lay on, dark circles visible under her eyes. Her hair was a little tangled and she was wearing an oxygen mask. Dr. Wey saw us come in and met us at the bed.

"Carlisle."

"This is Edward, Bella's fiancé and my son."

Dr. Wey shook my hand. "Yes, we haven't met officially yet."

I had to ask. "Did everything go okay Dr. Wey?" She smiled and nodded.

"Yes it did. Her tube hadn't ruptured yet and her blood loss was minimal. There may be some scarring though, so I'm not sure if it will remain open or not. But otherwise everything else looked healthy and normal."

I relaxed a little. "Can this happen again?" _Please say no, please say no_.

"It's unlikely. As your dad may have told you, it's uncommon."

"Okay."

"I'll be by to check on her again tonight after she's in her room, and tomorrow morning. I don't see any reason at this point why Bella can't go home tomorrow. There will be someone to take care of her?"

"Yes, I will be there." Bella better accept the fact that I was probably going to be hovering over her.

Dr. Wey and Dad moved off to the side to talk a bit more. I walked over and took Bella's hand in mine. I kissed her forehead and whispered. "I'm right here love."

Bella's eyes fluttered open, but there was no recognition there. She was still too groggy. They closed again. I just stood there and kept her hand in mine. Dad hovered in the background, in case I needed him. A nurse changed her oxygen mask to the nasal prongs and rubbed Bella's shoulder.

"Bella, you are out of surgery. Everything went fine." Bella's eyes opened again and tried to focus on the nurse. "Are you in pain at all?" Bella tried to talk but her mouth was too dry. She shook her head instead. The nurse moistened a rag and wet Bella's lips. Bella licked them, swallowed slowly and croaked out. "Edward…."

"Love I'm right here." Bella turned and I saw that she recognized me.

"Okay." She tried to smile and closed her eyes again. The next hour Bella would come to for a few seconds at a time. Once she saw I was still there she would smile and close her eyes again. The nurse would come by and ask about her pain level. Bella kept saying she was okay. When she was able to be off the oxygen they decided to move her to her room.

I followed behind as the wheeled Bella to her room. Once she was settled in her bed there she closed her eyes again and slept. I lay my head on the mattress next to her hand, holding it in mine. I watched her breath slowly in and out. Dad had left to go home for awhile. Finally sleep found me too.

A squeeze on my hand brought me out of my fitful rest. I opened my eyes to see Bella looking at me, her eyes more alert. "Hey there love." I sat up and smiled at her. "Are you hurting at all?"

Bella shifted and grimaced. "A little achy, but okay. Water?" I grabbed the cup and brought the straw to her lips. She took a small sip. "Thanks. Where's my ring?"

I chuckled at the impatient tone to her voice. "Right here sweetie." I took the ring out of my pocket and slid it back where it belonged. "Better?"

Bella nodded. "Much." Her gaze met mine and I could see all the questions there.

"The surgery went fine. There might be a little scarring in the tube, but Dr. Wey said everything else looked healthy." I stood up and stroked her face.

"So, the pregnancy is…….." Bella teared up a little and wasn't able to finish the sentence.

"Yes love, I'm sorry." Bella closed her eyes and took a shaky breath.

"It's not supposed to happen this way. We aren't supposed to find out I'm pregnant hours before we are forced to let it go. It's just…….." Bella looked up at me.

"Completely fucking unfair and cruel?" Bella nodded.

Bella shifted a little. "Hold me please Edward?"

"Of course love." Bella scooted a little further. I got up on the bed and lay on my side facing her. Making sure her surgery site was not pressed against me, I wrapped her up in my arms. I wasn't surprised when Bella lay her ear over my heart. "You need more rest Bella. I won't go anywhere. Remember, I won't let you go."

Bella kissed my chest before she fell back asleep. The nurse came in and just shook her head when she saw me in the bed. I shrugged apologetically at her and she smiled. After she had looked over Bella's vitals she left the room again.

I lost track of time laying there with Bella. Dad showed up and entered the room quietly. "How is she doing?"

"So far okay." Bella whimpered a little in her sleep next to me. "Although she's doing that more and more. I think she's hurting."

"Well as soon as Bella's awake if she needs more pain meds she can have some."

"Please." Bella's voice spoke up and I looked down to see her peering up at me.

"Pain meds?"

"Yes." Bella tried to move and I leaned away while she found a more comfortable position. Dad peered out the door and said something to the nurse. Then he walked over to the side of the bed.

"Edward told you everything went okay Bella?" Carlisle reached out and touched her shoulder.

"Yes, thank you Carlisle. For everything."

"No problem, you are welcome." The nurse came in and injected something into Bella's line. A few minutes later she giggled.

"I can feel it." I rolled my eyes at her.

"I'm sure you can. Remember what happened the last time you had pain meds Bella?"

Bella yawned and looked up at me before she snuggled back into my chest. "Didn't you video it?" Dad snorted and stifled a laugh.

"Yes. I think you just need to say good night Bella, for now."

Bella smiled and closed her eyes. "Good night Bella, for now." I shook my head as she fell back asleep.

Dad was grinning at me. "You weren't kidding about her being a lightweight Edward."

"Nope."

"Your mother sent a sandwich for you." Dad held up a bag. "And some more comfortable clothes to be in tonight."

"Tell her thanks and I love her." Dad set the bag on the chair. "Would you stay here while I change and use the restroom?"

"Of course."

I slid out from Bella. She made a grabbing motion as she sensed my departure, but relaxed back into a deeper sleep almost instantly. Thank goodness for pain medication. Once I was in the sweats Mom had sent, I sat and ate my sandwich. Dad sat across from me.

"Thank you Dad, for all you did for both of us today. Is Alice up to date?"

"No thanks needed Edward. And yes Alice is caught up. She said she would be by tomorrow when Bella was more awake, after I recommended that would be the best time of course. Otherwise she'd be here at six am." Dad grinned.

After a couple quiet moments, Dad looked over at Bella before he dropped his voice very low. "You know that the road ahead will be rocky and emotional?"

"I know. She has her brave face on right now." Dad seemed satisfied that I had already considered what lay ahead.

We chatted about completely mindless crap while I ate. The nurse came in to check on Bella again. She glanced up at us. "I assume you will be back over here later?" She pointed to the space where I had been laying earlier.

"If she wants me there I will be there." My tone was friendly, but insistent.

The nurse nodded and smiled. "Just checking."

Once she was gone I turned back to Dad. "Whatever you did to get Bella a good room and a great nurse, thank you."

Dad laughed. "I just called in a few favors. And on that note I'll leave you for the night. Call if you need anything okay? Love you." Dad hugged me.

"Love you too Dad."

When he was gone I turned the lights down in the room. I sat back down by Bella and held her hand. The moment our skin touched her eyes opened and found me. "Water?"

I held the water while she drank. "Thank you. My mouth is so dry every time I wake up." Bella shifted in the bed and frowned.

"Pain?" I rubbed the back of her hand.

Bella blushed. "No I have to pee." She had been so out of it from pain meds earlier that I doubted she remembered them pulling her urinary catheter.

I smiled. "Do you want me to get the nurse?" I wasn't sure she was ready for me to be taking on that role yet.

Bella smiled back at me. "No I think you'll do fine if you don't mind helping me."

"Of course not." I lowered the arm of the bed and helped Bella slowly scoot to the edge. "I've got you whenever you are ready to stand." I wrapped on arm around Bella's waist and held her upper arm with my other hand.

"Okay." Slowly Bella slid off the side and put her feet on the ground.

"Take your time Bella. Just stand there a second." Bella nodded and leaned against me. After a couple minutes I asked. "Ready to take a few steps."

"Yep." I held Bella tight as she shuffled across the floor. A few times we paused so she could rest. Once we were in the bathroom I turned Bella so she was facing me.

"I'm going to back you up and help you sit okay?" Bella nodded. Slowly I helped Bella find the toilet. Once she was sitting she moved her hospital gown so she wasn't sitting on it. Then she sighed and laughed, but stopped quickly with a groan. "What love?"

"Ow, too soon for laughing. I'm just finding this so ridiculous. Don't you think so too?" Bella smiled up at me from her perch on the toilet. I grabbed the bench from the corner shower and parked myself against the wall.

"Maybe a little." I grinned at her. "You want some privacy?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "Probably won't be the first time I'll pee in front of you in the next seventy years, so I guess I better get used to it. But you can leave if you want."

"I'm good." I smiled at her.

"But stop staring at me." I laughed hard and Bella blushed lightly. It was nice to see a little pink on her pale cheeks.

"Alright, I'll count tiles then." I looked away with a bored expression. Bella giggled.

"Okay that is worse Edward. I can't giggle and pee."

I shook my head. "Want me to run some water for you? Talk about waterfalls and rivers?"

"Shut up Cullen!"

I raised my hands. "Just trying to help you out pee girl. Tell you what. I'll tell you about the first time Jake met Aston." Bella nodded. "Okay, so Jake was a recent vet graduate. He came out to do a routine visit for Aston, just to practice his exam skills. He hadn't met Aston yet. I knew Aston could be difficult, but I figured it would be fine. It wasn't."

I was looking around the room as I talked, so that I wasn't watching Bella. "I had Aston in the aisle way. Jake was listening to his heart. As Jake crossed around the front right next to me, Aston struck out like a snake and grabbed Jake's coat in his teeth." Bella started to pee but I pretended I hadn't heard a thing. "Aston would not let go of Jake. He almost pulled Jake off the ground completely. Finally I was able to get Aston to let go. Their relationship has always been tenuous at best since then."

I looked at Bella. "Done?" Bella snickered and nodded.

"Thanks for the story."

I squatted down and had Bella put her arms on my shoulders, standing up with her. Once we were face to face I smiled. "Not a problem."

"Favor Edward?" Bella was looking at me hopefully.

"Sure, what?"

"Reminder please?" Bella raised an eyebrow at me.

I shook my head at her. "You had surgery hours ago and you want a reminder?"

"A little one, please Edward."

"Oh alright. I suppose you have twisted my arm." I leaned down and brushed my lips over hers before I kissed her gently. Bella smiled under my lips. I pulled back and looked at her. "Back to bed for you."

We made our way slowly back to the bed. Once Bella was back in and under the blankets she patted the mattress next to her.

"Are you sure you will be comfortable Bella. Your rest is the most important thing."

"Edward I will only be able to sleep if you are next to me."

"Okay." I climbed in with her. Bella turned on her good side and snuggled back into me. I rested my hand on her hip. I didn't want to wrap my arm around Bella and accidentally hit one of her small incisions. "This alright?"

"Perfect. Night Edward."

"Night love."

Sleeping in a hospital, in any form, is never restful. Nurses had to come in regularly and check Bella. It felt like just as she would get to sleep, someone would want to take her temperature or some other bullshit. At about six am I growled in frustration. "I'm getting you out of here today. You can't rest if they are checking your temperature every three hours through the night."

Bella patted my arm. "They are just doing their job."

"I don't care. It's insane. You are coming home today." I kissed the side of her neck and Bella leaned on me briefly.

"Fine with me." She was still pretty pale today. At least the dark circles under her eyes weren't as bad as yesterday.

Dad showed up at eight am and I told him Bella needed to get home, today. As we were talking Dr. Wey showed up to check on Bella. After looking at all her incisions and feeling her belly, she said she had no issue with sending Bella home with oral pain medication. I think partly because Carlisle may have told Dr. Wey he would keep an eye on Bella.

Alice rolled in at ten am while we were still waiting for discharge instructions. "Morning everyone!" She came over and gave Bella a long hug and a loving look. "I brought you something." Out from behind Alice's back came a Victoria's Secret bag.

Bella rolled her eyes. "Lingerie Alice….really? Not exactly good recovery wear."

Alice stuck her tongue out at Bella. "Do you not know me any better Bella? Just open it."

Bella took the bag and pulled out something pink and black plaid. "Fleece pajamas?? Alice these are perfect, thank you!"

"Even I know there are only certain things you wear when you are getting better from surgery. I figured if it was fleece from Victoria's Secret, it was fashionable."

Bella reached out and hugged Alice again. "Thank you. I want to wear them home. Edward will you help me?"

"Certainly." Everyone vacated the room while I helped Bella get out of her hospital gown and into her new pajamas. "Even I'm surprised by Alice sometimes. These are really soft Bella. I'll like snuggling with you wearing these. Almost as good as when you are wearing nothing."

Bella smacked my arm as we got the bottoms pulled up. "No fair turning me on Edward."

"Sorry." I gave her an apologetic look. I was used to no filter speaking around Bella. It definitely wasn't fair to say things like that right now.

Once we were freed and Bella was in the car next to me on the way home, I breathed a sigh of relief. I stopped long enough to fill her prescription and get a few groceries that sounded good to Bella for things to eat. Bella dozed in the car while I was inside.

At home I got her upstairs and into bed first. After a little snack Bella took her pain meds, and promptly fell asleep. I left the room long enough to call in some favors on barn duties for the next few days so I could take care of Bella. After that I could probably return to some of it, as long as Bella wasn't requiring me to actually sit on her to keep her activity down.

Back in the bedroom I stripped down to my boxers and climbed in bed next to Bella. I was wiped out. Bella sensed my presence and reached out, laying her arm across my chest. Hallie was curled up next to Bella's calves, her head laying on them in a protective way.

I don't know what time it was when I woke up, but the sound of sniffling was what brought me to. I looked over to see Bella's back to me, and she was crying. She had buried her face into her pillow, probably trying to prevent me hearing her. I reached out and pulled gently on her shoulder. Bella turned to look at me, her face stricken. Without a word I took her in my arms. I was wondering when it was going to hit her again. I'd had some moments to let it out, but Bella had been playing tough since she woke up from anesthesia.

Bella's sobs were breaking my heart. All I could do was hold her while she emptied herself of the grief she had been repressing. "I'm so sorry love, I know how it hurts. I wish I could make the pain vanish." I whispered into her hair.

Bella cried for quite awhile. Finally she was just sniffling and hiccuping against me. I leaned back and stroked her tear streaked cheek. "I'm not trying to downplay what we have been through, or make it less important. However I'm probably going to fumble what I'm about to say, so know that ahead of time okay?"

Bella nodded at me. I took a deep breath trying to find the words. "Something about this wasn't meant to be love, do you know what I mean? I'm not saying it isn't awful, and how much I wish this hadn't been the outcome. But when it's meant to be it will. Does that make any sense? I swear I'm not being insensitive."

Bella offered me a weak smile and leaned up to kiss me gently. "No, I know what you mean Edward. And I know it doesn't mean this hasn't been as sad for you as it had for me. I certainly don't think you are being insensitive. And I agree. It's just hard when you are grieving someone you didn't even really know. I guess it's almost like grieving the idea of it, because that's all it ever really got to be."

Bella paused while I stroked her hair back. "Part of me worries that what if we aren't able to have children." She looked down at my chest. "I don't think that's fair to you, and maybe it might change what you want."

I tilted her face back up to look at me. "Bella. Let's say we found out suddenly one day I was sterile. Would it change how you felt about me and what you wanted for our future?"

Bella looked shocked. "No! Of course not. We could adopt or something……" I nodded at her. Bella looked a little sheepish as her own words sunk in.

"Why do you think I'd feel any different? Bella a family is what you make it. The two of us." I gestured between the both of us. "We are already a family. We can choose many different ways to add children to our family. We can have our own, adopt, both. Hell we can have a herd if you want." Bella shook her head at me. "Okay no herd. But you see what I'm trying to say?"

Bella sighed and kissed me again. "Yes. I do. And I love you."

"I love you too. And stop borrowing trouble about whether or not we can have kids. As of right now there is no reason to think we can't, right?"

"Right." Bella laid her head over my heart.

I glanced at the clock. We had slept for almost three hours. "You are about due for more medicine and you should eat something before you take it. What sounds good?"

Bella thought for several moments. She was so quiet I had to look to make sure she hadn't fallen asleep. "Cinnamon toast."

"Pardon?"

"Buttered toast with cinnamon and sugar. You've seen me make it. I have that salt shaker with the mix in it."

"Oh yes. Okay I can manage that. What to drink?"

"A margarita please." I gave her a look and Bella slowly moved off of me so I could get up. "Kidding. That with pain drugs would put me in a coma. Just water please."

"I'll be back." I went and made her toast and brought everything back up. Bella looked at the plate and up at me.

"Aren't you hungry Edward? You should eat too."

"I did before I joined you earlier. I'm fine." I crawled in bed and helped Bella sit up a bit more. She leaned her head against my shoulder as she ate her toast. I helped her make a trip to the bathroom before the next dose of pain meds knocked her out.

Back in bed I tucked the blankets up around the both of us. Bella shifted a few times trying to get comfortable. Once she was settled I scooted in closer and Bella grasped my hand. "Thank you Edward."

"For what?"

"For being you. For taking care of me. Especially for loving me." Bella smiled at me and it was one of the first one I'd seen that reached her eyes.

"With you, all those things are easy. I could thank you for the same things." I kissed the back of her hand.

"You just did."

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***Hides behind snuggie, peeking out carefully offering kleenex* Okay I hope you all don't hate me, but like I said, this has been a planned part of the plot for a long time. I cried writing this chapter, but I'm so happy with how it turned out. I promise they will rise above this, but there will be some struggles in the next chapter to do with this as well.  
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**I will say that while I did do some research for this chapter....I am not a doctor....just a vet student. So if there are mistakes due to creative license, just go with the flow.**

**And for those people who asked me specifically in reviews if Bella was pregnant, I never said no. I just reminded you she had her period. (Those things can and do happen to real women)**

**Okay, review and tell me if you want to smack me or not....or if you still love me. I hope you still love me. And chapter 3 is more than half done.**

**RTW 13 is up and very fun and shamwow-y if you need an upper.  
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	3. Chapter 3

**Hi everyone. **

**Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews last chapter and faith in my plans for the story. I know it was a rough read for some people. I really appreciate all the readers who took the time to review and let me know I got it right. And I made many of you cry.....which amazes me. All I know is it made me cry to write it.  
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**So this is the last chapter of angst. Not that this won't be a topic revisited at some point, but next chapter will return to lighter fluffier stuff. This chapter has possibility for tears, but not as bad as last chapter.**

**Again, thank you for the love.**

**I don't own any of the characters, they belong to Stephanie Meyer. However the plot and ideas which are within are original to me. Please don't copy without permission.  
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**Chapter 3**

**EPOV**

_I'm powerless to change your world  
I'm powerless to stop the hurt  
I'm trying hard to be your tower of strength  
I'm trying hard to bring you back to joy_

_I'll give you my heart, give you my shoulder  
Give you my heart, give you my shoulder_

_When the night just cuts you through  
And the dream is lost to you  
When you're worried and confused  
I will give you my heart give you my shoulder_

_Heart and Shoulder ~ Heather Nova_

It was very rare in life that I didn't have an answer or a plan. A way to achieve what I wanted in the future. For the first time ever I was at a loss as to what to do. I thought I felt helpless the day Bella was in the emergency room and had surgery. This was worse. These weren't wounds I could kiss away like I had done with the bruises from James.

Bella was healing, physically. Emotionally and mentally she was struggling. I felt like I was watching her sink in quicksand, but she couldn't reach the rope I offered her. Each day she grew quieter, more stagnant. When she thought I wasn't watching was when Bella's exterior reflected her interior. I had gently reminded her it was okay to show what she was feeling. That it wasn't healthy to hold her emotions in. Bella kept saying she was fine and that she just wanted to move forward. How could we move forward when she was stuck, and I was stuck with her? There was no way I was going to move ahead and leave her behind.

Alice had called me the other day worried since Bella really wasn't talking to her yet either. Every time she had called, even just to say hi, Bella would shake her head at me. I would tell her Bella was sleeping, and Alice knew I was lying. At least part of the time I was. Bella had begun to sleep more during the day, partially because she wasn't sleeping well at night. She would wake up from nightmares that left her shaken. Normally Bella remembered her dreams, talked during them. That wasn't happening with her nightmares. It was like she couldn't even let her guard down in her sleep now.

Last night's had been particularly bad for both of us. Somehow I would sense when things changed as we slept. I wasn't sure if it was the alteration to her breathing, or how Bella's body stiffened next to mine. I was on alert even as I slept for the terror to find her again. Bella was right next to me and I couldn't do anything to protect her from this. I would try to wake her before the worst hit, but last night I wasn't able to.

Bella's arm gripped me suddenly, which is what jolted me out of my sleep. I looked down in the dim light and saw her clinging to my chest. Her fingers curled tighter, pulling on my t-shirt. I realized what was happening and rubbed her shoulder. "Love, wake up."

Her whole body trembled next to mine and I felt her heart start to race. Shit. "Bella, you need to wake up." I rubbed her shoulder harder. A sound of anguish came from her throat and I felt my stomach clench. I was almost shaking her now, "Love, please wake up." The nightmare ended like they always did. Bella was breathing hard and suddenly she bolted upright in bed.

"Edward!" Her shrill cry shattered the relative quiet of our room. Bella looked around frantically, still not fully awake.

"I'm right here love." I moved in behind her and wrapped my arms around her. Bella collapsed back against me, still shaking. "It's okay, I'm right here." I waited and kept my lips pressed to the side of her neck while her breathing slowed. I gently encouraged her to lay back down with me. Bella's arms surrounded my neck and she hung onto me for a moment before she released me. I kissed her forehead.

"Sorry I woke you Edward."

"Don't worry about it." I traced slow circles on her back until her body relaxed completely. I could tell when she drifted back off to sleep. I kissed her forehead again, wishing that this enemy was something I could actually see to fight. Fitful sleep was all I ever got after Bella woke with a nightmare.

So here I was on the phone with Alice way earlier in the morning than was usually possible for her. I rubbed my forehead, feeling the ache from worry settling behind my eyes. "Alice, give her time. She has her ten day follow up with the doctor today. I'm going with her and if Dr. Wey can't do something, then I'm going to have her meet with Dad."

I could almost hear the wheels turning in Alice's head as she looked for ideas. "What about Mom?"

"What about her?"

"Maybe she could talk to Bella? She did have a similar experience." Alice now knew about the miscarriage Mom had suffered before we were born.

"I've considered that too." I had thought about that for a couple days. Bella's mom was God knows where. The Andes last I had heard. Plus they didn't really have the conventional mother daughter relationship. I wondered if talking to Mom would help. It certainly couldn't hurt.

"I think you should speak to Mom about talking to Bella."

"I will, in fact let me call her now before Bella wakes up. I'll talk to you later sis. Love you."

"Love you too Edward. Keep me posted."

"Will do." I hung up the phone and went to get some more coffee. I sat back down at the kitchen table and took a deep breath before I dialed my mother.

"Hi sweetie. You are calling early."

"Hi Mom. Yes, I needed to talk to you." I tried to collect myself and figure out how I was going to say what I wanted.

"Okay. What's up?"

"It's about Bella."

I heard Mom sigh. "I figured that might be why you are calling. Things are bad?"

"That's an understatement. Mom I just don't know what to do for her. I was wondering if you would talk to her. Maybe you can say something that will get through to her. Maybe if she knows someone who has….." I closed my eyes.

When my voice trailed off Mom finished my sentence. "Had a similar loss?"

"Yes."

"Honey, I would be happy to talk to her. I don't know what I'll be able to do to help, but I will try."

"Thanks Mom." I felt a slight sense of relief.

"You are welcome. Now how are you doing?"

That was tough to answer. "I'm okay. I have my up and down moments."

"Hang in there sweetie. How about I come over early this evening?"

"That would be fine."

"Okay, I'll see you later."

"Bye Mom." I hung up my cell and tucked it in my pocket.

I heard the shower start upstairs so I went up to make sure Bella didn't need any help. The bathroom door was ajar, but I knocked anyway before I went in. "Morning love."

"Morning." I could see her figure through the shower door. She stood with her head back under the spray.

"Need anything?"

"Nope. I'm good. Thank you though."

"Do you want me to make you some breakfast?" I was really hoping she'd say yes. Her appetite had been questionable as well lately.

"No, I'll be down in a minute." Code for please go downstairs and wait for me.

"Okay. I'll be in the kitchen. Holler if you need anything."

I went downstairs and tried to occupy myself with my coffee and the newspaper. Bella wandered in, wearing her yoga pants and one of my sweatshirts. It had been her uniform for the last six days. Either that or the pajamas Alice had given her.

I looked her over carefully while she got her coffee. I was sure she had lost some weight. But I hadn't really seen her without layers of clothes since the surgery. Her eyes had the same dark circles. The hollowness I saw in them broke my heart. The familiar warmth I was used to in their brown depths was absent still. Fucking hell.

She joined me at the table, curling her legs up underneath herself. I smiled over at her and took her hand. "Sleep okay?" It was a dumb question, because we both knew she hadn't.

Bella shrugged. "I've slept better, but not too bad." She looked down and I knew she was remembering her nightmare that woke us around three am. "You're still coming with me today right?" There was a sense of panic to Bella's voice.

I squeezed her hand. "Of course." Bella looked relieved.

"Will you come with me into to the exam room?"

"I planned on it unless you told me not to. Do you want me to?"

Bella glanced up at me and her voice trembled just slightly. "Yes please."

I reached over and rubbed her shoulder. "You should get some breakfast."

Bella looked at me and gave me a half hearted nod of agreement. I knew that meant she wasn't going to eat. I fought an irrational moment of anger and smiled at her instead. Getting mad wasn't going to help either of us.

"I need to run out to the barn for a few minutes and check in with Heather. Make sure everything is okay. Then we will leave, alright?"

"Okay."

As I walked out to the barn I wondered when Bella would make a trip out here. She had declined the last few times I had asked. I had been back to riding the last few days, but Bella didn't seem to want to come down and see the horses. I wondered if it was because she couldn't ride yet and it bothered her.

Heather was a former student of mine who was one of the people that had graciously agreed to help out while Bella recovered. I was grateful I had a circle of friends in the horse world I could call on. It wasn't a huge group, because I had pissed people off in the past with my inability to be tactful at all times. There were just some things I felt too strongly on to be able to not speak my mind. There had been some repercussions to that, but I didn't regret it.

Once I knew everything was in hand at the barn, I went back to the house. Bella was hovering near the front door waiting for me. Her silence on the trip to the doctor's office was awkward but I expected it. I held Bella's hand in the waiting room, watching her leg bounce from nerves. When her name was called she visibly startled, having been so caught up in whatever she was thinking about.

The nurse weighed Bella on the way in and it confirmed for me she'd lost some weight. Bella wouldn't meet my gaze as she stepped off the scale. The nurse left the room so she could change into the gown. Quickly she pulled off her sweatshirt and pants, hurrying to cover back up with a nervous look my way. This was the first time I had really seen her entire body since she was in the hospital. Even I hadn't heard her weight at the scale, I would've known for sure now looking at her. She had lost at least five pounds, maybe more. Bella wasn't dumb. She knew I would notice that.

Bella moved to climb up on the exam table. I stopped her and lifted her up gently. She lay back and looked at me. Her eyes held nothing but anxiety and fear, and I hated to see it. I just stroked her face once with the back of my hand. "It's okay."

Bella shook her head. "No, it isn't. Don't lie."

I sighed. "You're right, it's not. But I don't know what to do to help."

Bella teared up for a moment. "I don't know either."

"I think we need to talk to Dr. Wey about this, don't you?" I was putting the ball In Bella's court to say she needed some help.

Bella nodded and took my hand. There was a knock on the door and Dr. Wey came in with a smile and a big hello. She took one look at Bella's face and glanced at me. I'm sure the worry was evident on my face. "Well I suspect we need to talk after I check your incisions don't we?"

Bella opened her mouth and then closed it quickly. She looked to me to help answer so I did. "Yes we have some things we need to ask you about today Dr. Wey."

"Alright, well let me look you over first Bella." She pulled up Bella's gown and looked over her small incisions. "These are healing nicely. Tell me if you have any pain." She felt around Bella's abdomen, but Bella shook her head.

"No pain."

"Good. Let's get these sutures out." Dr. Wey efficiently removed the few sutures Bella had. "Okay you can sit up." I put one hand on Bella's back and helped her sit up. Dr. Wey grabbed the stool and sat down in front of Bella. "What's going on Bella?"

Bella looked down and traced the ugly pattern on the gown. "I don't know." Dr. Wey met my eyes, knowing I would speak if Bella wouldn't.

"Would you feel better if Edward left the room?"

"No!" Bella gripped my hand. I leaned over and kissed her right above the ear.

"I won't leave." I felt her grip relax slightly.

Dr. Wey reached out at gently touched Bella's leg. "Things have been pretty rough for you Bella?"

Bella nodded and fought a sob. Dr. Wey looked at me. "And it's tough for you to see her like this isn't it Edward?"

"Yes." I felt Bella's eyes on me and swallowed before I met them. I really didn't want to add to her burden. "Because I feel like there isn't anything I can do, and anything I try doesn't help."

"Edward you are doing everything you can for me, I couldn't ask for more." Bella choked back another sob.

"I know love, but I still wish I could do more." I kissed the top of her head.

Dr. Wey nodded. "So how are you feeling Bella?"

Bella hesitated for a moment. "Sad, lost, like I don't care really what's going on around me, like I'm in a fog."

"Are you eating and sleeping?"

"Yes." I cleared my throat loudly and threw Bella a pointed look. She sighed and leaned her head on me. "No. I'm not really hungry. I keep having bad nightmares that I can't remember when I wake up."

Dr. Wey looked in Bella's chart. "You've lost six pounds in ten days Bella, that isn't good." She set the chart down.

Bella nodded, not saying anything more. Dr. Wey looked at me. "Edward, would you like to add anything."

"What Bella said is correct, she's not eating or sleeping. She won't talk to her best friend on the phone. Hell she won't talk to me. She sleeps a lot during the day. I know there is a time frame for these things, and everyone is different. Maybe we are just being too impatient. I just hate seeing her like she's barely alive. It kills me."

"Well you are right that everyone processes this type of loss differently. I am concerned Bella that maybe you are not dealing well with the emotional consequences of losing the pregnancy." I felt Bella stiffen next to me. Dr. Wey continued, "It might be early, but at the same time Bella, I wouldn't have any problem with prescribing something to help with the insomnia and any anxiety while things are really tough. I think you should consider counseling too, if you feel like you need to talk to someone impartial. What do you think?"

Bella was quiet for a moment. "How long would I need to take them?"

"Everyone is different Bella. Some people just a couple months, others a little longer."

I could tell Bella was having difficulty with the medication idea. Exactly why I wasn't sure.

"Can I think about it Dr. Wey?"

"Sure. Tell you what. I'll give you the prescription. You can take some time to decide how you want to proceed. Whatever you decide to do, I want to see you in the next two to four weeks, depending on how you are feeling, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'll give you some suggestions for counselors too." Dr. Wey started writing down and then handed a couple of pieces of paper to Bella, who promptly handed them to me.

"When can I ride again?" My heart gave a little happy beat to hear Bella ask that. Dr. Wey gave her a smile for asking.

"I would say any type of activity with intense use of your lower body needs to wait at least another week. You'll know when you are ready to get back in the saddle." Dr. Wey chose words that would answer Bella's question as well as the unspoken one about sex. Dr. Wey didn't need to worry about sex. Neither of us had been thinking about anything remotely like that. "The last bit of advice I'll give you Bella, is give yourself a break. You too Edward. This has been hard on both of you and you need to be kind to yourselves, got it?"

"Yes." I looked over at Bella waiting for her reply.

Bella looked from me to Dr. Wey. "I got it."

Dr. Wey stood and put her hand on Bella's shoulder. "It will get better Bella, I promise. I'm here to make sure of it. Okay?"

Bella whispered, "Thank you."

Dr. Wey patted my shoulder as well as she left the room. Once the door was shut Bella leaned her forehead into my chest. "I'm sorry Edward."

"For what? You haven't done anything wrong?"

"Yes I have. I keep selfishly forgetting that there are two of us affected by this. Not to mention how you feel about seeing me like this."

I bent down so we were eye to eye. "Bella, yes it's tough to see you like this because I feel like there is nothing I can do to help. But I don't blame you. You are just trying to find your way out. I hate that I can't help you find the right path. I want you back."

"Edward, you are the light at the end of this tunnel that I'm in. You are the only thing showing me there even is a way out. I want to be back. It just seems like such a monumental task."

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into my chest. "I will help you, step by step. We will just take it little bits at a time okay?"

There was a muffled, "Okay." from my chest. I helped Bella get out of the gown and get back into her clothes. I took her hand and gave her a smile.

"Starting with getting you some lunch, deal?"

"Deal. If we can do it at home?"

"Sure." We drove home and I was pleased to see Bella turn the radio on and put her favorite station on. When we pulled in the driveway I looked over at her. She offered me a smile and I took her hand and kissed it.

Once we were inside I went to the kitchen with Bella following behind. "I'm going to make myself a BLT. Would you like one?"

Bella leaned against the counter looking like she wanted to hop up so she could watch me. I walked over and stood in front of her. "Up?" She wasn't healed quite enough to do that on her own.

Bella chuckled at the fact I knew what she wanted. "Yes please, to both questions." I lifted her up on the counter and got to work making the sandwiches. Bella leaned back against the cabinet. I could feel her eyes following me as I moved around the kitchen. Occasionally I would catch her eye and give her a smile. She looked a little more peaceful than she had earlier.

I put our sandwiches on the table and Bella slid down and joined me. I made sure I wasn't really staring at her as she ate. But I was relieved to see she actually was.

"Edward?"

"Yes love."

Bella was quiet and played with part of a left over crust on her plate. I waited patiently for to continue. She looked up at me and then back down at her plate a few times before she spoke. "I don't know…..never mind."

"No, I won't do that. What did you want?" As I spoke I took her hand that was picking apart the crust and held it in mine.

Bella sighed. "I want to not feel empty."

I didn't have a solution for that. "Are you done eating?" She nodded. "Come with me." I stood up and Bella followed me as I led her upstairs. Standing by our bed I motioned for her to climb up. She did and I joined her. I did the only thing I could think of to do. I pulled her into my chest. I took her hand and slid it under my t-shirt and placed it over my heart, holding it there. Bella lay on the pillow gazing at me. "This is all I know to do…..is hold you Bella. I don't know if it will help the emptiness you are feeling, but reminding you how much I love you is the only solution I can think of. I hope for now, it's enough."

Bella closed her eyes and I saw one tear leak out and run down into the pillow. "It helps Edward." She scooted over until she was pressed up against me. Tucking her head under my chin, Bella let out a shaky sigh. "I don't know how I feel about taking medication Edward."

"I could tell you had concerns. What bothers you about it?"

Bella's hand pressed harder into the center of my chest. "I feel like I should be able to do it myself. That it makes me weak if I can't."

"Love, that isn't true. It would just be a temporary thing. Sometimes we need a little more help to deal with the shit that life throws at you. It doesn't make you weak. Asking for help is the bravest thing you can do."

Bella shrugged. "I wish I had your strength."

I shifted so I could see her face. "Bella, remember my Tanya crap I told you about?"

Bella frowned. "How could I forget, skanky bitch from….."

I cut her off before she could get riled up. "Easy there tiger. Don't waste your energy on her. As long as you know what I'm referring to?" Bella nodded. "I was on medication for about four months after that."

"Anti-anxiety medication?

"Yes."

Bella was quiet as that sunk in. Finally she whispered, "Did they help?"

"They did. It was a short term thing, but I needed some extra help until I worked through what had happened. Then I was able to wean off them and stay off them. But I don't regret taking them. It was what I had to do to get well. Bottom line Bella, you need to want to do what it takes to get well."

I watched Bella as she lay there thinking. I could tell she was coming to a decision. "Okay."

"Okay what?"

"I'll take them." Bella's eyes met mine.

"I'll fill the prescription later this afternoon." I ran on finger over the dark circle under one of her eyes. "Do you think you can nap a little bit, if I stay here with you?"

"I think so."

I shifted and grabbed the blanket from the end of the bed that Hallie was curled up on. She was most displeased to have her comfy place disturbed. "Sorry Hallie." Hallie narrowed her gold eyes at me and turned so that her butt was all I could see before she lay back down.

I lay on my back and Bella moved over, resting her head on my chest. She placed her hand back over my heart and threw one leg over mine. Once she was where she wanted to be, I covered her with the blanket. I started stroking my fingers down her face and neck and back up again slowly. "Sleep love." Bella closed her eyes and took a deep breath. I kept up the slow movements of my hand, timing it with her breaths. Within minutes she was out, her face finally relaxed.

I rested for awhile too. Bella slept on me for about an hour before she stirred and woke up. Her hair had fallen over her face so I helped her brush it back. "Do you feel more rested?"

"Yeah." Bella stretched and sat up slowly. Hallie did the same and came over to Bella for some attention. Bella petted her and scratched under her chin until Hallie was almost inside out with happiness.

I went out to the barn to ride a couple horses while Bella sat and read on the couch. I came back in to clean up before my Mom arrived. Bella stopped me before I walked in the bedroom. "Rides go okay?"

"Yep. Aston misses you though."

Bella nodded. "I'll need to come see him. I better make some apple muffins to help earn his forgiveness." It lightened my heart a little to hear Bella talk about returning to the barn, and baking.

I was downstairs planning dinner when Mom showed up. I answered the door and she gave me an enormous hug. "Hi sweetie. How are things?"

"Headed for better I hope. She's agreed to go on a temporary course of anti-anxiety medication. She knows I took some for awhile."

Mom nodded. "Well they helped you." She still didn't know all the Tanya details, just the fallout from it. My emotional state could've best been described as fucked up.

I grimaced a little, not really liking to remember those days at all. We were quiet for a moment and I heard Bella coming down the stairs. "Edward who was at the door?" She walked in and stared. "Oh my goodness. Esme, what are you doing here?"

Mom smiled and walked over to hug Bella. "I was in the neighborhood and I thought I would stop in to say hi."

"What a nice surprise." Bella hugged her back.

"I think I'll go take care of your prescription and get some items for dinner love? Anything you want?"

Bella thought for a second. "No, I think I'm good."

"Okay." I came over and gave her a quick kiss. "Behave yourself." Bella shook her head and smacked my shoulder.

As I left I really hoped that Mom's visit would be beneficial for Bella.

**BPOV**

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors?  
Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb  
Without a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold  
Until you find it there and lead it back home_

_Bring Me To Life ~ Evanescence_

Edward's eyes were on me again. They were on me wherever I went. He thought I didn't notice, and sometimes I didn't. But most of the time I could feel it. I knew what he saw. I had looked in the mirror. I just couldn't find it in myself to really care. I didn't care that I had lost weight, that I had dark circles under my eyes, basically looked like hell. My outside reflected how I felt on the inside.

I knew Edward was frustrated, and his patience was endearing. Sometimes it was annoying. I kept waiting for him to lose it and tell me to pull it together. But he never did, and I knew he wouldn't. That wasn't the way Edward did things. In the end that was probably for the better.

At Dr. Wey's I pulled on the exam gown as quickly as I could. I felt ashamed of how I appeared, and didn't want to let Edward see it. But he had been there to hear my weight. If he hadn't guessed it already, he knew now how much I really wasn't eating. Everything I had been trying to hide and hold in was rapidly being exposed. There was no way I could make it through this appointment without him either. I avoided making eye contact with Edward as long as I could. When our eyes finally did meet I knew for sure he was aware of everything now.

Even Dr. Wey knew something was wrong the moment she looked at me. Plus I was pretty sure Edward was trying to silently communicate something to her. Part of me wanted to keep hiding. Most of me was too tired to keep it up. The nightmares I had every night were torturous and draining.

As we left Dr. Wey's office, I was just as uncertain as when I had come in. Medication and counseling were her recommendations. I wasn't sure how I felt about going on drugs. There was no such thing as some magic pill that would fix this. Shouldn't I be able to do this on my own? Maybe I was too weak too? I didn't know.

Edward was the only thing left that grounded me, and kept me going. If I didn't have him, I don't know what I would do. I wasn't even really sure what exactly I was feeling anymore, except numb. I had been repressing anything else so hard that the rest of my emotions were frozen.

After lunch I suddenly found myself telling Edward I felt empty. I wasn't sure where that had come from. I didn't want to say it. I didn't want to risk hurting him more. I had already hurt him enough. Still the words tumbled from my lips against my better judgment. I guess if I told Edward why I held back from him, he would tell me how irrational that reasoning was.

This was how I found myself in Edward's arms in our bed. He put my hand over his heart, knowing why I loved to do that. Hoping it would give me some sort of comfort. It did. I could feel how much he loved me, it was in every beat. That was one of the reasons I was willing to try the medication. I had to do it for him, and for me. Then I found out how much Edward really did understand the situation I was in. I swore then I would open up to him more. Tell him the things that I feared to say out loud.

Edward begged me to rest. My body against his, I managed to get some dreamless sleep. When I awoke he was watching me. There were moments like this I just wanted to freeze time. Stay in this safe cocoon of Edward's arms. We had to get up though. Horses were waiting for Edward so I parked myself on the couch to read. Being alone with my own thoughts was my own worst enemy, but still I did it. I set the book aside and gazed out the window after I had read the same paragraph four times. I could see Gunner and Masen outside in a pasture together, grazing. I hoped I would have the desire to go back out there soon.

I was trying to read again, but still finding myself easily distracted. Edward had cleaned up from the barn and was downstairs. I heard him talking and for a moment thought he was on the phone. If it was Alice I really did need to talk to her. It wasn't fair to her that I kept ignoring her. She was my best friend. But the effort seemed like more than I could handle most of the time. A female voice floated up from downstairs and I realized someone was here. When I discovered Esme hugging Edward, my throat tightened a little. I was surprisingly happy to see her, and her hug felt comforting. When Edward conveniently chose that time to leave, I wondered if Esme's visit was really a surprise.

Esme followed me upstairs and sat on the couch next to me. I looked out the window. Quietly I asked, "You know what happened then?"

Esme reached over the back of the couch and took the hand I had resting there. "Yes."

"Is that why you're here?" I realized how that sounded. "I'm sorry Esme, that's not what I meant."

Esme sighed. "I know sweetheart. Well, I'm here to see how you are after what happened. But I'm also here to tell you something that I think might help you to know, about me."

I stopped staring at the trees and looked at Esme instead. "Okay."

Esme paused as she chose her words. "Two years before Edward was born, I discovered I was pregnant. It wasn't planned. Carlisle was still in his residency, and we weren't going to start a family until he was done with that. I was terrified to tell him, but he was thrilled at the news. Still there was a part of me wishing it wasn't happening yet. It was too soon."

I folded my legs under myself and squeezed her hand. I could see this wasn't easy for her. She gave me a gentle smile. "One night I was moving some furniture. Rearranging the living room. Carlisle was twenty-four hours into a forty-eight hour shift. I remember I was all sweaty when I lay down on the couch to take a break. My back was sore and I thought I had probably overdone it. I knew Carlisle would be irritated if he found out, so I decided to take a nap and get some rest."

Esme shifted and curled her legs up in front of her. "When I woke up my back was in spasms and I still felt really sweaty. Then I realized it was mainly wet under me. I stood up and there was a puddle of blood where I had been laying." Esme's eyes met mine. I knew what the rest of the story was.

"You miscarried?" I whispered.

Esme nodded. "Yes. I was about four months along. By the time I got to the hospital, even I knew there was nothing that could be done. Carlisle was finally able to get to me, but things were almost over by then. I was so doped on pain meds that I don't remember much after I got to the hospital."

"I'm so sorry Esme."

"It's okay. We never told Edward and Alice about it until now, because it just wasn't necessary. I know our situations are different, but in some ways they are the same. I understand how you are feeling."

I nodded. I leaned against Esme's shoulder and her hand started rubbing my arm. "Did you feel like it was your fault?"

"At times yes. For not wanting it at first, and then because I moved the furniture. But it wasn't anything I had done or didn't do. It's the same for you Bella."

"It's easier to blame myself though. I need something to be angry at."

"I know Bella, but is it helping you, or hurting you?" Esme asked quietly.

I didn't have to say anything. We both knew the answer to Esme's question. "I just feel so much loss. Like I lost part of myself that day. Now I feel like something is missing inside of me that I am unable to find."

Esme hummed in agreement. "I remember that feeling all too well."

"Does it get better?" I fought my tears, for the millionth time that week.

"It does. It takes time and there is lots of crying before you feel the hole fill in. There is no easy road there Bella. If you try to avoid the heartache, it just takes longer."

"I'm going to take some anti-anxiety meds for a while. I feel like if I can get some sleep I have a better shot to climb out of this dark hole I'm in."

Esme played with a few of my curls. "Whatever it takes Bella. Edward is here for you, and so are we."

When she mentioned Edward I started to cry in earnest. Somehow I ended up with my head on a pillow in Esme's lap. She sat there quietly stroking my hair. "He loves you Bella."

I choked out, "I know. I just hate how much I've hurt him. I've kept him at arm's length. I haven't let him in. I love him and I've hurt him."

Esme quietly waited until I had cried myself out. "Bella, you've realized that you need to let him in. That neither of you can get through this alone. That is the most important thing to remember. Tough things are going to happen throughout your lives together. I believe you and Edward are truly partners. It's your love and ability to work as a team that will see you through the difficult stuff."

I nodded and sat up. "Thank you Esme."

Esme hugged me. "Oh sweetie, anytime. I am sorry you both have had to go through this. But you will both come out stronger for it. I know Carlisle and I did."

We heard a door shut downstairs. Edward's voice rang out, "Hey there I'm home."

"Go and rinse your face off with cold water Bella. It will take the redness out of your face."

"I don't care if Edward knows I've been crying. He'll probably be relieved."

Esme chuckled. "You are probably right. I think besides me, you have the most insight into the workings of my son's brain, and his heart."

I smiled. "I might."

Edward strolled in, his eyes cautious when he looked at me. I gave him a smile though and he visibly relaxed. "Everything okay?"

Esme patted my leg. "Fine, or it will be right Bella?"

I nodded. "It will be."

Edward came over to stand by the couch and rubbed my shoulder. "Do you want to stay for dinner Mom?"

Esme stood up. "No I promised your father his favorite pot roast dinner tonight, so I am needed at home. But maybe another night."

"That would be great Esme." She squatted down so she was eye level with me.

"Bella, if you need anything, call me, please?"

"I will, thank you."

Esme gave me a big hug. "You are welcome sweetie." She stood up and hugged Edward, and I saw a look pass between them. Whatever was communicated made Edward give her a small smile. "I'll see myself out. Love you both."

"Love you too Mom."

I gave her a small wave and smile. Once she was gone Edward looked down at me. I patted the area next to me and he sat down. "Thank you Edward."

"For?" Edward was regarding me with poorly concealed curiosity. I knew he wanted to know what happened.

"For bringing your mom here to talk to me. She made me realize some things I hadn't really considered." I crawled over into Edward's lap and rested my head against his shoulder.

"Do you want to talk about those things?" He leaned back against the cushions and held me to him.

"I do, but not right now. Later tonight. I'm kind of emotionally wiped out at the moment."

"Okay love." Edward rubbed my back slowly. For the second time that day I fell asleep against him. When I woke about an hour later, Edward had shifted us so I was lying on my side next to him on the couch. He was watching an episode of Mythbusters. He hadn't noticed I was awake. I watched the rise and fall of his chest for several minutes before I wrapped an arm and leg over him. Closing my eyes I snuggled into him more. Edward's arm tightened around me and I felt him kiss the top of my head.

"Love you so much Bella," Edward whispered. I think he thought I was still sleeping. "I'll do anything to make things better for you. I'd take the pain for you if I could. You are the strongest person I know, and you don't give yourself enough credit." Edward's hand stroked along my side and hip as he kept murmuring low words of love and encouragement into my hair.

I fought a few tears at the sincerity and affection in his voice. Finally I whispered, "Thank you."

Edward shifted and my eyes met his. "You heard that?"

"Some of it."

Edward kissed the end of my nose. "Well I meant every word."

"I know." Edward muted the television and shifted onto his side so we were face to face. I wrapped my legs with his and offered him a smile.

"Your mom told me about her experience today."

Edward nodded. "I knew she would. Her visit wasn't some unplanned thing."

"I figured that out already. Thank you for having her come over. It helped a lot to talk to her. At least from the standpoint that I know she felt the same things I am now."

Edward rested his hand on my waist. "Will you tell me what those feelings are?"

I swallowed hard. Edward leaned forward and kissed my lips gently. "I won't judge you love, I'm just trying to understand what's going on in here." He pointed to my head and then my heart, "And in here."

I rolled my eyes. "Good luck with that. I don't get it that's for hell sure. Just don't tell me I shouldn't be feeling something. Logically I may know it, but emotionally I haven't been able to process that yet, okay?"

"Fair enough." Edward waited quietly for me to continue.

"The feelings I've had in the last ten days have been such a cataclysmic mix. Most of them are negative or dark. I blame myself for not knowing earlier that I was pregnant. I feel like I've lost a part of myself that I'm not sure I'll get back, let alone where to find it. I feel like I've let you down." Edward started to speak and I put a finger over his lips. "You promised."

Edward stopped and kissed my finger. "Keep going Bella."

I rested my eyes for a second before I kept talking. "There is a dark spot in the middle of my chest that aches. Some days it feels like it's the only thing I can feel, and it weighs me down. It makes it so I just don't care about much of anything. It's an effort to just make it through the day without losing it."

I felt Edward's lips on my forehead. "Love, have you ever thought that trying so hard to keep your emotions hidden inside is what helps create that dark place?"

I shrugged and played with a button on his shirt, "I don't know."

Edward wrapped his arms tighter around me and pulled me into his chest. "Until you let go of all the negative thoughts and feelings you have, they are just going to multiply and eat you alive." Edward's voice grew thick with emotion. I looked up at him and the tears in his eyes startled me.

I reached up and ran my thumb gently under one eye. "Don't cry Edward."

"Why not?" He held his hand over mine on his cheek.

"I don't like hurting you."

"Bella, you aren't hurting me. I'm sad. I'm sad about our loss and the pain you are feeling. Very good reasons to cry."

I nodded. Edward just kept looking at me and stroking the side of my face. "Why are you still holding it back Bella? I can see in your eyes the emotions you have denied. Let it out. Cry, get angry, yell if you need to."

Irritation filled me. Suddenly I was mad at Edward's insistence that I feel what I didn't want to. "Jesus Edward, do you like seeing me as an emotional wreck or something?" I sat up and moved away from him a little. "Why are you pushing this? Just so you can rescue me?" The moment the words were out of my mouth I regretted them.

Edward sat up and wiped under his eyes. He acted as if my rude comment went in one ear and out the other. "Because I think you need to be pushed. I think you need to let it out."

"Screw you." I stood up and paced the floor in front of him. What the hell was his major malfunction? Edward rose to come over to me but I held my hand out. "Back off Cullen. Stop pressuring me." I was starting to feel trapped.

Edward didn't move closer but he didn't back down. I'd seen that look of determination on his face before. "No, I won't. Feeling what emotion scares you the most Bella? The anger? The grief?"

"Stop." I pointed at him, my hand shaking as I tried to stop the overwhelming feelings I had been ignoring. The dam was close to breaking. What was behind it would drown me. The darkness would swallow me whole. I was positive of that.

Edward stepped closer and I backed up until I was against the wall. Edward stood a foot in front of me. "What one frightens you the most?"

I shook my head back and forth. "Don't, please."

Edward cupped my face with one hand again. When I tried to turn away he put his other hand on my other cheek so I couldn't avoid him. His voice was low and insistent, pulling at my heart. "What one?"

I felt like I was going to crumble to pieces. "Both." I whispered.

"Bella." Edward stood there and forced me to look at him. I shoved at his chest trying to get past him.

"Stop, just stop." I started hitting Edward's chest trying to get him to back up. He just stood there and let me hit him. His stillness made me angrier. "Damn it just….." My fists kept pummeling into him, with little effect. Finally, completely frustrated, I just let out this guttural yell and slumped down at his feet. Edward followed me and I tried in vain to push him away.

"I'm not going anywhere Bella."

"Why? Why why why?" I wasn't sure if I was questioning him or the fates. I starting hitting the wall instead and Edward quickly grabbed my wrists.

"No love, you will hurt yourself."

"I don't care. I don't care." I huddled over my knees, enfolding Edward's hands up with mine. The sobs rose in my chest like a burning wave. I felt Edward move behind me. He bent over me and pressed his chest into my back.

"I care." Edward gripped my hands tightly in his and held me to him. "I love you."

His words brought down the last wall I had been hiding behind and I started to cry. Raw pain rose in me, burning much like a real flame would. I sobbed so hard no noise came out. Edward just held onto me, grounding me to something real.

I sat up a little and Edward moved with me. I turned and wrapped my arms around him, leaning my head against his chest. Edward slid back to lean against the wall and held onto me. My tears soaked through his shirt as I clung onto him. I cried and felt it all. I felt the pain, the anger, the grief. I felt it course through me and fade a little as each moment passed. It didn't vanish completely, but it did lighten. "I don't deserve it."

"Don't deserve what?" Edward whispered in my ear.

"Your love," I choked out.

"Of course you do. You deserve every ounce of love I have in my heart and soul and I will give it to you. Don't ever question your worth. You are priceless to me."

I let his words soak in as I cried more tears than I knew I had in me. Finally they slowed. I was left weak and limp against Edward's chest. A position I had only been in before for pleasurable reasons. Edward's hands were rubbing my back. I had no clue how much time had actually passed. Edward stood slowly and carried me with him into our bathroom. Gently he set me on the counter. Silently he filled a glass of water and set it next to me. I picked it up with both hands and drank the contents down while he started the shower. He came back over and gave me a smile. "Come on love, let's get cleaned up."

I just nodded and let Edward take care of me. I held my hands up and allowed Edward to pull my shirt off. He helped me stand and get my pants off. Quickly his disrobed and then took my hand, helping me into the shower. Once we were under the spray he pulled me back to him and held me tightly. The warm water falling down my back felt nice.

Edward's hands moved softly over my body, spreading soap and then rinsing me. He washed my hair, his fingers massaging my head and neck. Once I was rinsed off I took the shampoo bottle from him. "Please?"

Edward nodded and smiled. "Thank you." He moved down to his knees so I could actually reach his head. I lathered up his head thoroughly. Once he was rinsed I rubbed his neck and shoulders for a few moments before his knees became sore. He stood and I leaned forward into him again. "I need to wash the rest of myself love." I moved back and Edward grabbed his soap.

I picked up a washcloth and held out my hand for the soap. Edward handed it over with a hint of his crooked smile. I washed him, my fingers remembering every line of his body that I knew so well. Once he was rinsed we dried off. Edward bundled me in a giant fluffy towel. We wandered into the bedroom and he sat on the edge of the bed eying me. I shuffled over and stood between his legs. He put his hands on my hips and asked, "Want some time in my arms?"

"Please." He knew me so well, which is why he had pressured me earlier. Somehow Edward sensed it was what had to happen in order for me to be able to start to heal.

Edward pulled the blankets back and we dropped our towels. I climbed in next to him and brought my body as close to his as I could get it. The skin to skin contact felt comforting and I realized I had missed it. I looked up at him and murmured, "A clean start."

Edward gazed back at me and gave me a gentle kiss. "What do you mean?"

"Well I know I couldn't have dealt with all I have been holding in this afternoon. But I feel like I faced and let go of some of it. After the shower it just feels like a clean start."

Edward nodded. "I understand. I'm sorry I pushed you so hard."

I put my hand over his heart. "Don't apologize. It was what I needed. I just didn't know it. I'm sorry for the rude things I said to you, I didn't mean them."

"I know you didn't. I will always be here to give you what you need Bella, even the things you don't realize."

I gave Edward a smile and a kiss. "So will I." For the first time in the last ten days, I felt a little better. Edward had ignited a light back in my world again. I thanked God for the millionth time for bringing Edward and his love to me. For the first time in a while I felt like I did deserve it.

* * *

**Okay......feeling a little better now? Hopefully you are. If you need a laugh, go check out my friend EtomyB's story, Bathrooms Are For Lovers. It's her first fic and I've been beta-ing for her. **http://wwwDOTfanfictionDOTnet/s/5766982/1/

**For those who have inquired worried my stories might disappear suddenly like some of our favorites have been doing. If for some reason I am asked to remove them, I will repost elsewhere. So don't worry.**

**And if you want to know more about why stories are vanishing, message me.**

**Hugs, Casey  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello to everyone, first off, my apologies for the delay in this. I wanted to get something up for you so basically this is the first half of what one of my normal chapters is like. So EPOV will be chapter 5. Thank you for all the lovely reviews for the last chapter. Things are getting brighter again now. OH, and I didn't not print this out to edit like I normally do, so forgive errors please.  
**

**Those that are my friends on FB etc, know that things have been really tough for me, especially the last month. Things are getting better now, but it really messed with my writing. Everyone has been so patient so I wanted to get part one out to you, because I do love all my readers so much.**

**I'm on spring break officially, so EPOV will be up soon, next couple days hopefully. And yes....shamwows are required for this chapter, and not for your eyes. :)**

_Twilight character names belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. The intellectual property including but not limited to, all characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds, and details belong to Iadorepugs. Plagerism is theft so please no copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization. Thank you**  
**_

* * *

_If this life _  
_ Isn't hard enough _  
_ It ain't no nevermind _  
_ You got me by your side _  
_ And anytime you want _  
_ Yeah, we can catch a train and find a better place _  
_ Yeah, cause we won't have nothin' or no one keep gettin' us down _  
_ Maybe you and I _  
_ Could pack our bags and hit the sky _

_ Then fly away from here _  
_ Anywhere _  
_ Yeah, I don't care _  
_ We'll just fly away from here _  
_ Our hopes and dreams are out there somewhere _  
_ Won't let time pass us by _  
_ We'll just fly_

_**Fly Away From Here ~ Aerosmith**  
_

**Chapter 4**

**BPOV**

I had been taking the anti-anxiety medication for about ten days now. Thankfully they were making a difference. I was sleeping through the night for the most part. There had been a nightmare but Edward woke me up before it became really bad. Edward had told me I was even talking in my sleep again about random stuff. The fact that he was also getting better sleep was helping him out too.

I had begun to accept that I was going to have strong emotions hit me occasionally and over the littlest things sometimes. I was also learning to let it happen if it needed to. Edward was learning not to panic if he found me crying while cleaning a stall.

It was good to be back down at the barn. My return to routine helped us both. I had gotten up on Mimosa the last couple days and walked her around. Edward was adamant that I return to riding carefully.

That level of protectiveness was something that was beginning to chafe me. I knew Edward meant well, but I physically felt fine. So this afternoon when he came in the arena and I was posting the trot on Mimosa, he was less than thrilled. In fact he was pissed.

Edward's voice carried down the length of the arena, tense with irritation. "Bella, what the hell?" I hadn't seen him come in and I brought Mimosa back to a walk.

"What Edward?" I already knew what was coming.

Edward stood with his arms folded, glaring a little at me. "You shouldn't be trotting yet."

"Says who? Dr. Wey gave me clearance."

Edward spoke through gritted teeth, "I don't care. My arena, my rules. I said nothing more than walking yet."

"That may be true. But last time I checked it was _my body_. I feel fine."

Edward threw his hands up in the air, "Whatever Bella. You just don't get it." He turned and left the arena before I could ask what he meant by that.

I walked around on Mimosa for several minutes trying to understand what had just happened. When I went to untack Mimosa, I realized Edward had gone back to the house. I fed everyone and headed inside. I wasn't sure at all what I was walking into or what I would find when I located Edward. I had seen him get mad before, but he'd never walked away. This reminded me of our arguments over Masen. My suspicion was that Edward had gone over the overprotective edge again.

Edward was up in the den and didn't turn as I passed. I quickly changed and walked in the den, my heart a bit in my throat. Edward was sitting on the couch as still as a statue, looking out the window. I went and stood next to him, growing even more uneasy when he kept his gaze averted.

"Edward?" I reached out and touched his shoulder gently. "Look at me."

He took a deep breath and then looked up at me. Clearly he had been crying. I felt my heart sink at the look on his face. I moved and sat down in front of him. "What don't I get Edward?" I waited patiently while Edward decided what he wanted to say.

He ran his hand through his hair nervously a couple times. "You don't get my point of view Bella."

"Your point of view on what? I need you to be more specific please Edward."

"On this whole thing Bella. Everything you went through in the last three weeks. How it affected me."

I realized then that most of the focus had been on me since this all started. Edward's need to process everything had been neglected in favor of my emotional health. Now his was suffering from things he had not had an opportunity to deal with yet. I reached over and took one of his hands between mine. "Tell me."

Edward shook his head. My tone grew a little angry. "Edward Cullen, I have been opening my heart to you, or at least trying to. By not talking to me, it's like you don't have the same trust in me. Remember how you felt when I shut you out?"

Our eyes met and I saw my words had carried weight with him. He closed his eyes for a moment before he spoke, "Bottom line Bella, I could've lost you." Edward opened his eyes, his voice shaking a little. "You could've died if the ectopic pregnancy hadn't been caught when it was. That is what scares me the most still. The thought of you physically disappearing from my life. It was bad enough that I lost you emotionally for a while," Edward's voice trailed off and he looked down.

I had a better understanding of how Edward felt when I was struggling. I reached out and pulled Edward to me, his forehead falling against my chest. We lay back on the couch and he rested his head on my shoulder. Edward hung onto me as if I might vanish any second, wrapping his arms and legs around me. I ran my fingers slowly through his hair, tightening my other arm around him. "I'm sorry Edward. I'm sorry that I was so tied up with me that I wasn't there for you."

Edward's voice was muffled against my skin. "Well I didn't say anything. That was my mistake. I was worried about you. It's not entirely your fault."

We lay there quietly for several moments. "I know it worries you Edward for me to start riding again. But you have to let me. It helps give me a minor purpose to go with my major one."

Edward pulled me tighter into him. "What's you major purpose?"

I scooted down a little so he could see me. "Loving you of course." That brought a smile to Edward's face. "I can't imagine how scary it was for you. If something like that happened to you, I would be……I don't know how I would be other than a wreck." I reached up and stroked the side of his face, feeling the little bit of stubble there. "But we need to try to return to some sort of normalcy Edward. That includes me riding."

Edward nuzzled under my neck. "I know. Thank you for understanding where I'm coming from."

"I will always try to, just like I know you will always try to see my point of view."

Edward's hands were absentmindedly stroking up and down my back. With each pass his fingers uncovered more skin as he moved my shirt up. He didn't realize what he was really doing until I let out a little shiver and a moan. Edward's fingers froze and he gently pulled my shirt back down.

"Why did you stop?" That was the most he had touched me in a more intimate way in the last three weeks.

Edward cleared his throat, "I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Did it sound like I was uncomfortable?"

Edward shook his head. "No."

"It felt nice having your fingers touching me again Edward. I've missed it." I rubbed my hand over his shoulder.

Edward caressed my face as he whispered, "Me too." I could see the wheels turning in his head. "Remember what you said about a clean start?"

"Yes."

"Want to get away this weekend, take a break? Spend time just you and me doing whatever we want. No responsibilities, no schedules. Reconnect." Edward started rubbing the back of my neck gently.

"I think that sounds wonderful. Were you thinking about using the gift certificate I got for my birthday for the Salish Lodge?"

"If you would like….what do you think?"

I leaned into Edward. "I think that is a great idea. Let's do it."

The next couple days Edward and I planned out our weekend. More frequently we found our hands on one another. Nothing overtly sexual. More like remembering what that kind of closeness was built from. Our foundation was still there, we just needed to find it and build from it again.

Friday morning I stood in our closet on the phone with Alice while I debated what to bring. "One dress or two Alice?"

"Are you eating out both nights?"

"One night at least. We don't have highly structured plans." I fingered the garment bags hanging there waiting for her answer.

"Bring two. That way you have a choice for night one, and then a second one if you go out again."

"Good call." The pixie always knew what to do. I flipped through a few more dresses and picked a couple Edward hadn't seen me in yet. As I was placing them in my bag I could hear Alice humming into her phone. I paused and recognized it was Lady Gaga.

"Lady Gaga on the brain Alice?"

Alice giggled. "Woke up with it in my head. You know I'm so glad you and Edward are doing this Bella. It will be good for both of you."

Staring at my lingerie drawer I responded, "Me too." A small sigh escaped me and Alice heard me of course.

"Bella? What's up?"

I chuckled nervously. "It's a little silly really. Well since my surgery we haven't, well…….." I stumbled over my words and Alice saved me.

"Oh, that. Well that's completely understandable Bella. Any emotional disconnect disrupts that part of your relationship too." Once again Alice amazed me with her little bits of wisdom that every now and then she bestowed upon me.

"I don't know what lingerie to bring. I mean I think we are returning to that this weekend. But what do you pick that says _yes we have been through a shit time, I need to feel sexy again, and I need you to touch me_?"

Alice laughed. "Sorry Bella, that was funny. Not the situation but the words." I giggled because she was right. "Okay then, night one pick something more feminine and innocent. Ease into things. Think about ones you wore early in your relationship. Night two break out the one I gave you for your birthday. That's a more subtle way to cross the line to _I'm sexy and I need you to remind me_."

"Alice you are brilliant, but you knew that. Thank you." I breathed a sigh of relief now that I had a plan.

"You are welcome. I hope you two have a wonderful time. And I want to hear about it when you get back. But not about ALL of it." Alice had finally learned that if she got too nosy I would make her ears bleed with too much information.

"Thanks Alice. Movie night for all four of us in a couple weeks?"

"Sounds great."

We hung up and I dug through my lingerie, making my selections. I heard Edward coming up the stairs so I quickly closed my bag. He called out, "Bella?"

"Right here." I walked out of the closet and set my bag down.

"All packed?" Edward grinned at me.

I had to grin back. "Just need some bathroom items and I'll be ready."

"Okay." Edward grabbed his bag. "I'll see you downstairs. Don't forget your iPod."

I rolled my eyes. We were going to play the iPod game again at some point. "I won't."

"Good." Edward gave me a quick kiss before leaving the room. I felt the familiar tingle go through my body. That little sensation had reappeared in the last week, and it made me smile.

There were a few nervous butterflies in my stomach when I joined Edward in the car. Edward smiled over at me reassuringly and took my hand. "Let's go have some fun love." I nodded. During the drive Edward hardly ever took his hand off mine. His thumb worked slow circles over the back of my hand. We were quiet, but it wasn't uncomfortable. I relaxed back into the seat and enjoyed the connection we shared between our hands.

When we pulled into the lodge I audibly gasped. It was gorgeous. The pictures on the internet didn't do it justice. I had surrendered the gift certificate to Edward at his request before he made the reservations. I had a sneaking suspicion he wouldn't have chosen the cheapest room when he made them.

Quickly we were checked in. The bellhop insisted on carrying our bags up. Edward's arm tightened protectively around me as he gestured for the guy to lead the way. As we followed Edward whispered into my ear, "No way I'm giving him a chance to look at your ass."

I giggled and grinned up at him. Edward just grinned back. Once we were in our room, the bellhop gone and forgotten, I took a look around. We were in a corner room with our windows overlooking the river. There was a little sitting area with a fireplace and a love seat. Edward took my hand and we wandered into the bedroom. There was another fireplace at the foot of the bed with a television in the corner. The windows looked out over the river and surrounding woods. I stood there gazing out at the view. Edward moved in behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Like it?"

I turned and snaked my arms around his waist. I snuggled my head into his chest and Edward automatically tightened his arms around me. "I love it," I hugged him tighter. "Thank you."

Edward kissed the top of my head, "You're welcome." I tipped my head a bit to the side and he took the hint. He brought his lips down and kissed me under my ear. "Love you."

I pressed tighter into him, "I love you too." We stood there holding each other for several minutes before we returned to our tour. The bed was huge and covered in a very thick down comforter. The bathroom had a tub that looked like it would fit four people and a large shower. The color scheme was all very natural, greens, deep reds, blues and darker wood. The only exception was the bathroom which was in tones of cream and pale wood. Everything about the room was soothing and inviting.

"Wow. I wish we could stay here a week."

Edward laughed behind me. "I do too love. But for now this will have to do. Would you like to go walk down by the river for a little bit?"

"Sure." We put our jackets back on before we wandered down and outside. It was somewhat off season for the lodge so they weren't overflowing with guests. Several well maintained paths meandered off in various directions through the trees. Each one followed different areas of the river.

Grinning Edward asked, "Left or right?" He gestured to our choices.

I looked both ways and shrugged. "I don't know. Do you have a preference?"

Edward shook his head and pulled a quarter from his pocket. "Flip for it?"

"Why not? Heads is right, tails is left?"

Edward snickered. "Heads is always right." I smacked his arm as I giggled.

"Dirty boy."

Edward waggled his eyebrows at me. "You can't say you didn't think something similar?" My blush was all the answer he needed. He tossed the coin and caught it against the back of his hand. He held it out so we could both see the result.

"Left it is. No heads for you, at least, not now." I winked and Edward's eyes grew wide for a second before he lightly spanked my butt. It had been a while since we had flirted like this. It was fun to return to a lighter hearted atmosphere between the two of us. Edward wrapped one arm around my shoulder and we strolled down the path. Soon we were in the cover of evergreens, the diffuse light from the gray sky filtering in. It was quiet back here. You could hear the river a little in the distance. The occasional bird or squirrel made an appearance in the trees around us.

The further we walked the louder the river became. Suddenly we broke through into a flat rock outcropping overlooking the river. There were a couple benches made from natural logs that blended in with their natural surroundings. Edward sat down and pulled me down in between his legs. I smiled to myself as I leant back against his chest. Automatically his fingers traced under the edge of my shirt, just barely caressing the skin there. Edward let out a sound of contentment before he said, "Your skin here has to be some of the softest on your body."

Laying my arms over the top of his I snuggled back into him a little further. Edward slid my hair off one side of my neck before he kissed the skin there. I reached down and pulled on the denim over his knees, encouraging him to wrap his legs around me. Edward chuckled but complied.

I tilted my head back to look at him. "So sue me if I want you as wrapped around me as I can get you."

Edward grinned. "I would never argue with that desire." He chuckled again when I pressed back into him even harder. "What do you say to a session of twenty questions?"

I raised an eyebrow. "We haven't done that for a while, sure. You go first though."

Edward looked thoughtful for a moment. "Do you have any phobias?"

I shuddered automatically. "Yes, spiders."

"You are scared of spiders?" Edward sounded a bit disbelieving.

"Yes, always have been. Little ones aren't so bad, it's the big ones. Remember the one that I found in the shower?"

Edward laughed, "I thought you screamed because you were startled. But you did make me come in and get rid of it for you. I just figured you didn't care for them, not that you were terrified of them."

"Petrifying fear. So you have to promise to get them for me, the big ones. I know they do good things, but I don't care. They freak me the fuck out."

Edward hugged me and kissed the end of my nose. "Not a problem. Your turn."

"What actress or model did you lust after when you were a teenager?" I laughed at the slight blush that crossed Edward's face.

"Heidi Klum. I may have had a few posters of her in my room for a time. They were…….inspirational." A little smirk crossed his face.

"Inspirational huh? More like masturbatorial." I raised an eyebrow at him.

Edward's jaw dropped, "I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to." I grinned at him, "You were a teenage boy. No wonder you don't mind if I watch Project Runway."

Edward just shook his head. Then his eyes lit up and I knew whatever question he had thought of was probably going to make me blush. "Would you ever do that for me, let me watch?"

I knew what he was asking, and it did make me blush. "Um, I've never really done that."

"What? Never?" Edward turned me a little so I had to look at him.

"Well you know my past, that pretty much stopped me from wanting to do anything like that. I shut that side of me away. The side that accepted that I even got aroused. Remember you gave me my first orgasm, ever."

Edward hugged me into his chest. "I knew that. I just figured you had experimented with touching yourself at some point."

"Nope. But I would do that for you sometime, if you want?" I looked up at him through my eyelashes.

Edward's eyes darkened a moment hearing my words. "Only if you want, and are comfortable with it love."

"Edward, you have seen me do just about anything, and have seen every part of my body. I'm comfortable with you. You have to know that by now." I shifted and moved to straddle his legs. "I love you remember? I want to share things with you. Especially anything that is my first experience with something. Sexual or not. I hope you feel the same."

Edward leaned forward and kissed me softly. "Of course I do." I lay my head on his shoulder and kissed his neck. "Your turn again love. You still warm enough?" He slid his hands under my shirt and wrapped his fingers around my lower back. I pressed slightly into his touch on my skin and he rubbed my back in response.

"Yes I'm plenty warm." I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair. "Have you ever colored your hair?"

Edward groaned, "You do remember who my sister is right? Unfortunately she talked me into it once. Never again. Once my original color was coming back in I got a buzz cut. It was better than the color that was there."

I ruffled his hair. "I cannot picture you with a buzz cut at all. What color did Alice convince you to change to?"

Edward stalled, "That's a second question."

I rolled my eyes, "Humor me. I'll give you two in return."

"Fine. Black." Edward looked at me almost daring me to laugh.

"Black?"

"She thought since she looked good with black hair I would too. I looked like a goth or vampire impersonator. It was bad."

I snorted I laughed so hard. "I just can't picture it. Well I much prefer this color."

"Two questions?" I nodded at him. "Okay then what are some of your favorite things to smell?"

"That's a good one. Well number one has to be you." I patted his chest lightly and smiled at him. "Besides that, hay, horses, something baking, coffee….." I paused a moment thinking, "After it rains, oh and the smell to the air when it's going to snow, roses."

Edward cut me off. "You can smell when it's going to snow?"

"I guess. I just have always noticed there is a change to how the air smells before it snows, and when it is snowing too." Edward looked at me for moment like I was nuts. "Next time I smell it I'll tell you, not that it snows that often around here."

"Sounds fair my little snow sensor. My second question is a very important one." Edward's expression grew serious so I wondered what it could be. "Who is your favorite muppet?" The expression on Edward's face was so serious it took me a minute to really hear what he asked. His eyes lit up mischievously as I growled at him.

"Jesus Cullen. You had me worried there for a moment. From the Muppet Show?" Edward nodded. "Easy. The old men in the balcony."

"Somehow I didn't figure you to be a Miss Piggy girl."

"She drove me nuts, but I guess that was the point. I liked Animal too." I stretched a little and Edward tickled my sides lightly. I giggled and squirmed back off of him, trying to escape his hands.

"Come back here love." Edward crooked a finger at me. I shook my head at him from the other end of the bench where I had slid to. Edward raised an eyebrow at me. He stood up and I rose up quickly and darted behind the bench. He grinned at me as we circled it, always staying directly across from one another. "Why won't you come to me Bella?"

I pointed a finger at him, "You'll just tickle me."

"You aren't just playing hard to get?"

"I would never do that." I bit my lower lip before I blew him a little kiss. Edward growled and I sprinted for the path and the nearest tree. I knew I had no hope of outrunning him. Within three strides he caught me around my waist. Edward turned me around and picked me up and put me over his shoulder before I even realized what was happening. I let out a startled squeak. "Edward put me down."

"Nope." He tightened his grip around my thighs.

"Why not?" I looked down and enjoyed the view of his ass in jeans. As long as I was at this particular vantage point, I would make the most of it.

"Don't want to. You're mine."

I reached one hand down and put my fingertips under his waistband and touched the skin there. "I'll be yours even if I'm upright, I promise."

Edward stopped and suddenly I was standing in front of him again. I swayed a little in his arms and he held me steady. "Whoa, you gave me a head rush."

"Well you do that to me all the time Bella." Edward stared down at me with his crooked smile. I was going to make a smart ass remark when he brought his face closer to mine until our noses were practically touching. He wrapped on hand around the back of my neck and up into my hair. I found myself on my tiptoes trying to close the last inch or so between us. Our lips brushed together a few times while our eyes stayed locked.

Finally I couldn't take it anymore. "Kiss me please Edward."

Our lips connected my eyes fell closed as familiar sensations shot through me. I had missed this, and the intensity behind Edward's kiss told me he had too. A little moan escaped me when his tongue ran across my lower lip. Reluctantly we pulled apart to catch our breath.

"We need to head back love. So you have plenty of time to get ready if you'd like."

"Okay." I reached up and ran my thumb over his lower lip and he kissed it. "If you insist."

"I insist, because I want to see you in a dress tonight." Edward took my hand and we slowly walked back to the lodge. "There wil be time for a nap if you want one too."

"Only if it involves you and a couch, then yes."

Edward laughed lightly. "That can be arranged." That was exactly what we did too when we got back to the room. Edward found some movie he liked, I didn't care because the moment I lay across him I felt my eyes get heavy. His hands traced slow patterns on my back and I was asleep before I could even figure out who the main actor was in the movie, and who the hell he was shooting at.

All too soon Edward was nudging my shoulder to wake me. "Love, time to wake up."

I wrapped my arms up around his shoulders tighter. "But I'm comfy."

"Well I am too, but we have a dinner reservation at seven, so if you want time to get ready in a leisurely fashion, you should get up."

I sat up a little and looked at him. "Alright. Stupid men and their stupid fifteen minutes requirements to get ready to go out."

Edward looked insulted. "Hey, I take at least twenty minutes."

"You still don't have to do all I do. You don't have to shave and pluck as many body areas as I do. No hairstyling or make up." I got up and Edward took my hand.

"Even if you didn't do any of that, you would still be gorgeous to me."

I smiled. "Flattery will get you everywhere Edward."

For all my whining, it was nice to have time to get ready and not rush to do it. I enjoyed a long shower. I let Edward have the bathroom long enough to do what he needed, and then I took it back over. Once I was all dressed, my hair curled and up like it was on our first real date, I took a last look in the mirror. I couldn't help but smile because I was excited to see Edward's reaction. I had on a taffeta blue dress that had a subtle black swirling pattern on it. The fabric crossed under my breasts emphasizing my curves in a subtle way. The skirt ended above my knees. I completed the outfit with black heels.

Edward was pacing around the sitting area waiting for me. As I fully expected he looked as handsome as ever in his black slacks, shirt and copper and black tie. Once Edward heard my heels hit the hardwood floor he turned. His brilliant crooked smile broke out and I felt my knees wobble just a little seeing it. I managed to keep myself steady as I walked over to him. Once I was within arm's reach Edward grabbed my waist and looked me over. "You look stunning."

I blushed a little, but inside I was giddy seeing his reaction. "Thank you. You look extremely handsome." Edward offered me his arm and I took it. "Do we need our coats?"

"No, we are eating in the lodge tonight." I felt his fingers stroked up my back and come to rest on the bare skin between my shoulders. We made our way downstairs and were seated at a quiet little table in the corner. Edward pulled my chair out for me and I murmured my thanks. Once he was seated across from me we found ourselves just staring at one another. Edward smirked at me and I grinned back.

I had a glass of wine because I still had a few butterflies in my stomach. It was almost like tonight was my first time with Edward all over again. Apparently my transparent expression gave me away to Edward, as always. He reached across the table and took my hand. "What are you thinking?"

The waiter returned with our drinks and I took a sip of my wine before I answered. "How this kind of feels like the first time all over again, even though it isn't."

Edward nodded and looked thoughtful for a moment. "In a good way or a bad way?" His eyebrows knit together like they did when he started to worry.

"Oh good," I was quick to reassure him. "I have butterflies." I blushed and laughed a little. Edward chuckled and squeezed my hand.

Nodding towards my wine he asked, "Are you trying to make them quiet with that?"

"Maybe."

Edward just shook his head and smiled. "I feel the same sense of nervous excitement Bella. It's not just you."

Dinner of course was fabulous. We finished up and slowly made our way upstairs. I felt the butterflies try to reappear, but I shoved them back down. This was Edward, my fiancé, and the love of my life. Once we were in the room Edward pulled me into his arms. He leaned down and whispered in my ear, "And now, I'm holding on with both hands 'cause forever I believe that there's nothing I could need but you."

I knew exactly where those words came from. The song we danced to the night we first told each other we loved one another. I blinked back a couple tears before I smiled up at him. "I have to change. Give me a few minutes?"

"What? I don't get to take the dress off?" Edward gave me a little pout.

I flicked his lower flip with my finger. "Tomorrow night you do."

"Oh alright. I'll wait here, very patiently."

I reached up and ran my hands over his shoulders. "Well once I'm in the bathroom, you can wait in the bedroom, if you want?"

Edward rolled his eyes. "What do you think?" I turned to go and Edward grasped my elbow. "Do me a favor, leave your hair up."

I just nodded at him. I found my lingerie for the night and changed out of my dress into it. The pale pink satin flowed over my body. Given the way Edward's fingers kept seeking out the bare skin of my back all night, I knew he'd appreciate the deep back on this. Otherwise it was very simple, but I felt good in it. I washed my makeup off but left my hair pinned up like Edward had asked me to.

Slowly I opened the bathroom door and found Edward sitting on the edge of the bed looking a little tense. The moment he saw me all the stress left his expression. His eyes raked up my body and he motioned for me silently to turn around. I gave him a little smile and showed him the back. Edward's sharp intake of breath reached my ears and I smiled wider. I faced him again and he stood and walked over to me. My heart rate picked up just as he drew closer to me.

Edward tentatively touched one strap. "I'm definitely okay with not being allowed to take your dress off."

"I figured you might be." I reached up and loosened his tie while his finger continued to trace over the skin over my collarbones and neck. Once I had removed his tie I slowly started unbuttoning his shirt. Edward's fingers were straying out further and he slid one behind me and explored the bare skin of my back. He leaned in, lightly sucking my earlobe and I felt my ability to think go out the window.

"So beautiful." Edward started placing slow, gentle kisses along my neck and collarbones. My hands shook as I opened his shirt, untucked it and pushed it off his shoulders. Once my palms came to rest on his chest they stopped trembling. The feeling underneath them was so familiar. Being able to touch Edward again brought a sense of calmness over me.

Edward wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me back to the bed. He sat me down and stood in front of me. One by one he pulled the bobby pins from my hair, allowing it to fall around my shoulders. I closed my eyes and listened to how rough both of our breathing already sounded. Once my hair was freed Edward cupped my face between his hands. I opened my eyes to look up at him. His green eyes had darkened in the way that told me exactly how much he wanted me. I didn't have to see or feel his physical reaction to know he still desired me after everything. I realized there was a very small part of me that had worried about that.

I reached out and started removing his pants. Edward let go of my face and helped me. Once he stepped out of his pants he followed me up further onto the bed. We lay down on our sides and faced one another. Simultaneously we reached out to touch one another again. Edward gently cupped my breast and I automatically pressed into his hand. "Touch me Edward, I need your touch."

"I know love, and I need yours." Edward's lips captured mine as he continued to caress my breasts through the satin. I threaded one of my legs between his and brought our bodies closer together. Slowly our tongues met and played against one another's. Edwards's hand slid down my body, rubbed back over my butt and then returned to my breasts again. His fingers tugged gently at the fabric and exposed my nipples. I moaned the moment Edward's lips sought them out, my fingers gripping at the back of his head. Edward took his time licking and sucking over every inch of my flesh that was available to him.

The heat that was building between my thighs caused me to rub up against his thigh and press into his erection at the same time. Edward groaned and grasped my backside, pulling me tighter into him. "I need to see you, all of you," he panted.

I sat up enough for Edward to pull my babydoll off over my head. He tossed it over my shoulder and pulled me back down into him. He brought his thigh back up between my legs and rubbed it up against me. I knew he could feel how wet I already was and his eyes bored into mine, sending a shiver down my spine. My hands gripped Edward's hips as I tried to bring us closer. Edward rolled me onto my back and knelt over me. He smiled down at me when I groaned from losing the pressure of his leg between mine.

Starting at my forehead he placed light kisses down one side of my face. He paused at my mouth, his warm breath hitting me. "I love you," he whispered, "so much."

I gazed up into his eyes. "I love you more than words can say." His lips continued down my body, kissing random places. I watched as he ran a finger over my tiny scars on my abdomen. Edward looked up at me and kissed them, loving each one as gently as he had my bruises once. That seemed like a lifetime ago. I reached down and ran my hand through his hair and stroked down his face. "I want you back up here."

"Absolutely love." However Edward did it his way, kissing his way back up my body. He hovered over one of my breasts and met my eyes. Slowly he snaked his tongue out and flicked my nipple.

I grabbed his upper arms and pulled myself up into him. "Edward….."

"What do you want love? I'll do whatever you want my Bella. Because I love you, I love you and I'm never, ever letting you go." Edward brushed his lips over mine. "Ever."

"Make love to me, I need that connection. Press your weight into me. Because I love you and I need to feel you holding onto me." My words came out in a gasp as I tried to press into Edward.

Edward quickly got rid of his boxers and was back between my legs. He pressed down into me just like I asked, the lines of his body molding to mine. I moaned and arched up into him and wrapped my arms around his back. "Look at me Bella."

Our eyes met for the hundredth time that night, our gazes held as slowly Edward slid inside me. Finally the sensations were too much and my head fell back as I moaned, "Oh God, love that feeling."

Edward groaned, "Me too." He was breathing hard above me and I looked up to see he had his eyes closed as tight as mine had been just a moment before.

"Are you okay Edward?" His eyes popped open and he smiled down at me.

"More than okay love." Edward leaned in and kissed me lightly. "I'm trying not to come in the first ten seconds."

"Oh really." I gave him a little smirk and rocked my hips up into his.

"Bella….." Instinctively Edward pushed down into me with a little growl and I sighed at the feeling of our bodies as one. Once we started moving together there was no stopping it. Edward slipped his arms under my shoulders, running his tongue up the valley between my breasts.

My legs were wrapped tightly around the back of his thighs, not allowing Edward to pull far away from me. We were writhing against one another, our bodies greedy for one another. Edward ground down into me, pressing my clit with his movement and my fingernails dug into his back. "Oh Edward……more."

Edward's voice was low in my ear. His words of love mixed with his groans and raspy breaths as he moved harder against me. I couldn't stop my moans. The feelings Edward was sending throughout my body focused inward, a burning tightening that just made me want more.

"Bella, love, come for me, please." Edward's lips slid up my jaw and over my lips. I gazed up at him, and the depth of adoration I saw in his eyes was my undoing. I came crying out his name as unimaginable waves of pleasure radiated through me. I clung to Edward as I tried in vain to take him deeper.

"God, Bella……." Edward's back tightened under my fingers as they moved to grip his hips. He leaned his forehead against mine as his release hit him. He drove hard a few final times into me before the full weight of his body relaxed down against mine. I reveled in the feeling and surrounded him with my arms as best as I could. Edward lay his head down on the pillow next to mine, trying much like I was to slow his breathing. "I love you Bella."

I pressed into him and let out a sigh of contentment. I felt him smile against the side of my neck and heard his low chuckle in my ear. I knew Edward waited for that sigh. I turned my head to look over at him. I slid my hand between us to put it over his heart. "As I love you."

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**Alright....everyone happier now? I know I am.....and EPOV is not far behind I promise. I NEED REVIEWS.....plain and simple, they make me happy, and I need happy.  
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**Saw Remember Me last night......AMAZING, the entire cast is phenomenal. Bring lots of kleenex, just a heads up.**

**Oh, I have started a blog on blogspot called The Plot Bunnies Made Me Do It. I'm using it as a secondary place to post my stories and whatever other twisted things are on my mind. I've also started posting at the writers coffee shop site. I have links on my author page here and of course if you know me on FB**

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	5. Chapter 5

**Hello everyone...once again not as soon as I wanted, but here it is!! Life is still rough, but I thank each and every one of you who take the time to drop me a note or review. I really appreciate it, more than I can say. Get your shamwows out....you will want them.  
**

_Twilight character names belong to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. The intellectual property including but not limited to, all characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details belong to Iadorepugs. Plagerism is theft so no copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization. Thank you._

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**Chapter 5**

_I can hear you thinking what I feel  
I know that what we've got is real  
And all we need to get us through  
Is just to live like lovers do_

_Like Lovers Do ~ Heather Nova_

**EPOV**

Bella was draped across my chest sound asleep. I was laying there just listening to her breathe, feeling her back rise slowly up and down under my arms. I was tired, but at the same time I wasn't sleepy yet. I was just feeling so many emotions at once that I was just trying to sort them out.

The whole day had been all I had hoped for. Relaxed, fun, and time for us to be just that, us. I didn't have any set plans for tomorrow, and I hadn't quite decided what I wanted to do for dinner. I had a couple options I was considering. There was time in the morning to figure out what I really wanted to do.

I reached down and picked up one of Bella's curls and looked at it. I had really enjoyed the opportunity to be the one to take her hair down tonight. I actually had a fantasy about a similar scenario that Bella didn't know yet. I would have to share that with her at some time.

Bella cuddled up under my chin more and I pulled the comforter up with her to keep her back covered. She muttered something into my neck.

"What love?" I was pretty sure she was asleep, but even then she might answer.

"Home….."

Home? What the heck was she talking about? "What about home?"

Bella made a happy sound. "You're home…….inside me……home."

Oh, now I got it. Or at least I think I did, and she was right. "Yes love, we are both home again." I kissed the top of her head. When we had reconnected, both physically and emotionally in that one moment, it was like coming home. Bottom line, wherever Bella was, that was home for me.

At some point my brain finally shut down and I drifted off. When I woke in the morning Bella was curled up back into my and I was wrapped up around her. Our legs were tangled together like some sort of interesting Boy Scout knot gone wrong. Bella had a death grip on the arm I had around her waist, as if to prevent me from going away, which made me smile. I don't think I could've moved easily without waking her, or possible without some WD-40.

Bella squirmed back into me with a groan and turned to look at me. "Morning….I can't move."

I chuckled. "Morning love, neither can I. It's like we were playing Twister in our sleep." I gestured to our legs and Bella sat up enough to peer down at them.

"Jesus Edward….what the hell? No wonder my left foot is asleep."

Slowly we separated our lower legs. I sat up and rubbed Bella's left foot, bringing back the circulation to it. She lay there giggling at the ridiculousness of the whole thing. I couldn't help but grin watching her lay there, hair tousled, wide smile and eyes sparkling. It was so nice to see her that alive again.

We took out time actually getting out of bed once we were no longer knotted together. Bella snuggled up to me and we debated what we wanted to do with the day. We finally settled on a lazier day in. Bella had challenged me to a game of Monopoly, which promised to be very interesting. I knew well by now how competitive Bella was with things like games. She was almost dangerous.

After a nice room service brunch Bella pulled out the game and set it up on the floor near the fire place. I tossed her a few pillows so we had something to lean on if we wanted to. Bella brought the rest of the fresh fruit down with her and lay out on her stomach while she set up the game.

I sat and watched as she dealt out the money, a look of concentration on her face as she counted. As she was handing things out she asked, "Let me guess, you want to be the car?"

"Nope. I want to be the hat."

Bella looked up a little surprised until I explained, "It looks like the hat we wear in upper level dressage."

"Ah. Good point. Well good then we don't have to argue over the car. Because I am always the car. Always."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Always?"

Bella placed the car token on the GO square decisively. "You can ask Emmett what happens if I don't get to be the car. It isn't pretty. He only tried once." She gave me a slightly evil smile and then started laughing.

"I don't think I want to know actually," I replied, which made Bella laugh even harder.

The game started off casually enough. Bella was hot to purchase from the start. I seemed to keep ending up in jail. At least I had three railroads. When Bella got her first monopoly on the orange properties, I saw her true nature come out. She added house after house with twisted glee. Once she had hotels on there she started on the other monopoly she had obtained on the yellow properties while our turns were passing.

"Mrs. Trump, you are ruthless."

Bella glared up at me. "What did you call me?"

"Mrs. Trump. You are taking things over like Trump would. Except you have better hair."

Bella narrowed her eyes at me. "Don't get grumpy because you are either perpetually incarcerated or landing on one of my properties. Once you land on one of these ones with hotels….your ass is mine mister."

"My ass is already yours, game or no. I could still beat you." I knew that was about as likely as Bella trading me Boardwalk for something since I had Park Place.

Bella snorted. "Keep dreaming there Cullen. And I should hope I have better hair than Trump."

A few turns later I landed on one of Bella's prized properties. She practically did a dance as I had to mortgage most of what I owned to pay the rent. I just shook my head as I handed the money over to her. "You are having way too much fun with this Swan."

"I'm having exactly how much fun as I should be." Bella stuck her tongue out at me and then ate a bite of cantaloupe.

"Give me one of those you tycoon diva." Bella grinned and leaned over the board to give me a piece. I grabbed her wrist and took the bite, slowly sucking the juice of her fingers. Bella's eyes darkened and her breathing hitched.

She pulled her fingers back. "No fair trying to distract me with your well practiced ways of seducing me Cullen. I'm still going to beat you."

I just laughed at her as she fought to hide the arousal on her face. "All is fair in love and war."

Bella paused in counting her money and looked at me curiously, "War?"

"Playing Monopoly with you is like war Swan."

"Hmm." She got a mischievous look on her face. "So does that mean that you will bring out your battering ram to breach my gates?"

I probably would've gotten instantly hard if what Bella had said hadn't been so goddamn funny. I fell back on the floor laughing my ass off. She snickered quietly to herself. Peering at me over her handful of money she whispered, "Impale me on your mighty sword?"

"Stop, you are killing me." I sat up and smiled at Bella. "Mighty sword?"

"Oh, very mighty. Now hurry up and roll the dice so we can find out if you are going to jail or going bankrupt."

I rolled my eyes. "Ruthless."

Turned out I did both. I went to jail and then went bankrupt. I held my hands up and waved one of the white cloth napkins. "I surrender….you win."

Bella grinned. "So your ass is mine, to do with as I wish."

"Now wait a minute. That was not what you said originally." I threw the napkin at Bella.

Bella shrugged and crawled over to me. "But it's true though, right?"

"That's beside the point."

Bella moved so she was straddling my legs and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Really?"

"Yes. I mean of course it's true but that wasn't what you said. You just said my ass would be yours."

Bella tilted her head and countered, "Well you said it already was, so I had to up the stakes a little."

We stared at each other for a few moments. "Fine then love, what do you want to do with my ass now that you own it?"

Bella giggled and hopped up. "Oh I have big plans for you and your ass." She started picking the game up and I helped her. I had decided at that point what we were doing tonight.

"So tonight…." I handed Bella the game board. "I want you to meet me downstairs in the bar at six sharp. In a dress."

"Is that all you are going to tell me?" Bella's tone suggested she already knew the answer.

"Of course. You may own my ass, but I can still torment yours."

Bella grumped a little at me as she put the game back, muttering about surprises and other words of annoyance. The fact that I was watching her with a huge smile on my face wasn't helping either. Finally she ran at me and tackled me back onto the couch. I fell back and caught her to my chest. "What was that for?"

Bella kissed me and replied, "For taking advantage of the fact I don't like surprises."

"But you are getting so much better about it." Bella shifted and wrapped herself around me, placing her head on my shoulder.

"I know." Bella sighed. "Still don't like them."

"You will like this one, trust me." I ran my hands down her back and started massaging her right above her waistband. Bella let out a little sound of appreciation and moved more on top of me.

"Feel good?" I already knew the answer.

"God, you have no idea."

I stopped and before Bella could get pissed said, "Well let's do this right then." I sat her up and led her to the bedroom. "Take your clothes off and get up on the bed." Bella eyed me suggestively and I shook a finger at her. "No, not time for that yet love."

Bella stripped down to her undies and got up on the bed. I motioned for her to lie on her stomach. I went in the bathroom and grabbed her body lotion from the counter. I returned and knelt over her. "I'm taking your bra off love, it's in the way." I unfastened it and Bella sat up a little and tossed it to the side.

I warmed some of her lotion between my hands and started up at her neck. Bella groaned as I rubbed my thumbs deep into the muscles at the base of her neck. I took my time working my way down her back, moving on as each section relaxed. I loved hearing the little sounds of contentment she made occasionally. Bella's breathing was so deep by the time I reached her low back I thought she might have fallen asleep. I moved down to her feet and worked my way back up her body. I was careful to keep my touch purposeful, which was a battle. Every part of me wanted to start using a more teasing touch, but there was time for that later. Right now I was enjoying the feel of Bella's skin under my fingers, and seeing her relax.

After I was done with her legs I straddled her waist again and massaged her arms. Now I was positive she was out. Her face was relaxed the way it only was when she was sleeping. I grabbed a blanket and pulled it up over her before I lay down next to her. Propped up on my elbow I watched her for several minutes. My fingers were drawn to her face and I lightly stroked her cheek. "God I love you so much."

Bella's eyes opened slowly and she smiled when she saw me there. "Love you too," she whispered.

"Didn't mean to wake you, sorry."

Bella scooted over closer to me. "Wasn't that asleep, more like slightly comatose. Thank you that felt really good."

"Happy to do it. I like doing things like that for you." Bella leaned her head against my chest which made me smile as usual. We lay there quietly for several minutes.

"You still won't tell me anymore about tonight?" Bella looked up at me hopefully.

"No. I want it to be a surprise. But it will be worth it I promise."

Bella sighed and nodded. "It always is if you're responsible for it." Sliding up she kissed me lightly. Then she kissed up my jaw before she licked my ear lobe.

"Bella? What are you doing?"

Bella sucked my earlobe before she answered, "Nothing."

"It doesn't feel like that." Her lips were still kissing along my neck.

"You're hallucinating, it's nothing."

I laughed and rolled so that I was facing her. Bella frowned at me until I leaned over her and made her shift to her back. I stared down at her. "What do you want?" I gave her the look that I knew got her, the one she accused me of using for evil.

Bella licked her lips and stared back up at me. I tried to ignore the thin blanket that separated me from her naked skin. Even though I was still clothed, I could feel the heat coming off her body. "I want you Edward."

I kissed the hollow of her neck. "How do you want me?" My thigh pressed between hers and Bella shifted up into me slightly.

"Oh God," Bella whispered.

"Tell me……how….do….you…..want…..me?"

Bella gasped as I nipped her neck. "I…."

"You what?" I moved back up so I could see her eyes. They were burning. Which made me feel a little bad for what I was about to do.

"I want you now, hard."

"Oh I will give you hard, but first you have to get ready for our drink." I hopped off the bed and offered her my hand. "Hard comes later."

Bella sat up and the blanket fell down. I was momentarily distracted by the sight of her breasts but the irritated tone of her voice jerked me back to reality. "Edward Anthony Cullen, what the hell?"

I moved and knelt down in front of her. "Love, please, I promise. I'm not trying to drive you mad, I just have…..plans."

"You have plans. Well these plans better include screwing my brains out at some point tonight or I will seriously kick your ass, which I own." Bella fought a smile as she pretended to chew me out.

"My love, if you feel you still have brains when we are done tonight, I will feed everyday next week."

Bella grinned then. "Throw in water buckets too and I will consider it."

"Water buckets too. Deal?" I offered to shake her hand. Bella took my hand and stood us both up.

"Deal." Bella reached out and grasped my erection through my jeans, rubbing it slightly. "I'm going to go take a shower. I'll see you downstairs?"

"Yes." I whispered. Damn she was dangerous, and I had made it worse. I was an idiot.

Once Bella had disappeared into the bathroom I fell back across the bed. I took several deep breaths and tried to slow my own heart. Whatever happened tonight was going to be explosive. Things were building up at a much more rapid rate than I was expecting, but at the same time I wasn't surprised. I wondered briefly if we'd make it through dinner. I knew we'd most likely be coming back to dessert later than right after dinner. I started visualizing various scenarios and quickly stopped myself. Not helping the whole erection situation Edward.

I changed into a dress shirt and pants. I debated on a tie, but finally decided since Bella was dressing up for me again, I could wear a tie another night for her. I spoke through the door and let Bella know I was headed downstairs so she knew she was free to use the room as she wanted.

Once I was downstairs I coordinated final details for our dinner with the restaurant. They would be in the room setting up once they knew it was empty. It would be ready in a half an hour they assured me, but they would let me know as well. I sat down in the bar nervously, awaiting Bella's arrival. The clock had just turned to six. The moment it did my eyes became glued to the doorway, watching for her. Bella was always punctual, I didn't have long to wait.

Bella appeared and took my breath away as she always did. That had to be the sexiest dress I had ever seen Bella in. Plus it had the one shoulder strap which just did something to me. Maybe because it was a hint of Bella on the way to becoming naked. Whatever it was I liked it. The dress was a criss cross of different blacks and grey, a little bit of sparkle. The cut caused it to fit her body like a glove. I wasn't the only one staring at her as she entered the bar.

Bella's brown eyes locked with mine and she smirked a little before she strolled over. Each step appeared calculated and I felt a pull between us like a magnetic beam. I turned towards her on the bar stool once she was in front of me. "Well hello gorgeous."

Bella smiled as she tossed her long hair back, before she put one hand on my thigh. I leaned in and whispered, "Do you know how many men are looking at you in ways that makes me want to beat the shit out of them?"

Shaking her head Bella squeezed my leg lightly. "No because I have only been looking at you. You look very…….edible." She licked her lips and I chuckled.

"As do you." I helped her up onto the bar stool next to me. The man on the other side was trying to leer at her out of the corner of his eye. I cleared my throat and put my arm possessively around Bella's waist. Leering man met my glare briefly and quickly looked away. Damn straight asshole, you better look away or I'll take your eyes out with one of those little drink umbrellas. Bella was watching my face with a curious expression.

"I'm not sure I really want to know, but what were you just thinking?"

I picked up the umbrella out of the drink I had ordered Bella and spun it. "I was thinking creative ways to ruin someone's eyesight."

Bella grabbed the umbrella from me and started giggling. "You are so bad!" She took the cherry out of her drink, "I like it." She put the cherry between her teeth and pulled it off the stem with a smile. I had asked the bartender to put one in her drink even though it didn't come with one because I knew Bella loved them.

I sipped my beer and tried not to let all the blood rush to my groin again. Bella twirled the umbrella between her fingers as she tasted her drink. "What did you get me? This is really good."

I leaned on my hand so I could watch her expression. "A Screaming Orgasm." Bella froze for just a second and then took another sip.

After a thoughtful second Bella said, "Well no doubt the first of many tonight." She grinned when I winked at her.

We sat and chatted while we finished our drinks. I kept looking at the clock and finally Bella asked me why I kept looking. I hesitated before I said, "Um, part of the plans."

Just then the bartender came over. "Mr. Cullen? I'm supposed to tell you everything is ready."

"Excellent, thank you." I turned to Bella. "Finish your drink love. We need to head back upstairs."

"Okay." Bella swung one leg as she drank down the last swallow. She hopped off the stool and quickly grabbed my arm for balance before she started laughing.

"I think we need to feed you." I hooked my arm around her waist and Bella leaned against me.

As we left the bar Bella wavered just a little on her feet and proclaimed, "Now we know. No screaming orgasms on an empty stomach." The desk clerk's head shot up in shock since Bella's voice carried a little. I laughed and hugged her to me.

"Too true. Well let's go have some dinner." We stepped in the elevator and Bella looked up at me and grabbed my tie. The look in her eye and the way she gripped my tie in her fingers made me extra glad I had decided to wear one.

"Then back to screaming orgasms?"

I assured her, "Absolutely."

Bella let go of my tie and did a little fist pump. "Excellent."

I restrained my laugh only because I didn't want to encourage her at this point. I wanted her to eat something or tonight was going to come to a quick end, and most likely one that involved more sleep than orgasms.

When we walked in our room I heard Bella gasp a little. I grinned because they did exactly what I wanted. In the center of the room was a little table set for two, candle lit, with some red rose petals sprinkled on the white tablecloth. The fire was lit in the fireplace. Dinner was set up already, the dishes covered to keep the food hot.

Bella spun to look at me. "You arranged all this?"

I nodded at her. "Guilty."

Bella leaned up and wrapped her arms tightly around my neck. "I love you, and your surprises."

I raised an eyebrow. "That's not just the screaming orgasm talking I hope."

"Nope, that's all me."

"Love you too. Let's go eat." I pulled Bella's chair out for her like I always did and made sure she had everything she needed before I sat down across from her. Bella loved everything, from the salad to the salmon to the baked red potatoes. As we ate her level of sobriety increased as well. The dinner was really fabulous. Bella leaned back into her chair with a sigh.

"I can't eat another bite." She set her fork down. "That was wonderful, thank you."

"You are very welcome. We will have to wait a little to make room for dessert I guess." I pushed back from the table and walked around to her.

"Dessert? What's for dessert?" Bella took my hand and stood up.

"Another surprise." I could see a moment of annoyance flash across Bella's face but she let it go just as quickly.

"Well I can't wait to see it, when I have some room." She patted her stomach and looked down at it. "I feel like I gained ten pounds."

I looked her up and down once and then spun her around under my arm. "You definitely don't look it. Have I told you yet tonight that you look sexy to a level that should be illegal?"

Bella shook her head. "Not out loud. With your eyes, absolutely."

"Well now I'm saying it. You are alluring to an extremely dangerous level in that dress. What I want to know is, are you too sexy to dance with a simple horse trainer? I think you might be."

"Simple? Yeah right. You are sex on legs and you know it." Bella wrapped her arms around my waist and looked up at me.

"I'm your sex on legs. No one else's. You still haven't answered my question."

"Of course I will dance with you Edward. After all, I'm just a simple stall cleaner." I leaned down and kissed her nose before I turned on my iPod. I had put a couple songs on a playlist for dancing with Bella. At the last minute I added one that I was interested in seeing her reaction to. She stood waiting for me and I pulled her in close to me and we slowly swayed to the music.

I brushed Bella's hair back over her bare shoulder. "Remember the first time we danced?"

"Absolutely. I told you I couldn't. But you showed me I could, at least with you." Bella smiled up at me.

"Do you recall what I told you?"

Bella rolled her eyes slightly at me. "Yes. You promised me you'd never let me go. How would I ever forget that?"

"Just checking. Because it still applies you know?" I hugged her tighter to me.

Bella leaned her head against my chest. "I know." We moved in a small circle, our dance more about being close to one another than actually dancing. My hands started roaming over her back, each pass inching further down. Bella let out a little moan when I cupped them over her behind and left them there.

The song ended and when the next one started I waited for realization to hit Bella. I wondered when she would recognize the instrumental version for the song it really was. When I heard her little gasp I knew she had figured it out.

"What love?" I pulled her hips tighter into mine and Bella gripped my back with her fingers.

"The song…..where did you find this?"

"Oh I can be very resourceful when I am looking for something I really want." I peered down at her. "This version of Closer really wasn't that much of a challenge." I backed Bella up one step at a time until her back was against the wall. I pressed my body into hers and she arched back into me.

I leaned on my hands until our faces were a couple inches apart. "I want you naked, now." Moving back I wrapped my fingers around the hem and slowly pulled Bella's dress up over her head. When I saw what she had on underneath I felt my heart stutter in my chest for a moment. I dropped her dress to the floor and just stared at her. Navy blue embroidered bustier, a matching thong? This was Alice had given her for her birthday that I had only gotten a glimpse of in the box. Fucking hell. That dress was one thing. What Bella had on under it was like my personal kryptonite, only in blue instead of green. The only thing it hadn't weakened was my erection. Man of steel indeed.

Understanding dawned on Bella's face why I had stopped moving and was just looking at her. She raised one eyebrow, "Edward?"

I dropped to my knees in front of her and put my hands on her hips. "Bella, damn, I can't think straight seeing you like this." Even with my brain on complete pause, I knew what I wanted to do. "Sorry for this." I grabbed the thong on either side and tore it off her. Bella gasped and watched me with wide eyes. I moved Bella so that her thighs were parted and looked up again at her. Bella was panting as she waited to see what I was going to do.

Leaning in I parted her folds with my thumbs and ran my tongue up between them. Bella's head fell back against the wall a light thud and she whispered, "Oh God." When I sucked her clit one of her hands threaded into my hair and the other grabbed my shoulder.

I licked and sucked at her, loving the sounds I was hearing above me. My hands pushed her hips back into wall as Bella writhed against my mouth. I paused long enough to murmur, "Mmm. I missed tasting you love."

I nibbled lightly at Bella's clit and her hand flew from my shoulder and smacked loudly against the wall. "Edward….shit." I felt her knees wobble a little and I supported her more. I knew she was seconds from coming. I plunged my tongue inside her and then slowly stroked it up, pausing before I reached where she really wanted it. Looking up I watched her fall apart the moment I sucked her again.

"Edward, like that I……." Bella's words trailed off into a loud moan as she tightened her fingers in my hair. I didn't stop sucking and licking until she became too sensitive, drawing out her orgasm as long as I could. When I finally sat back I took in the sight above me. Bella's eyes were closed, her lips parted, and her breathing harsh and fast. I stood up without letting go of her and pulled her into my body. She leaned into me heavily.

"You okay love?" I knew she was, I just liked to hear Bella's voice when she was in this state.

"Oh yeah, other than I can't stand, I'm good."

I secured my arms around her. "Why do you think I'm holding onto you?" I kissed the top of her head. Picking her up, I carried her over to the couch and sat down with her straddling me. I caressed one breast underneath the delicate fabric covering it. "I absolutely love this."

"Better not break this part then." Bella sat back and smiled at me. "That way you might have a chance of seeing it again."

"If I'd known this was on under that dress, we would never have left the room." My fingers traced over the designs down her body.

Bella reached up and loosened my tie before she pulled it off. Quickly she had my shirt unbuttoned and on the floor. My hands felt up her back trying to figure out how to get her out of this gorgeous contraption, all I felt were strings. Bella laughed and stood up, turning her back to me before she sat back down in my lap. Leaning forward she gave me plenty of access to the silken ribbons that held the top closed. Carefully I untied them and unlaced her. Bella removed it, carefully setting it on the coffee table. Before she could turn back around I pulled her back into me, cupping her breasts in my hands.

"What do you want love? How should I take you? What is your body screaming for?" I whispered in her ear.

Bella groaned as I started rolling her hips down slowly against me. "It's just screaming to have you inside me, now."

I stood up and turned Bella so she was over the back of the couch. "Now?"

Bella looked over her shoulder at me. "Now Edward, please."

I had my pants and boxers off in seconds and moved in behind Bella. The moment she felt my hands on her hips she moaned and pushed back towards me. I rubbed up against her for a just a moment, teasing her. Then I slid inside her in one swift move. Bella pushed back off the couch into me, causing out bodies to meet together with a smack. I stayed deep inside her and kissed my way up her back. I reached her ear and said quietly, "This is what you want?"

Bella moaned, "Right now it's exactly what I want. Show me Edward, how much you want me."

"I'll try baby, but that is immeasurable." I pulled out again and slammed back into her. Bella met my every stroke, using the back of the couch to push her body into mine. Our movements were fast from the start, the more I gave her, the more Bella wanted. The more Bella wanted the more I wanted to give her.

Not having her body next to mine was killing me though, so I wrapped one arm around her and pulled her back up against my chest. I grabbed both her breasts and Bella rolled her head back against my shoulder. "I need you closer," I gasped. Bella reached back and grasped at the back of my neck, her fingernails digging in slightly.

"You feel so good Edward." I pinched Bella's nipples lightly between my fingers and she arched into my hands with a whimper.

I pulled out of Bella and sat back to lay down on the rug. Bella turned and grinned at me. I beckoned with one finger. "Feel like riding love?"

"Mmm. Absolutely." Bella joined me on the floor, sitting against me and rubbing her wetness up and down my erection.

"Jesus Bella." I grasped her and tried to move her so that I could line back up with her. Bella leaned down, her dark hair falling around us. She crushed her lips into mine and I growled as she attacked me. Her tongue thrust in against mine and she moaned when I returned the favor. I sucked her lower lip and nipped it. "Please love, I need to be in you again."

Bella shifted and slid back so that suddenly I was surrounded by her hot wet walls again. I groaned trying to arch up as far into her as I could. Bella sat back and rolled her hips against mine as I ran my hands up her body. "So beautiful…..and all mine."

Bella grinned down at me. "All yours." Our hands intertwined and I let Bella brace against me as she worked her body on mine. Her head fell back and she ground down into me. I watched her breasts move with the motions of our bodies, the sway of her hips, and the flexion of her arms. I tried to take it all it because every time it was always amazing to me.

Laying her body down on top of mine Bella brushed her lips over mine. "Edward…."

"Yes love." I bent my knees and thrust up once into her and she moaned, her hot breath washing over me. Bella didn't have to say it. I knew what she wanted. I drove up hard again into her twice and her forehead hit my shoulder with a gasp. "You want more?" I whispered.

"Yes….more."

I held her hips as I started thrusting hard up into her. Bella's upper body arched back a little as she tried to let me in deeper. I leaned up and kissed her collarbones before I lightly bit where her neck met her shoulder.

"Fuck Edward." I groaned because Bella's dirty mouth did the same thing to me that mine did to her. I rolled us onto our sides and hooked one of her legs up over my hip. Our movements were growing frenzied, our hands grasping at one another as the room echoed with our moans and raspy breathing.

Bella's body started to tighten down around me. "I'm about to make you come so fucking hard love." I growled into her ear.

"Oh God, I feel……Edward." Bella's eyes met mine briefly, a mixture of pleading and desire.

"I feel it too love." I wrapped on arm up behind her, bringing her breasts tightly into my chest. Our bodies slid together easily, fluidly in spite of the increasing speed and power which they were meeting at. "I can feel it Bella….God you are so tight around me."

Suddenly Bella stiffened, her fingers digging into my sides. "Edward!" Her walls clamped down on me as her orgasm took over. She moaned my name again as she clung to me, "Edward…..come now."

Her voice breathlessly asking me that sent me over the edge. "Yes Bella......oh my God baby." I groaned as I drove into a few final times. Waves of pleasure wracked my body as Bella still climaxed around me. My fingers slid down her sweaty back trying to keep Bella close to me. As the final bits of my release washed over me I rolled back onto my back and took Bella with me. I breathed out Bella's name again as she splayed across me.

Bella took several deep breaths before she whispered out, "Holy shit."

"No kidding." I hugged her tighter to me and Bella let out the sigh I always waited for.

Neither of us could find words again for several moments. Bella's cheek was hot against my shoulder. Finally she mumbled against my skin, "What's dessert?" I chuckled and she propped herself up enough to look at me. "I'm hungry now, so sue me." Her hair fell in damp curls against my chest.

"Well we have to get up and move a little if you want dessert." Bella groaned and lay her head back down. "Sorry, that's the way it is. By the way, who is doing chores next week?"

Bella looked back up and grinned at me. "Oh I definitely am."

"Good to know, I figured as much." I sat up slowly holding Bella to me. "Dessert?"

"Sure, as long as you help me get up."

I got up and pulled Bella up as well. "You don't have to move far." I led her over to the fireplace and sat her back down. "You cold?"

"Nope, not sitting here."

"Good. I'd like you to stay naked." Bella giggled and I shrugged. "I'm a guy, so sue me." I went and grabbed the items for dessert, feeling Bella's eyes on me the whole time. It was only fair. If I get to stare at her, she should have the right to stare at me when I was naked. Truthfully I didn't mind in the least.

I set the tray down in front of Bella and her eyes swept over the items on it. She looked up at me with a big smile. "Are you kidding me? S'mores?"

"S'mores. I thought it would be fun. Your roasting utensil miss." I handed Bella a long handled fork. We speared a couple marshmallows each and stuck them over the flames. Bella grinned over at me.

"You are the most creative man I have ever met, and I love you."

"I love you too, and thank you. Now, here is a crucial question, you don't burn your marshmallows do you?"

Bella looked shocked. "Hell no. But I am a bit anal retentive that they are a perfect golden brown on both sides. You?"

I nodded. "Same. Alice burns hers and I just don't understand the appeal."

Bella made a face and shuddered as she turned her fork. "The only problem with these is I can only eat about two, and then I'm full."

I started to pull my marshmallow out but Bella cried out, "Wait!" I froze and looked at her. With a little grin she covered my lap with a napkin. "We cannot risk you getting burned."

I cracked up but had to definitely agree with that logic. "Good idea." We assembled our S'mores carefully on the tray. Bella took an enormous bite of hers, strings of melted white sugar pulling from the treat until they broke. I laughed before I took a bite of mine at all the marshmallow on her face.

"What?" A few graham cracker crumbs flew from Bella's mouth and she covered it with her hand. "Oops, sorry."

I swallowed before I answered. "It's okay. I'm just imagining the fun I'm going to have cleaning you up after you are done eating."

Bella used her finger to wipe the marshmallow off her lips. "Yeah I'll bet you are." A little glint came into her eyes and she smiled, more to herself than to me. That meant only one thing.

"What did you just think of?" I asked.

"Nothing. You'll find out in a few minutes." Bella winked at me as she munched down the last bites of her S'more. She took a marshmallow and started toasting it.

"Are you making another?" I was full after one. God those things were rich for having such simple ingredients.

"No, not exactly. Patience." Bella gave me a look out of the corner of her eye. I sat back and watched her prepare the marshmallow to perfect level of golden toasted goodness. Grinning she took it out and carefully pulled it off the fork. Slowly she started to stretch it, very carefully so that it wouldn't break. Once Bella had it pulled about ten inches she moved to straddle my legs. I raised an eyebrow at her because I really had no idea what the hell she was up to.

Bella held out one end and said, "Open." I opened my mouth and she put the end of the marshmallow string in there. With another smile she put the other end in her mouth. That was when I understood. Bella crooked one finger at me asking me to make my way closer. Grinning like idiots we ate our way up the length of marshmallow until our lips met. Bella snapped the remaining bit with her tongue as she meshed her lips with mine. She hummed happily and wrapped her arms around my neck. I licked along her bottom lips slowly before we parted.

"Well that was definitely the best marshmallow I have ever had, by far." I reached up and stroked the side of her face. Bella closed her eyes and leaned into my hand. "Thank you."

"Thank you for arranging dessert." Bella sat back and looked at me. "I'm full, what about you?"

I yawned and stretched. "Full, definitely. And a little sleepy."

"Me too." Bella yawned as well and laid her head against my shoulder. Carefully I stood up taking Bella with me. She gripped me tighter and I walked us to the bed, falling on it keeping her wrapped up in my arms. We parted reluctantly to use the restroom. Soon we were back in bed, Bella's back against my chest, my arms wrapped snugly around her. I kissed the side of her neck, leaning my cheek against hers. "I have had a wonderful time with you this weekend love."

Bella smiled, I could feel her cheek move against mine. "Me too. This has been perfect. Thank you for everything."

"Thank you for loving me." I murmured as I kissed her cheek. I hesitated before I asked the next question. I knew how I felt, but I wanted to see if she felt the same. "How do you feel, about…..us? Do things feel better?"

Bella instantly rolled over so she could look at me. "First off things never felt bad Edward. It just felt like we still had this divider up between us. I knew we could bring it back down, we just needed the time together to find each other." Bella nestled in closer to me. "We needed the time to be us again. The loss of our baby…..well it took a lot from both of us. But it didn't take the love, trust and commitment that makes up our relationship. How do you feel?"

That was the first time Bella had mentioned the baby with more ease. I knew it would never be easy, but to hear her being able to talk about it more openly made me feel better. "I feel the same love, and I couldn't have said it better. I feel like things are reconnecting between us again."

Bella leaned into my chest and giggled. "In more ways than one."

"Dirty girl. But very true." I heard and felt Bella yawn and I rubbed her back. "Sleep love."

That same dirty girl appeared in a dream that night. I could feel Bella touching me all over but couldn't see her. I groaned and tried to find her with my hands but she evaded my touch. Her voice was a low murmur and I felt myself grow harder just hearing it. "Open your eyes Edward, open them."

What did she mean, my eyes were open? I felt her tongue run along the base of my erection and I arched towards her. Her fingers splayed across my hips and I felt her teeth nip the inside of my thigh. "Edward….wake up." Suddenly my eyes were open, really open. Bella was kneeling between my thighs, wearing my tie and nothing else. The early morning light was streaming through the window and bringing out all the highlights in her hair. I blinked a second trying to reconcile dream with reality.

"Morning." Bella leaned forward and placed a kiss right on the tip and smiled at me.

"Nice tie," I managed to croak out.

Bella smiled before she leaned back down to lick me again. "Thank you. I figured after this you could find some other ways for me to wear it."

Yes, yes I could.

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**Sooooooo, I need opinions my dear readers. Would you like Chapter 6 to continue on from this point, or shall we move on from their weekend. I'm pretty sure I know what your wishes will be, but I'm just checking in.....REVIEW and let me know. I'm working on the next RTW next, so it will be at least 7-10 days before the next ASEA ch is up. Unless I have a writing rage at some point.**

**Let me know.......a little formal tie wearing lemon action, or move on to returning home and leave the end of this up to your twisted pervy imaginations. **

**Pug Hugs  
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	6. Chapter 6

**I know some of you probably think I had died or something at this point. I swear I'm very much alive. I also am in the last 2 weeks of my 2nd year of vet school. I have 8 exams and a short paper in the next 2 weeks. BUT....I have gotten at least a chapter up for one of my stories. I promise RTW will be updated next. My RL struggles outside have school have improved and I thank everyone who has sent me good wishes with their reviews or messages.  
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**Sooooo, the voting on the whole "continue the lemon" issue was mixed. So I have decided I will continue it.....later, as an outtake. You will get to read it, just not now. However shamwows are needed for this chapter, enjoy**

**Special thanks to GrayMatters, who has been one of the many to help me keep going when the shit gets tough. And to EtomyB who keeps me laughing. Go check out their FF stories, GrayMatters _Never Enough_ and EtomyB's _Bathrooms Are For Lovers_. I have the honor of beta-ing both of them and they are amazing.  
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_Twilight character names belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. The intellectual property including but not limited to, all characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds, and details belong to Iadorepugs. Plagerism is theft so please no copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization. Thank you

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**Chapter 6**

_And I know if I saw you in a movie  
And I know, doing all the things you do, for me  
And I know if I saw you in a movie  
Doing all the things you do  
I would fall in love with you_

_If I Saw You In A Movie ~ Heather Nova_

**BPOV**

The sun was breaking through the clouds as I walked back out to the barn dressed to ride. It appeared March was coming in like a lamb instead of a lion. I stood in the opening to the aisle way and stretched my arms up over my head, lengthening my core muscles. I had learned the benefit of stretching before riding. The sunshine was nice to feel on my face. It was not that warm yet, but a pleasant reminder that winter was behind us.

"I'd like a picture of that." Edward's voice was low behind me. I didn't answer him. Instead I put my foot up against the beam and stretched my hamstrings. I lay my head sideways on my knee and smiled over at him. I watched his eyes darken as I switched legs and just kept smiling at him. Slowly he walked over to me and kissed me right under my ear. "You are dangerous. Now go get Aston tacked up. I'll be right back." He spanked my butt as he left and I let out a little squeal of surprise.

I was in the saddle walking Aston in the arena when Edward finally returned. When I saw what he had in his hand, I felt a knot in my stomach. "Please tell me you aren't holding a video camera."

Edward grinned. "I'm not holding a video camera."

I groaned and rolled my eyes, halting Aston next to him. "Why do you have that?"

"I thought it would be pretty obvious. I'm going to film your lesson today."

"Why?" I whined a little just for effect. I was not thrilled with this development but I also knew full well that I wouldn't be able to talk him out of it.

Edward put on hand on my thigh and I felt a shock of heat run through me. "Bella, it is part of becoming a better rider. I want you to see what you are doing right and doing wrong. It will help you be more aware of your body while you ride. In fact I will have you videotaping me on Masen here pretty soon. I'm not just singling you out."

"Fine. I just hate watching videos of myself doing anything."

Edward raised an eyebrow and squeezed my leg. "Anything?"

I shoved his hand off my thigh. "Oh my God. Can we stay out of the gutter for my lesson at least?" I grinned at him.

"That wasn't an answer to my question." Edward moved towards the center of the arena. "Continue warming up as you usually do."

It was actually easy to ignore he was filming me. Once I was focused on the myriad of tasks I had to do simultaneously as I rode, the camera was forgotten. All I could hear was Edward's voice and Aston's breathing. Edward was specific in his instructions on my position so that when I played it back I could see what he saw. Ugh. I wasn't looking forward to watching this video at all.

Finally he set the camera down as I started cooling Aston down. "It just keeps getting better and better Bella."

"I hope so, my legs feel like jello." I had Aston on a loose rein as I walked around the arena cooling him out. As we went by the open end a bird startled up and flew past the opening. Everything after that was a blur. Aston spooked and spun sharply to the left. I leaned and tried to stay with the motion, but Aston literally shot out from under me. My legs had not much left in them to hang on with, and before I knew it I was landing in the dirt. My side and back came down hard on the ground, followed by my butt.

"Bella!" I heard Edward shout my name and tried to sit up but I couldn't inhale. He was over me in a second, his hand on my shoulder. "Don't move. Stay down." His eyes scanned me rapidly for any obvious injuries.

"Can't…..breathe."

"You've knocked the wind out of yourself. I know it feels scary, but it will pass. Just focus on little breaths." Edward rubbed my shoulder gently. "In, out, slowly love."

I kept my eyes on Edward's as my breathing eased and I was able to take in more air. "Aston?"

Edward shook his head. "He's fine. He's standing by the gate waiting for someone to let him out. Let's worry about you for now okay? Do you hurt anywhere?"

I lay there a second. "Where I landed is sore, but not bad."

"What part of you hit the ground the hardest?" Edward knelt back and took a more thorough look over me.

"My side and back." I licked my lips and grimaced when I tasted the dirt there.

"How about your head and neck? Any pain there?"

I started to shake my head but Edward grabbed my helmet. "Don't move your head yet."

"My head and neck are fine Edward. Can I get up out of the dirt yet?"

"No." Edward gave me a little smile. "Just give it a second and then I will help you sit up."

I pointed on finger at him. "Admit it, you are fantasizing about taking me on the arena floor aren't you?"

Edward chuckled. "Well not until you just mentioned it. Ready to sit up?"

"Yes please." Edward slid one arm underneath my shoulders and helped me come up off the ground. "Thank God you weren't still taping. How embarrassing."

"We all fall off Bella. Hell he might've dumped me off with that spook and complete one-eighty."

I looked at my hands and was shocked at how violently they were shaking. Edward took both of them between his hands. "It's just the adrenaline rush making you shake, it will pass."

I sighed and sat up a little further. "I have dirt everywhere."

Edward reached up, unfastened my helmet and then removed it. Carefully he brushed my face off a little with his fingers. "Yes you do. In fact I will bet you will find dirt in places you aren't expecting."

I rolled my eyes. I looked across the arena and saw Aston standing at the gate watching us. He almost looked a little upset himself. Edward followed my gaze, "I need to put him away. You stay here."

"Wait." I grabbed Edward's arm. "Bring him over here first." Edward gave me a look of curiosity. "Humor the girl on the ground with dirt in unusual places please?"

"Alright." Edward gave me one more look to make sure I stayed sitting. He walked about halfway to Aston and called him and Aston walked right over. He followed Edward over to where I was sitting. Aston leaned his head down next to me and I reached up to pet his forehead.

"Just wanted to make sure you knew, no hard feelings bud." I scratched his favorite spot under his ear and Aston nudged my thigh with his nose.

Edward was watching with a look of disbelief. "First time I've seen a rider apologize to the horse that dumped them off."

I glared up at him. "He looked like he was upset. I just wanted him to know I'm okay."

Edward leaned down and kissed the tip of my nose. "I will be right back, don't move."

"Yes sir." I gave him a half ass salute and Edward laughed. I sat waiting while he untacked Aston. I could feel the ache in my muscles setting in. This was not going to feel good in the morning. I already knew Edward would be handing me the bottle of Advil the moment we returned to the house.

"Alright dirt girl, let's get you up and inside." Edward grabbed the video camera where he had left it when I fell off. He stood behind me and put both arms under mine. "Lean back into me and let me stand you up okay? Once I have you up just stand there."

"Okay." Edward slowly lifted me up and I let him hold me up until I had my feet underneath me. I groaned feeling the areas that hit the ground twinge with pain.

"What is it?"

"Just sore, where I hit the dirt. I'm okay." Edward peered around my shoulder and raised an eyebrow. "Relatively. Nothing new is hurting."

Once I was steady we started walking back to the house. "When was the last time you came off a horse Edward?"

"Hmm, well obviously it doesn't happen as often as it used to. But actually Gunner dumped me off last spring. We were cantering and he was spooked by something, bolted and bucked me off. It had been a few years since I had fallen off, so I was due."

We walked in the front door and I looked at him, "Due?"

Edward chuckled. "Bella, the longer you ride you will learn there are almost cycles to these things. Even advanced riders fall off. If it has been a long time since you have fallen off, it will catch up with you. We all have to clock in a certain amount of time eating dirt. Less experienced riders have a higher requirement of dirt time to log in."

"So what you are trying to remind me is that this won't be the last time I fall off."

Edward nodded. "I was glad to see you didn't try to break your fall with your hands, good way to break your wrist or dislocate a shoulder." I leaned back against the door and Edward helped me out of my boots.

"I didn't actually have time to think. I just knew the moment that I wasn't going to be able to stay on."

"Yep. As you get to be a better rider you will actually feel the moment of decision as to whether to fight to stay on or bail." Edward stood up and smiled at me. "Let's get you upstairs and cleaned off."

I gasped when we walked in the bathroom and I saw my reflection. "Holy shit. I look like Pig Pen in the Peanuts cartoon." I had dirt all over my face except where Edward had wiped some off. My entire right side, back and butt were covered in dirt.

Edward busted up laughing and I glared at him. "Sorry love, you just crack me up." He leaned in and kissed me gently. "Get in the tub, so that when you take your clothes off the dirt ends up there."

I climbed in the tub and Edward helped me peel off my layers of clothes. I realized as the clothes came off he hadn't been kidding about getting dirt everywhere. There was even dirt under my breeches. I peeled my panties off and laughed at the line of dirt around my waist. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and just shook my head. Edward saw my reaction and chuckled. I took the panties which were still in my hand and threw them at him. "Stop laughing at me."

"Not if it means you throw your underwear at me." Edward tossed my clothes in the hamper. "Turn around, let me see your back." I turned and felt his fingers skim the skin over my back and side. "You are going to have a nice bruise. We need to ice this when you are done cleaning up. I'm going to go get you….."

"Some Advil?" I cut him off with a little grin.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Yes smart ass."

"You love my smart ass."

Edward winked at me. "Among other things. Be right back."

I stood under the warm water and let it soak down over me. I took a drink of water from the spray and rinsed my mouth out. The grit of the dirt against my teeth had been driving me crazy. Edward appeared with my drugs. "Doing okay?"

"Yep. Just checking all crevices for dirt."

Edward gave me a naughty smile. "If you hadn't just fallen off I'd volunteer for that job."

I splashed some water his direction. "I'll bet you would. Get out of here so I can finish cleaning up."

"I'll be in the den with some ice for you." He smiled and shut the door.

Once I was positive I was dirt free, I dried myself off. The area where I was bruised was becoming sorer to the touch and I swore under my breath. I pulled on soft yoga clothes and a tank and wandered out to Edward. He was on the couch and patted the spot next to him. "Lay down here love on your left side. " I did as he asked and he draped a large soft ice pack over my side and back, and then laid a blanket over me. I put my head in his lap and Edward stroked the side of my face. "Comfortable enough?"

I glanced up at him. "Yes, thank you. Love you."

Edward ran his thumb over my lower lip and I kissed it. "Love you too. Let me know if you get too cold."

I actually dozed off for awhile. Edward woke me gently when he went to go feed the horses. I just curled back up on the couch and waited for him to come back. My cell rang, it was Alice calling.

"Hey Alice, what's up?"

"I'm great Bella. I just found a pair of the most amazing Jimmy Choo's on sale for seventy-five percent off. How are you?" I shook my head at the differences between us at what qualified to make us that happy.

"Aston dumped me off today, so I'm a little sore, but I'm okay."

"Oh God. Has Edward gone overboard and said he will never let you ride again?"

I laughed. "No he seemed to take it in stride. But he has taken very good care of me this afternoon. Any excuse for coddling me….." I hadn't thought about it, but Edward had handled the event rather calmly. Maybe because that sort of thing was inevitable if you rode horses.

"That's because he loves you and has a need to take care of your independent ass."

"I know Alice." I lay back gingerly. "So are you calling about movie night this weekend?"

"Absolutely. Are we still on?"

I smiled hearing the enthusiasm in Alice's voice. "Of course. Emmett and Rosalie are coming too. It should be a fun night."

"What time do you want me over there, and what can I bring?"

Edward wandered in and saw me on the phone and joined me on the couch. "Seven sound okay? Why don't you bring your recipe for making those great lemon drops?"

"Oooh, good idea. I haven't made those in a while. Consider it done."

"Thanks Alice. We will see you Friday night." We hung up and Edward put my feet in his lap. "Looks like everything is all set for this weekend."

"You feel like you will be up to it love?" Edward rubbed my feet gently.

"It's not for a couple days, I'm sure I'll be fine. Horses all okay?" I sat up and scooted over so I could lean into Edward's chest.

"They're fine. How are you feeling?" Edward pulled me up into his lap and I put my head on his shoulder.

"Sore, tired, but okay." I pressed closer and wrapped my arms around his neck, sighing happily.

Edward kissed the top of my head. "I wasn't gone that long, did you miss me?"

"Mmm hmm. I just feeling like snuggling up to you." I looked up at him and gave him a little smile. "That okay?"

"Of course. I will have to get up to make us some dinner soon."

I cuddled back into his neck. "I suppose."

That night I groaned as I crawled beneath the sheets. More sore muscles were making themselves aware as the hours passed. I knew when I woke in the morning it wasn't going to be pleasant. Edward slid in next to me and hesitated in wrapping himself around me like he always did. I grabbed his arm and tugged him up behind me. "For goodness sakes Edward, I'm a little bruised, but not broken. Get your ass over here."

Edward pulled me back further into him chuckling. "Just didn't want to hit a sore spot."

I grumbled over my shoulder, "I'll give you a sore spot if you don't stop acting like I'm made of glass. I fell off a horse, not a five story building. I'm fine."

"Got it love." He kissed the side of my neck and I gave a happy little sound and pressed back into him harder. "Nope," he muttered. "Be good. I will put my foot down on any of that tonight. You have no idea how much you will hurt in the morning already."

I blew a raspberry at him. "No fun. You are no fun. That's why God made Advil, don't you know that."

Edward just kissed my shoulder and we went to sleep.

The next couple days I lived on Advil. Holy shit I was sore. Edward helped me with a few of the barn chores just to give my aching back a break. Fortunately by Friday I was feeling much closer to normal. I still had a few tender spots, but I was able to get back in the saddle on Aston and walk around.

I was nervous though. I hadn't even thought about mental side effects being a consequence of falling off Aston. Edward noticed though. He was walking along side me on Masen, warming him up. Edward glanced over at me for a moment, watching me.

"You know if you grip those reins any tighter, you will have permanent imprints in your hands love."

"Huh?" I looked down and realized how tensely my fingers were gripping the reins. "Oh." I loosened them instantly.

"You are very tight between your shoulder blades too, see if you can try and relax those down. Take a few deep breaths."

I did what Edward asked and Aston let out a big breath and a snort beneath me. "See Bella, even Aston could feel you were nervous and on edge. It's totally normal to have those feeling the first couple rides after a fall. Just be aware of it and try not to fall into the trap."

I nodded. "I didn't expect to be nervous."

"Even if you don't think you will be, subconsciously you cannot help it. Just the way it is." Edward smiled at me and moved off to put Masen to work. I couldn't believe the change in Masen since he had first arrived. If you had shown me a picture of him when he first arrived, I wouldn't have believed it was the same horse. He was shedding out his winter coat, the shine of his summer coat peeking through in places. He had picked up weight, muscle, and his eyes had light behind them again. It was really amazing to see.

Aston and I focused on figures within the arena at the walk. I did a little posting trot to stretch my sore muscles out a bit. As time passed I began to relax more and not startle slightly every time I heard or saw something outside the arena. I stopped in the center of the arena and just watched Edward canter Masen. Masen's ears flicked forward and back as he listened to Edward's cues and voice. Edward brought him across the diagonal to change directions and Masen automatically did a flying change, putting himself on the correct canter lead for the new direction.

My mouth fell open. "Did you ask for that Edward?"

Edward was chuckling as he cantered Masen on a twenty meter circle. "No, that was his idea." He loosened the reins and let Masen stretch his neck down and forward as he cantered. Masen snorted a few times as he relaxed further. Edward patted his neck and let him come back to a slow trot and then a walk. "Good boy Mase-man, we will stop there." He let Masen walk around on a long rein, a little smile on his face.

"Boy he has come a long way Edward."

Edward nodded. "I know. Once we broke through all his insecurities, he's really progressed. He enjoys working." Edward halted next to me and smiled.

"I can tell. I was watching his expression as you cantered him. He is much more confident now too. He trusts you."

"Yes." Edward was still grinning.

"That makes you incredibly happy, as it should. You've done a good thing for him Edward."

Edward reached over and patted my hand. "I couldn't have done it without you."

I gave him a cocky smile. "No you couldn't have." I hopped off Aston and winked at Edward over Aston's back. Edward just winked back before he returned to cooling Masen off.

Later on I was in the shower trying to get ready since we were having company tonight. Edward was supposed to be downstairs getting burgers ready to be grilled. It was nice enough outside that the men all wanted to barbecue before we watched the movie. I had plugged my iPod in and put my Edward playlist on. Rihanna's Control Me came on and I started singing along as I shaved my legs.

_I'll be your entertainment tonight (tonight)  
I'll show you whatever it is you like (you like boy)  
Just sit back and enjoy the show (the show)  
And kick your feet up boy here we go (baby hit the lights)_

_I need all of your attention (baby it's alright)  
You can admire my dimensions (oh-oh)  
Been working on my definition for you  
Tonight there's only one thing for you to do_

_Remote control me  
Push the buttons to turn me on, please  
Pick me up put me on the wall, please  
Just plug in the wire  
Make my volume higher, higher_

The music was loud enough I didn't hear Edward get in the shower behind me. When his hands gripped my waist I shrieked and spun around. "Jesus Edward, you scared the shit out of me."

Edward grinned as he turned us around and tilted his head back in the spray. "That's what you get for listening to a song about being controlled that loud. Like I could stay downstairs when I knew you were up here, all wet, listening to these lyrics." He grinned at me.

"Really? Do you want to control me Edward?" I raised one eyebrow at him as I ran my fingers over his collarbones.

"Maybe…..every now and then. Do you want me to control you?" Edward licked his lips, his eyes darkening as they traced down my body and back up again.

"Every now and then, I think I might like that." I looked up at him through my eyelashes and stepped closer to him so that our bodies were pressed together.

Edward turned me around and pulled me back into him. "I think we will have to try that sometime soon." His hands slid up to cup both of my breasts, rolling my nipples between his fingers. I groaned and my head fell back against his shoulder. Edward pressed his lips to the side of my neck, running his tongue up to my ear. "Right now I want you to put your hands on the wall love."

I leaned forward and placed my hands flat on the tile and looked at him over my shoulder. "Like this?"

Edward licked his lips as he looked at me. "Yes, exactly like that." His hands stroked down my back slowly, over my hips and back up to caress each side of my ass. They paused there, rubbing me lightly before he reached underneath me and ran his fingers through my folds. His voice was low in my ear. "Not just wet from the water I see……I love that."

I shivered as his fingers grazed lightly over me. "Edward…." I whispered.

Edward's lips trailed over my neck and shoulders. His teeth taking little nips here and there. I pressed back into his hand until Edward slid two fingers into me, slowly sliding them in and out, teasingly grazing my clit with his thumb. He kept his strokes slow and steady, even when I tried to grind back against him. "Uh uh uh. My speed Bella."

The tightening burn between my legs was intensifying rapidly. "Edward, please."

"Hmm?" Edward added a third finger and I moaned loudly. "What do you want love?"

"You, I need you inside me now."

Edward nudged my legs apart and rubbed his erection between them. "Is this what you want?" His voice was husky in my ear and he sucked on my earlobe.

"Yes, I want you inside me, hard, now." We had not made love for a few days since I had fallen off, and I felt empty. I needed him to fill me.

Edward teased me a few more seconds rubbing slowly against me while his thumb toyed with my clit. Suddenly his fingers were gone, his hands were gripping my hips as he entered me slowly, drawing it out. I growled and pushed back off the wall and brought him into me the rest of the way. Edward's fingers tightened on me as he groaned, "Shit Bella."

I looked over my shoulder at him. Edward's eyes met mine, dark green and intense. "I said hard Edward."

Edward didn't say another word, he just began thrusting deep and forcefully into me. I moaned at the sensations it sent through my body, bracing against the wall. "Hard enough baby?"

"Oh God yes, like that." I gasped as I arched back into him. I could already feel the heat tightening down in my center. Every nerve in my body was on fire as Edward moved one hand to grasp my right breast. His fingers tugged on it, the sensation causing me to cry out. Our breathing was harsh and loud over the sounds of the water falling around us. Edward's tongue traced up my spine before he bit me at the base of my neck.

The combination of the slight sting from his teeth, his fingers playing with my breast, and a well timed hard thrust sent me over the edge. "Edward, I'm…….fuck!" My forehead fell forward against the cold tile.

Edward's body stiffened behind me as he let out a loud groan. "Me too love…..you feel so good……." His voice trailed off into another moan as he pulsed inside me, his climax taking him over.

I was still pressed as hard as I could be back into him, trying to stay upright as waves of pleasure rolled through every inch of my body. Edward slid his hand from my breast and wrapped one arm around my waist, holding me tighter to him. His breath was hot against my shoulder, his mouth trailing lazily over my skin. "Mmmm, love you," he murmured in my ear.

"Love you too." Edward pulled out and turned me and we wrapped our arms around each other. Edward leaned back against the wall as I lay my ear over his pounding heart. "I need a nap now."

Edward chuckled. "I'd like one too, but we have guests that will be here in an hour."

I nuzzled against the center of his chest as I sighed in contentment. "Damn."

"I completely agree. But we can continue this later, as many times as we'd like you know. It is the weekend." Edward kissed the top of my head.

I stretched against Edward. The sensation of my sensitive nipples against his chest hair made me whimper a little as there was a spike of need within me again. "Good thing."

**EPOV**

_I don't know what you've done to me,  
But I know this much is true:  
I wanna do bad things with you.  
I wanna do real bad things with you._

_Bad Things ~ Jace Everett_

Bella was limp against me as I leaned back against the shower wall. Even a few days off and the need between us to reconnect was too strong to be ignored any longer. I had been trying to give her body a little break since her tumble off of Aston. But the combination of the song she was listening to and my own imagination made my own urges too much to deny. We took our time finishing our shower, pausing to exchange gentle caresses with one another. Our company would be here soon and the knowledge of that was all that convinced us to leave the shower.

As she dressed I was glad to see the major bruise on her back from her fall this week was fading. Bella had hit the ground pretty hard, but her injuries were routine as far as most falls go. Bruised body, and a bit of a bruised ego. It had earned her a new helmet too. Bella didn't understand why since her helmet looked fine. I had to explain it's generally considered a wise idea to replace a helmet after a fall, since there could be damage that is undetectable.

Bella met me down in the kitchen and helped me prepare the items to go on the burgers. There was a knock and Bella bounced into the living room to answer it. I heard a rush of female chatter and knew that both Rose and Alice had arrived. A few seconds later Emmett and Jasper joined me in the kitchen. Jasper rolled his eyes and pointed behind himself, "The estrogen level just spiked a hundred times in there man."

Emmett chuckled as he put some beer in the fridge. "No shit, I think if I went back in there I'd ovulate."

Jasper and I broke into hard laughter. I shook my head. "You know it's just going to get worse once they get some alcohol in them. Alice brought her lemon drop ingredients Jasper?"

Jasper nodded. "Oh yeah. Remember the superbowl?"

"Yes." I watched him as he grinned widely and then snickered.

"This will be worse. You know how strong she makes those damn things."

I rubbed my eyes for a moment. "Oh boy."

"Exactly." Jasper leaned against the wall and folded his arms.

Emmett stood there watching curiously. "What happened last time?"

I rolled my eyes. "Alice and Bella got a little buzzed and silly."

Jasper shook his head. "Try a lot buzzed and very silly."

Emmett looked at the ingredients in the bag Jasper had sent on the counter. "Well this will make for an interesting evening."

At that moment the girls came bounding into the kitchen, Alice pouncing on her bag of ingredients. They moved to the table and started mixing their drinks. Emmett grabbed three beers and handed us each one. We touched bottles as he said, "Here's to buzzed horny girlfriends."

Bella glared over her shoulder at him. "Ewww Emmett, you just included me, your little sister in that?"

Emmett grinned. "You may be my little sister, but you are all grown up and I know it. I'm sure you and Edward's bologna pony are on a first name basis."

"Emmett!" Bella grabbed a slice of lemon and threw it at Emmett who just caught it and laughed.

"What Belladonna?" Emmett chucked the lemon back at Bella. "We all know you are two hump like bunnies. You have been letting Edward into your tunnel of love, rob your pink wallet. And that you have been playing with Edward's purple headed warrior, his trouser snake."

"God damn it Emmett!" Bella walked over and beat against his chest. Jasper and I were laughing so hard we could barely speak. Bella pointed a finger at me. "Don't encourage him Cullen."

Emmett just laughed and Alice pulled Bella back over to the table and whispered in her ear. Bella got a very evil smile and nodded. Shit. The guys and I exchanged looks and I knew they were as concerned as I was about what was transpiring.

The girls continued to make their drinks while the guys and I disappeared with the burgers out to the barbecue. Jasper shoved at Emmett. "You had to get them started. You know we are in some sort of deep shit trouble now assbite."

"What? What are they going to do? Nothing we can't handle." Emmett took a swig of his bear and grinned at us.

I shook my head. "Clearly you haven't been around Bella and Alice when they have been drinking. It becomes interesting to say the least. Now when we add Rose to the mix……"

Jasper nodded. "Emmett, you have no clue what you are about to experience tonight."

Just then the women joined us on the deck, each one holding one of Alice's signature lemon drops. Rather large ones too. Bella came over and wrapped her arm around my waist. I eyed her drink and asked, "Have you eaten anything yet?"

Bella smiled and took a big sip. "Nope." She gave me a quick kiss and wandered back over to where Rose and Alice were sitting. They pulled their chairs in a circle and proceeded to talk in low voices that were interspersed with fits of giggles.

Emmett watched them, a wary look coming over his face when Rose gave him a very mischievous look. "Um, guys……I think you are right. We are in trouble."

Jasper smacked him upside the head. "Thanks for cluing in dumbass. We told you. You had to set them off."

Emmett rubbed the back of his head absentmindedly as he sipped his beer. "Me? What did I do?"

Jasper looked to me to explain. "Emmett I would think you would know by now not to taunt your sister, especially if she's going to be drinking. You are in for a war of words later, I guarantee it. She will make you pay, somehow."

Emmett looked back over and Bella smiled at him sweetly and then flipped him off. Jasper and I busted up and Emmett just groaned. The girls stayed deep in conversation while we cooked the burgers. Once they were done the first lemon drops were gone as well. I was glad that Bella would be eating with her next one, because I knew there would be a next one. We decided it was nice enough to eat outside and Bella sat down next to me at the table, planting a quick kiss on my cheek. "Hi baby."

I eyed her but gave her a smile. "Hi love. What kind of trouble are you girls plotting?"

"Oh, nothing." Bella popped a potato chip in her mouth. "Why would you think that?"

"Because I know you, and I know my sister."

Bella looked across the table at Alice and Rose, "Girls, Edward and the guys think we are up to something." Alice and Rose let out fake gasps of shock.

Rose rubbed the back of Emmett's neck. "Em, you don't think I'm doing that do you?" Emmett's eyes grew wide as he shook his head.

"Um, no?" Bella snickered hearing the uncertainty in her brother's answer.

Alice turned to Jasper and gave him a big smile. "Jazz……clearly you are over thinking things. We were just having a fun time talking."

Jasper narrowed his eyes at Alice. "About what? There was an awful lot of giggling going on."

The women all exchanged glances before they broke into laughter. Jasper rolled his eyes. "See, that's what I was talking about Alice."

Bella set her burger down and thought for a moment. "We were discussing vocabulary terms."

I put one hand on her thigh and she looked over. "Are you going to share what you were talking about?"

"Eventually. All good things to those who wait." Bella sipped her drink again before licking the sugared rim and winking at me. I felt a tightening in my groin and cursed internally. That statement just confirmed my suspicions.

Conversation turned towards Emmett and Rose's approaching wedding. It sounded like everything was coming together and naturally it led to discussing our wedding plans. The guys and I sat there nursing our beers and listening to them talk about flowers and colors. A few times Emmett rolled his eyes at me and I fought a laugh.

We decided we would handle clean up and brought everything inside and started taking care of what had to be put away now. A loud burst of laughter came from outside and we exchanged looks. Especially because it was followed by giggles and a lot of whispering. We couldn't see where they were on the deck from the kitchen, but we could sure hear them. When certain words began to float in through the open window Jasper almost dropped his beer.

"Did I just hear Alice say something about masturbation??" His eyes shot over to the sliding door and back to us.

I groaned. "Yes, and then Bella said something about erections."

Emmett plugged his ears a moment. "My little sister…..fuck Cullen you have corrupted her."

Before I could answer Jasper jumped in. "Actually Alice did far more before Edward met Bella, Edward just finessed the corruption."

Rose's yell broke into our conversation, "Pink taco? Oh my God are you kidding?"

Emmett's eyes shot to mine. "I think we better get out there and see what they are up to." Jasper and I nodded in agreement. Grabbing our beers we went back outside. There was nothing, absolutely nothing that could have prepared us for what we found.

The girls were in the hot tub, completely naked presumably since the bubbles hid everything, their clothes and underwear were strewn everywhere. They were laughing hysterically and then Bella saw we had returned. "Hello boys. Are you going to join us?"

My eyes about fell out of my head, and a quick sidelong glance and Emmett and Jasper confirmed they were equally shocked. "Bella, I thought we were going to watch a movie next?"

Bella waved her hand dismissively. "Change of plans. You guys can still go watch one if you want." Alice and Rose giggled. "I on the other hand think the better entertainment will be out here."

I looked to Emmett and Jasper. They were still absorbing the fact that their women were naked in the tub. I cleared my throat and they looked over. "Well? Do we join them?"

Jasper laughed low. "I certainly think we shouldn't leave them unsupervised at this point."

"Hell no we shouldn't," Emmett chimed in.

We stripped down to our boxers, prompting hooting and wolf whistles from the girls. I rolled my eyes at Bella as I climbed in next to her. She immediately moved over and cuddled into my side, her breast pressing into my upper arm. "Hey sexy," she whispered in my ear.

"Hello trouble," I replied. Bella just smiled and leaned her head on my shoulder.

Emmett wrapped one arm around Rosalie's shoulder. "So what were you all laughing so hard at out here? It sounded like you were talking about something naughty."

Bella snickered next to me and Alice grinned before she shared, "We were listing off all the words or phrases we could think of for masturbation, or vagina, or penis."

There was a moment of silence before Emmett said, "You were what?"

Rosalie rubbed her hand over his chest. "A vocabulary contest. You know, sayings like purple headed yogurt slinger."

I about choked on my beer, Emmett's jaw dropped, and Jasper looked like a deer in headlights. The girls clearly enjoyed the reaction Rose's statement had made so they began listing off more in turn. I could not believe my ears at some of the things they came up with.

Alice suggested, "Playing with the man in the boat?"

Rose answered, "Evicting testicular squatters."

"I love that one," Bella said before she thought for a second, "Jilling off."

"Ooh, equal opportunity, I like that Bella," Alice clapped her hands. "Applying lip gloss."

Rose nodded her approval. "The two finger taco tango."

"I've got one!" Bella shouted. "Playing the clitar." That one earned high fives and cheers from Alice and Rose.

Finally Emmett interrupted their stream of synonyms, "Summoning the semen demon." The girls broke into hysterics. Jasper and I couldn't help but laugh at this point. "Damn you girls have dirty minds."

Rose kissed Emmett on the shoulder. "And this surprises you how? You knew I did."

Emmett pointed over at Bella. "Yeah, but I don't like to think that my little sister does. Or that she knows anything about…….that." He made a vague jacking off gesture.

Bella splashed some water towards her brother. "You can't even say it Emmett? Mas-tur-bat-ion." She dragged out the word for emphasis. "You don't like that I know about it, have done it, or that I know phrases like paddling the pink canoe or flogging your log. Hypocrite."

Emmett shuddered. "Ah come on Bella, you are going to make my ears bleed. Edward help me out here. You don't like hearing your little sister say those things right?"

I shook my head. "I try to ignore it as best I can." Although ignoring Bella saying things like that right next to me was definitely impossible. Bella knew it was affecting me too because she was rubbing my thigh under the water. Her fingers kept creeping higher up my leg and closer to my erection.

Alice frowned at me. "Edward, don't be such a prude."

I was about to protest but Bella beat me to it. "Alice, Edward is definitely not a prude. I could tell you stories……" Her voice drifted off and she blushed before giggling.

Alice, the alcohol clearly causing her to forget she hated it when Bella gave her too much information, started to bounce with excitement. Jasper was quick to put his hands on her shoulders to prevent her from coming up too high out of the water and showing us anything. "Spill Bella. Hottest place you have done it."

Bella shook her head. "Nope, not until you tell me how you got the nickname Sparks."

Jasper started chuckling and Alice slugged him in the chest. I ran my hands through my hair and looked at Bella. "I don't know if I want to know that."

Bella grinned at me. "Plug your ears then. I want to know. If Alice wants to know hottest place, then I want some dirt in return." She gestured over at Alice. "She's blushing….this has to be good."

Alice closed her eyes shut tight and took a deep breath. "It has to do with breath mints."

Bella and Rose watched her eagerly. Alice stalled and Jasper murmured in her ear, "You tell them or I will darlin'."

Alice's eyes shot open and she glared at Jasper. "Fine!" She picked up her drink and took a big swallow. "One night Jasper was chewing on a wintergreen breath mint in the dark when we were messing around on the bed. I was laughing about the sparks I could see. Well then things got a little more…….intimate. I discovered that certain oral activities were more intense for me if he ate one of those first."

I groaned and rubbed my forehead. Bella and Rose responded simultaneously, "Really?"

Jasper nodded. "So that was why I gave her the nickname Sparks, because when she tells me she wants to see sparks and I know what she wants."

"Hmmm." Emmett was clearly pondering this bit of information. "Have you ever reversed that action?" I cringed when Alice just nodded. "Thumbs up or down Jazz?"

Jasper laughed. "Two very enthusiastic thumbs up."

Alice pointed over at Bella. "Enough about that. Your turn missy. Now I want two pieces of information. What does Triple C mean, and hottest place you two have done it."

"What? Why Triple C?" I asked. "How come you don't want to know what Triple B means?"

Alice grinned. "Bella already told me that earlier tonight."

Bella gave me a sheepish look. "Sorry love. But Alice did answer my questions. I have to answer hers." Then she gestured to Rose. "After that Alice and I get to ask Rose something. Rose had been laughing over the conversation, but immediately stopped when she heard that. Bella leaned up to whisper in my ear, "Besides, your nickname is nothing but flattering."

I couldn't argue with that. I had to admit I was curious what Bella would say was the hottest place we had done it. "Alright, but I think the hottest place should be a question everyone has to answer."

Bella shrugged, "Works for me. Okay, so the nickname I have for Edward, Triple C." Bella paused and giggled. "It means Colossal Cock Cullen."

Emmett and Jasper's jaws dropped. Alice and Rose glanced at me, Alice raising an eyebrow. "Well he is my brother, so I would have to say that the few times we have accidentally seen one another, that is an accurate assessment."

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. It was bad enough for Bella to tell what it meant. Having my little sister back it up was a whole new level of uncomfortable for me. "Okay let's move on to the next question, please."

Bella's hand slid up and lightly she gripped me through my boxers. "Alright Triple C. Hottest place……up against his office wall in the barn."

I growled a little under my breath remembering that time. Bella heard me and gave me a slight squeeze.

Alice nodded. "I'll bet. What about you Rose?"

Rose thought a moment. "I would have to say after school hours over his desk."

Both Bella and Alice cheered at that one. Emmett grinned and shook his head. Everyone turned to Alice waiting for her answer. I took a long drink from my beer. If this kept up I was going to need more alcohol to continue hearing my sister's sexual exploits with Jasper. "The time we did it in the park at night, on the merry go round." There were some oooh's from the girls at that confession. "Okay Edward, your turn."

Bella looked at me expectantly. "Well, I would have to pick the night of the Halloween party," I said with a grin.

Alice smiled knowingly, "Ah yes, the couldn't even wait to get home fuck in the car?"

My eyes shot to Bella who blushed and said, "Um that may have come out at Thanksgiving."

I thought back to that night. "When all you women were in the kitchen……with my mother?" The last part hit me and I shuddered. "Fabulous."

"Fabulously hot though my love." Bella raised her eyebrows at me and whispered in my ear. "Remember, who do you belong to?"

I chuckled and grinned at her, remembering how she said that to me in the car that night. "Oh you know the answer to that question already. Alright Emmett…..your turn to share."

Emmett leaned back and cracked his knuckles. "That's easy, the first time I met Rose wearing only my tool belt, except I now call it my toy belt, if you get my meaning." Rosalie started giggling and Alice and Bella joined her. "Oh that's right," Emmett rolled his eyes. "As I recall that also came out at Thanksgiving."

Rosalie raised her hand, "Guilty as charged."

All eyes turned to Jasper, who was looking a little nervous at this point. "Okay, well it is hard to choose, but there was a recent kitchen encounter….." He let his voice drift off and Alice kissed his shoulder.

I pointed at Alice, "This is all the fault of your lemon drops my dear sister. You women are nothing but trouble when you are all drinking. This is when I learn way more about your sex life than I want to."

Alice stuck her tongue out at me. "Bella started it, you just weren't out here to see it."

I turned to look at Bella who cuddled into my shoulder, her fingers drifting higher up my thigh again. "I will admit the vocabulary contest was my idea." She shrugged, "I had no idea you men had so many terms for masturbation."

Emmett laughed. "Oh you didn't even touch on the really good ones. I could list dozens."

Bella's eyes lit up. "Care to take a challenge big brother." Shit, this couldn't be good, but it would be entertaining.

Emmett leaned forward, "Bring it little sister."

"Let's see how many you can come up with in a minute." Bella grinned and grabbed her watch from by the hot tub.

"For jacking off, no problem. Sit back ladies. I'm about to wow you with my expansive list, compiled over the years."

Jasper and I chuckled while the girls all eagerly waited for Bella to give Emmett the signal to go.

"Three, two, one….GO!"

Emmett took a deep breath, "Beating your meat, wrist aerobics, freeing your dick fish in the gene pool, choking the chicken, emptying your sex pistol, whacking the weasel, giving Ms. Palm and her five sisters a ride on the meat train, glazing the donut, spanking up a batch of baby batter, letting out the bulimic one eyed monster, jerking your Johnson, playing the flesh flute, rubbing the unicorn's horn, bonging your schlong, test firing the meat missile, draining the one eyed monster, filling the bellybutton well, making vanilla jizz shakes, pounding your pud, jizzlobbing……"

"Time!" Bella yelled. Emmett gasped for air while the rest of us lost it. I was shaking my head as I laughed. I hadn't heard half of those. Bella giggled and looked at Emmett. "Are you sure you didn't make some of those up?"

"Are you sure you weren't raised by longshoremen or bikers is a better question. Jesus dude." Jasper stared at Emmett in disbelief.

Emmett made an X on his chest. "Cross my heart Bellabedonkadonk, all ones I've heard. And no Jasper. In fact our Dad gave me a couple of those."

Bella plugged her ears a moment. "La la la……I do not want to know which ones." I rubbed her shoulders as she cringed.

We sat there for a while discussing some of the weirder ones in Emmett's list. It was getting late and everyone was starting to agree it was time to get out. I went indoors to grab three large towels for the women. Each of us helped them out and swiftly wrapped them up, keeping our eyes on our respective girls only. Bella tucked the towel snugly and smiled up at me. "We need to come back out here…..soon."

"Agreed." I gave her butt a little spank as she walked in the house ahead of me. Alice put one arm around Bella's shoulders.

"This was a lot of fun Bella. We all should get together more often."

Bella nodded. "Especially if you are making lemon drops."

Emmett, Jasper and I protested that suggestion which just made our women laugh. Bella said goodnight to everyone and headed upstairs. Once I saw everyone out and made sure the house was locked up, I followed her. I found her brushing her teeth. "You were nothing but trouble tonight missy."

Bella paused, toothbrush still in her mouth, muffling her, "Me?"

I stripped out of my boxers and started drying off more. "Yes you. Lemon drops and you make for a very naughty Bella. If Alice makes those again I'll have to keep a closer eye on you."

Spitting in the sink Bella giggled. "You love it when I'm naughty." She wiped her mouth and turned to look at me.

"Never said I didn't. But you know what happens to naughty women with no restraint?" I wrapped the towel around me and went to brush my teeth.

Bella blushed a little and bit her lower lip before grinning at me. "No…..what?"

"You are about to find out."

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**Uh oh......methinks Bella is about to get a lesson, and not in dressage......and yes I will start the next chapter with that :) Oh and I changed a couple lines but let me make this clear......Girls under bubbles, nothing visible, guys in boxers, guys did not look at girls when they were getting wrapped up in towels etc. In short...NO, the siblings did not see each other naked. I just wanted to clarify for those who were wondering.  
**

**Review please....it will help me get through the hell that is my next two weeks. Oh and after school is over, I will be posting a new story that is only going to be three chapters. It's my first Vampward story, and I think you will all LOVE it. Reviews earn you a teaser from that.....**

Oh and I'm up for best author in The Silent Tear Awards, thank you to all who nominated me. Please go vote for me....

http://silent-tear-awardsDOTwebsDOTcom/voteDOThtm


	7. Chapter 7

**Okay, so I fully admit I am not getting nearly as much writing down as I wanted to this summer. RL has been a little rough still. However am working on the next RTW chapter. Also if you haven't seen my little 3 chapter Victorian Vampward story, Balconi, Braccialetti e Fidanzamenti (Balconies, Bracelets and Betrothals) check it out. Chapter 3 of that one should go up today. It was a plot bunny I could not ignore.**

**So, I've been told by GrayMatters Fanfiction, who perused this for me, that this chapter deserves a minimum 3 shamwow warning, so you have been warned.**

_Twilight character names belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. The intellectual property including but not limited to, all characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds, and details belong to Iadorepugs. Plagiarism is theft so please no copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization. Thank you_

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_**Chapter 7**

**EPOV**

_And you know she's got a dirty little mind  
The way she walks  
The way she grooves  
I have to strap her down to keep up with her moves  
And you know she's got a dirty little mind_

_Jackyl ~ Dirty Little Mind_

Bella's eyes grew wide as I stood there staring at her with a little smirk on my face. "So I hope you are ready to deal with the consequences. Are you ready Bella?"

Bella fought a smile, "I can handle whatever you dish out Cullen."

I raised an eyebrow. "Are you challenging me on top of everything else? I'm not sure how wise that is love." I was a little buzzed still, but not as much as Bella was.

Bella walked backwards towards the bed. She stopped there and dropped her towel. Beckoning to me with a look of mischief, "Bring it Cullen."

I shook my head as I reached into a bathroom drawer to grab an item I had been waiting for a few months now to use. I strolled over to her casually with my arms behind my back. Bella watched me carefully to see what I was up to. "Last chance to say something that might make me take it easier on you."

Bella of course was not going to back down and I knew it. "Quit stalling. If you don't have the….." Bella looked down where my erection was visible through the towel. "Well you do have those, so I guess if you don't have the guts….."

I grabbed Bella around the waist and tossed her back on the mattress, quickly straddling her and pinning her down. Bella shrieked and started giggling as she attempted to squirm out from under me. I used my knees to trap her arms against her sides. "Uh uh uh. You aren't going anywhere." I brought the vetwrap out from behind my back and started unrolling it. Bella froze for a second, watching as I stretched the fabric between my hands. I winked at her. "You have no idea what I'm going to do to you Bella. I will tell you that by the time I'm done, you won't be able to move, and it won't be because of the vetwrap."

Bella gasped and instantly her breathing picked up. I watched her eyes darken as her pupils dilated with excitement. I had been waiting for the right night to pull this off, and it was finally here.

I reached under one leg at a time, taking both her wrists in one hand. I wrapped the vetwrap around her wrists several times before tearing it with my teeth. I slid a finger under to make sure it wasn't too tight. Then I took a section of the fabric and tied her wrist binding to the headboard. Either one of us could easily tear the vetwrap quickly to get her unbound if we needed to. I ran both hands down her arms as I sat back. "Perfect. I think I like you like this."

I moved down and sat on one leg while I wrapped her ankle and attached her to the bedpost. I repeated it on the other side. I slid off the end of the bed and looked over her. My gaze raked up her body slowly, taking in how exposed she was to me. When our eyes met I could see Bella was a little nervous being displayed like that, so I knew I needed to reassure her. "Do you know how beautiful you look right now? I could stand here and just look at you for hours, if I actually had the restraint to not touch you. However, I have no restraint, especially tonight." I walked around the side of the bed and finally took my towel off. I climbed up and lay down beside her. I made sure our bodies were close, but not touching.

"Just to make sure, are you okay with where this is headed?" I reached up and stroked the side of her face.

"Yes," Bella whispered.

"Just say the word halter if you get nervous, and I'll stop whatever I'm doing."

Bella raised an eyebrow. "I won't need to, but okay." The look of challenge was back and it made me smile.

I started with just one finger, and I let it trail all over her body slowly. I followed the lines of her shoulders, the curve of her waist, down her legs, over and over. Bella started to wiggle a little every time I came near her breasts or between her legs. She was going to have a bit of a wait for that.

I straddled her again and used the tip of my tongue to follow the same pathways. Bella gasped and wiggled a little harder. I nipped her hip and she let out a little whimper. It was not going to be hard to get her level of arousal ramped up to where I wanted it.

I kissed the inside of her knee while I rubbed my palms over and under her thighs. With what I knew was an evil grin, I moved over her body and pressed my weight down into her. I made sure my erection was just touching her leg, out of reach of where she wanted it.

"Edward…." Bella groaned and pulled on her restraints.

I kissed up her neck before I sucked hard on the skin under her ear. Bella groaned louder and tried to shift her body into mine. I leaned back and looked at the little bruise showing where my mouth had just been. "Hmm. I kind of like seeing that mark on you. One that I made. I think you need a couple more."

My lips roamed down her body to the top of her right breast and I sucked there too. Then I slid down to right below her bellybutton and gave her a hickey there too. I sat back and admired Bella, who was trying to look down her body to see what I had done. "I think three hickeys is enough, for now." I winked at her and then lay next to her again.

"Now what?" Bella panted.

I set one hand over her breast, just cupping it. "That's for me to know and you to find out." My hands began to rub over every inch over her skin. Bella closed her eyes as her head fell back against the pillows.

"I want to touch you too Edward….."

"If you are good, and follow instruction, I'll let you do that in a bit." I turned her to face me and kissed her softly. Bella tried to take over and I pulled back. "No love. This is my show." I leaned in again and Bella's mouth relaxed under mine. I could sense her impatience with my slow kiss, but she held herself in check. I ran my tongue over her lower lip. "That's better." That was when I let her have the kiss she wanted. My mouth took hers firmly as I slid my tongue in next to hers. Bella moaned but let me continue to direct the kiss. I nipped her upper lip and she shivered.

I let my lips trail down her neck to her breasts. I hovered over one nipple, just breathing on it. Bella started to arch towards me but I gave her a look and she stopped. "Good. You need to learn some control my love." I kept my eyes locked on hers as I sucked her nipple into my mouth, feeling it harden under my ministrations. I moved from one to the other, rolling them under my tongue, nipping them, sucking them. Bella was unable to lie still anymore underneath me, but I let her arch into me. She was whispering my name repeatedly and it sounded like music to me.

I moved and lay down on my stomach between her legs. I set my chin on her belly and gazed up at her. "Would you like me down here now Bella? If you ask nicely, I might consider it."

Bella's eyes were a mix of sexual frustration and desire. I could tell she was trying to find a way to request what she wanted without demanding. "Please Edward, I would like your mouth on me down there please."

I looked down and back up at her. "Down here?"

Bella gritted her teeth. "Yes please."

I couldn't resist clarifying once more. I wasn't sure what had gotten into me tonight, but I was having too much fun with this. Although I knew Bella's retribution later for this torture would be monumental. "Down here, on your pussy?"

Bella's fingers gripped the headboard above her head at my words. "Yes on my pussy, please Edward."

"Alright then." I slid my arms underneath her thighs so that I was able to tilt her hips up slightly. I blew lightly on her skin, smiling to hear Bella groan in response. "Mmmm, you look so good Bella." I ran my tongue up her folds lightly once. I paused and waited until Bella looked back down. "Just making sure I have your attention love."

"Trust me, you do."

I licked her again slowly, grasping her hips to slow her squirming. I took my time kissing and running my tongue over every inch of her, except her clit. Finally I flicked it with my tongue and Bella cried out as she tried to arch up against my mouth.

"Edward…..you're killing me."

"Mmmm," was my only reply. I started sucking her clit softly, feeling her body tense and her breathing hitch as she came to the edge of her orgasm. As soon as she was there I backed off and kissed her inner thighs. Bella groaned and I smiled to myself. I ran my hands up and down her body once before I brought my mouth back where she wanted it.

"Don't stop…please." Bella's voice was begging with me.

"Well, I'll think about that." Bella's head came up off the pillow long enough to give me a pleading look. The look did me in. I wrapped my lips around her clit and sucked hard and Bella lost it.

"Oh my GOD!" I sat back and watched her writhe against her ties as the orgasm wracked through her. As she came down I lay down next to her, placing on hand over her heart.

"Boy your heart is pounding Bella."

Bella rolled her head on the pillow to look at me, her eyes half open. "Gee, I wonder why."

I smirked at her. "I have a suspicion, but I need to test my theory." I started moving back down her body and Bella just stared at me. I slid one finger in her and Bella moaned. "My goodness you are awfully wet down here." I looked up at her. "I'm going to make you even wetter." I added a second finger and moved them slowly in and out.

"Edward….." Bella whispered. "I need to touch you…."

"Soon enough love, soon enough." I started flicking her clit lightly since she was still sensitive after her first orgasm. My fingers kept working in and out, curling up into her G-spot every now and then. Each time they did Bella would moan my name. It didn't take very long before she was rocking her hips into my hand, straining up trying to find more contact.

Bella's breathless voice reached my ears, "I can't….Edward…..too much."

"Yes you can and no it's not." I varied my touch and speed so that there was never a set pattern. "You are going to come again, and you are going to come hard. And who is going to make you come love?"

"You are….oh shit."

Bella's body was wound tight on the brink of her next orgasm. I kept her teetering there lost in sensations that had her repeating my name over and over. I added a third finger and twisted my hand. Looking up I watched Bella as I curled them up into her G-spot again, her fingers were wrapped so tightly around the headboard that her knuckles were turning white.

I kissed her clit softly. "Come Bella…..now," I whispered against her skin as I plunged my fingers hard into her.

"Fuck!" cried Bella as her body seized down around my fingers. I pressed my thumb against her clit to drag out her release as long as I could. She collapsed back onto the bed panting and limp. I reached down and unfastened her ankles. I kissed my way up her body and unfastened her wrists. Taking her hands off the headboard I massaged them before I put one hand over her heart again.

"It seems I was right about the heart rate." I wrapped one arm around Bella and pulled her into me. She sighed and flopped her arm around my waist. "You okay?"

"Mmmhmm," was the only response I got and I smiled.

"Because you know I'm not done with you yet." I lifted Bella's leg a little and slid my erection between her thighs. Pulling her warm and sweaty body tighter into me before I rubbed my hand over her bottom.

"Mmmhmm, I know." Bella kissed the center of my chest as she tilted her hips into mine. "You're so hard Edward," she whispered as she slid against me.

"Well it's entirely your fault." I whispered back in her ear.

We lay there slowly moving against one another. Bella started kissing her way up my chest, over my collarbone, pausing to nip me there. I let out a groan and held her too me tighter. "Still my show love."

"You're sure about that Edward?" Bella was returning to her teasing tone from earlier.

I flipped her so she was under me on her stomach. "Yes, I am." I sat back a little and rubbed my hands over her back, massaging her muscles from her shoulders down. Bella almost purred as she pressed into my touch. I parted her thighs, teasing her with my erection. Bella moaned and tried to shift to take me in, but I moved out of reach.

"Edward, I need you."

"I'm right here love." I kissed the nape of her neck, enjoying the feel of her body under mine.

"No, inside, I need you inside me." Bella looked back at me over her shoulder. "Please?"

Truthfully I was at my breaking point as it was. I thrust into her with one move, muttering "Fuck" against her shoulder as she surrounded me. I slid one arm under her and rolled us onto our sides without pulling out. Bella reached back and wrapped her arm around my neck as she pressed back into me.

My hand slid up and grasped her breast, caressing it. Our tempo slowed as I ran my lips up her neck. I brought my leg over hers, holding her to me snug as I wrapped my body around hers. Bella turned her head and her mouth sought mine out. I was driving into her deep but deliberately at a leisurely pace. Our tongues tangled the same way, stroking and seeking each other out.

Bella moaned into my mouth as my other hand slid down her body, pressing my fingers firmly into her clit. Our kisses became shorter and more scattered as I thrust into her harder. Bella's fingernails dug into the back of my head and I growled a little.

"Edward…." Bella rolled her head back against my shoulder. "God like that….."

I grasped her breast harder and Bella pressed into my hand. "You're going to come again for me aren't you?"

"Yes." She moaned as she ground back into me. I could tell by the way Bella was trying to move her hips faster back into me she was getting close again. "I need to hear you Edward…talk to me."

"Mmmm, I can do that." I moved my mouth over her ear, my voice gritty and low in her ear. "Do you want to hear how hot and wet you are around me? Or how I can feel your muscles fluttering still around me?"

"Shit." Bella was breathing hard and her hands were grasping for my arms now, trying to find something to hold onto.

"Feel how fucking hard you make me Bella, I'm so close love." I nipped her earlobe. "I love you….the moment you come and scream my name I'm going to lose it."

"God….Edward!" Bella's body stiffened as her climax hit, her voice a hoarse shout.

"Jesus Christ….there Bella!" I drove into her as I pulled her hips tightly back into me. My orgasm shook me and I groaned as it rippled through my body. For several minutes we remained limply pressed into each other, panting and shaking.

"Love you Edward," Bella murmured sleepily and then sighed.

"Love you too. You okay with everything?" I meant in general with the experimentation we had done tonight and she knew it.

"Yes….and next time I get to run the vet wrap." She giggled softly and we fell asleep within moments.

I woke up in the middle of the night to find we were still wrapped up how we were when we drifted off. Somehow we had managed never to end up under the covers and it was Bella's shivering that had roused me from sleep. I sat up slightly and pulled the comforter up over us. Bella rolled and draped her arm over my chest, snuggling instantly back into me. Hallie jumped up on the foot of the bed and after kneading at our feet for a few moments, curled up there. I smiled to myself as I closed my eyes, grateful, for everything.

The next day flew by with the usual chores. Jake was coming by in the afternoon to check on Mimosa, so Bella and I were trying to get everything done before he arrived. Bella was just putting the last horse in from pasture when Jake pulled in. I grabbed Mimosa and brought her out into my aisle way. Jake sauntered in with his usual grin. "Hey Edward, how is everything?"

"Good, great actually. How are things with you?"

"Excellent. Ready to get this show on the road?" Jake set up his equipment and looked at me expectantly.

"Yeah, we just need….." I peeked over my shoulder, "here she is now."

Bella smiled as she joined us. "Talking about me?"

I rubbed her shoulder. "Just that we weren't starting without you."

"I should hope not." Bella moved closer to Jake so she could watch.

Jake gloved up and grabbed the wand. "Well let's just see how things are doing in there." He slid his arm in and watched the screen until he had the image he wanted. "There we go."

Bella leaned forward to look at the screen. Jake started by pointing out the now very obvious heartbeat. He turned the speaker on so we could hear the sound of the beating. "Here's the spine, this end is the head, and four legs. Looks perfect." He took a couple measurements on the screen. When Jake shifted his arm in Mimosa, we could see the fetus move and kick its legs slightly. "Feisty little bugger," Jake chuckled. "Size looks right on target. I'll pull some blood to check hormone levels but I'm very pleased."

Jake looked over and his face instantly went from a smile to one of dismay as he looked at Bella. I couldn't see her face and before I could turn her to face me Bella choked out, "Excuse me," and ran from the barn.

I felt like the world's biggest moron. "Shit. I didn't consider that. I am an ass."

"Consider what Edward?" Jake took his glove off and looked back over his shoulder in the direction Bella had run.

I put Mimosa back into her stall. "Bella had an ectopic pregnancy in February. We didn't know she was pregnant until it almost ruptured her tube. She had to have emergency surgery too," I took a deep breath, feeling the ache flair in my chest.

Jake nodded and put his hand on my shoulder. "The pregnancy couldn't be saved."

"No."

Jake took Mimosa's halter from my hand. "I can get the blood I need on my own. Go find Bella."

"Thanks Jake." I headed for the house assuming she went there. I called her name and searched all the rooms, but Bella was nowhere to be found.

I felt a little rush of fear. I pulled out my cell phone and called her but it went straight to voice mail. Shit again. I sent her a text.

_Love where are you, I'm worried._

I walked out onto the deck from the dent and stood there a moment. Her car was still here so I knew Bella hadn't driven off. Thank God for that. Then it came to me the other place I might find her. I walked over to her old apartment and tried the door, finding it unlocked. Bella was here and I knew exactly where I would find her.

I entered her old bedroom and she was curled up on her Grandma's quilt sobbing quietly into the pillow. I slipped my shoes off and climbed up behind her, surrounding her with my arms. Bella rolled over and buried her face in my chest.

"Shh. It's okay love." I rubbed her back. "I'm sorry I didn't even consider that Mimosa's ultrasound today might upset you."

"I didn't know it would," Bella whispered. "I feel like an idiot."

I kissed her temple. "You most certainly aren't an idiot."

Bella peered up at me, her face streaked with tears and more spilling from her eyes. "Edward, I'm jealous of a goddamn horse. That is idiotic." She pressed her face back into my chest.

"Love, not it's not. But I promise you our time will come. For now try to be a little easier on yourself for how you feel. You cannot help it. Your heart is your heart." Bella nodded but said nothing as her tears soaked through my shirt. "I love that you feel things so passionately Bella, good or bad."

Bella just nodded silently again. Her fingers were gripping my upper arms as she tried to slow her breathing. "What did you tell Jake?"

I sighed. "I told him the truth Bella. You don't have to worry about Jake. He's not going to tell anyone. He was more concerned that I come find you."

"I'm not worried about Jake. I just wanted to know if he thought I was an utter loon or not."

I rubbed her back. "Jake doesn't think you are. I guarantee it."

Bella's tears had eased and she was quiet as she lay against me. "Tired?" I placed a couple kisses on the top of her head.

Bella's voice was a little rough from her crying. "A little. I suppose I should get a grip and go feed dinner."

"We have a few more minutes to relax here. Then I'll come help you."

Finally we got up and Bella went to wash her face. I waited in the kitchen for her and hand in hand we walked back out to the barn. Jake had left a note just reassuring us he'd gotten Mimosa's blood sample and he'd be in touch with the results in the next couple days.

Bella was starting to smile again by the time we were done feeding. I found her down by Aston's stall treating him to an apple. "Spoiling him even more? At this rate Aston is going to shun me completely."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Whatever. You know you are and always will be his favorite."

I wrapped my arms around her waist. "I don't know. I think that like me he has developed a bit of a soft spot when it comes to you."

Bella snickered. I looked down at her, "What?" She just broke into harder giggles.

"Miss Swan, would you care to tell me what you find so amusing?"

Bella looked up at me, a glint of mischief in her eyes. "I was just thinking you never develop anything soft when it comes to me."

I raised an eyebrow. "That's what you were thinking?" Bella nodded. "Naughty girl." I gave her butt a swat as we headed back to the house.

That evening after dinner we were in the den. Bella had fallen asleep cuddled up against me in the papasan. I looked down and watched her for few moments. Her left hand was lightly gripping part of my t-shirt. I carefully pulled it out of her fingers and looked at her engagement ring. Every time I caught a glimpse of it my mind would flash back to the night I proposed.

Bella stirred and blinked up at me. "What time is it?"

"Bedtime love. You've been asleep at least an hour as it is."

Bella sat up and looked at my watch. "Crap, I missed Deadliest Catch."

"Relax, I recorded it for you. You can watch it tomorrow. God forbid you miss your fix of crab fishermen." Bella loved that show for some reason. I liked it too, but Bella was bordering on addiction to it.

Bella got up and stretched. "Thank you for taping it."

"Well I didn't want to deal with the consequences. It's not like they never rerun half a dozen episodes during the week." I smirked when Bella stuck her tongue out at me.

"Oh hush up." She headed for the bedroom. By the time I got there she was already in bed and spread out in the middle. Her arm was draped over my pillow.

Stripped to my boxers I nudged her. "Slide over love, you are hogging the bed."

"Don't wanna." Bella opened one sleepy eye, "Make me."

I chuckled a little. Then I just lay down so half my body was on top of Bella's.

Bella wiggled out. "Hey, don't steamroller me."

"Take off eh, you knob!" I rolled further over trying to keep her trapped under me.

Bella was laughing now. "Quit it you hoser." She shoved at me several times before I moved off of her, laughing with her.

I flicked off the light while Bella straightened out the blankets back out. She crawled over and lay with her back to me. I pulled her into me and kissed her shoulder. "Love you hoser."

Bella snickered again. "Love you too."

Over the next few weeks things were great. Remington was sold and so we now had an empty stall. We shifted horses so that Mimosa's stall could be doubled. She would need the extra room when the foal came. Bella had never actually witnessed a foaling before, so she had been reading up on what to expect. I told her she had at least three months before she had to worry about that. All I got for that comment was a raised eyebrow and a couch pillow tossed at me. Still I thought it was cute to watch her reading with such a concentrated expression and even taking notes.

Bella was cooling Aston out after her lesson when I decided to break some surprising news to her. "Love, just so you know we have plans for next Saturday."

"Not tomorrow Saturday?"

I shook my head. "No a week from tomorrow."

Bella nodded. "Oh okay. What are we doing?"

"We are taking you and Aston to a schooling show."

Bella halted Aston and stared at me. "We are what?"

"Schooling show, you are riding Aston in Training Level Test one and two. I'm taking Masen along for the ride to give him some time in a show environment."

It was silent for several moments, too many moments in my mind. Bella finally spoke up quietly, "And you don't think to oh, I don't know…..ask me first?"

I walked over and looked up at her. "No because you would over think it and say no. This is no big deal. You don't even have to wear show clothes or braid Aston."

Bella rolled her eyes. "No big deal says the man who has shown Grand Prix."

"Love, I'm serious. This is just a chance to get you and Aston out in a non competitive environment and run through some tests. I'll call them for you. It will be like what we've already done here."

Bella hopped off Aston and threaded her stirrups up. "Oh yes, like here, except for the judge, other people watching…." I could tell she was clenching her teeth.

I put a hand on her shoulder and Bella promptly shrugged it off as she led Aston out of the arena. Oh boy, she was pissed. My timing may not have been ideal since she was tired from her lesson. Not to mention as Bella had eloquently said a day ago, 'hormonal as hell'. But I didn't want to spring it on her next Friday.

I sighed and followed her to the crossties to see if I could remedy the situation and reassure her.

**BPOV**

_I've lived, I've loved, I've lost, I've paid some dues, baby  
We've been to hell and back again  
Through it all you're always my best friend  
For all the words I didn't say and all the things I didn't do  
Tonight I'm gonna find a way_

_Bon Jovi ~ All About Loving You_

I fastened Aston's to the crossties muttering to him, "A week. A schooling show in a week. He's insane Aston." Aston nodded his regal head as if he was agreeing with me. In truth I knew he was just looking for his cookie.

I hung his bridle up and turned to see Edward blocking the tack room door. I stopped in front of him and just waited, knowing he had more to say.

Edward ran his hand through his hair. "Look Bella, I'm sorry if you are upset but you are definitely ready to do this. You know I wouldn't bullshit you."

I pushed past him and grabbed Aston's saddle. I knew I was being bitchy about the whole thing. But seriously? He couldn't have maybe discussed this with me prior, asked me what I thought. "Yes I know you wouldn't bullshit me Edward," I answered quietly. I tossed Aston's sweaty saddle pad into the laundry.

Edward was now leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. "You do still want to show this summer don't you Bella?"

I let out an exasperated sigh. Pulling my hair out of its messy braid I started to put it up into a ponytail. "Yes I do want to show this summer."

"Alright then. In order for you to do that this is step number one." He started me down from where he was standing, watching me closely.

I walked over and stood in front of him. "Fine. I'll go to this damn thing." I poked my finger at his chest. "But you have to promise me no more entering me without asking first."

Edward was fighting a smile and I wasn't sure what he thought was so funny. With a wink he said, "Don't I always ask before I enter you?"

It took me a second to catch his meaning. "Oh stop you perv. You know what I meant." I went to slap at his shoulder but he grabbed me up into a hug. I struggled against the rigid cage of his arms. "Let me go, I'm annoyed with you."

Edward just smiled and kissed the end of my nose. "I promise not to enter you in any shows without talking to your first, okay."

"You better not." I glared up at him. "Now will you let me go, I'd like to finish taking care of Aston."

"Are you still annoyed with me?" Edward smiled at me.

"I am until further notice….tread carefully Cullen." I ducked out of his arms and went back to Aston to brush him off.

Edward came over and silently started brushing with me. After a few minutes he asked, "So what level of groveling and ass kissing is it going to take for me to get back in your good graces? Or am I stuck here for awhile, prisoner of your hormones."

I narrowed my eyes and looked over Aston's back at him. "Well bringing up my hormones doesn't exactly win you brownie points. And I don't like you groveling, it doesn't suit you."

"There is nothing I can do then?" Edward looked at me through his eyelashes, unleashing the look he knows makes me weak in the knees. I grit my teeth and did my best to ignore it.

"No." I unfastened Aston and led him out. "I'm going to feed, I'll see you inside."

I could feel Edward's eyes on me as I walked away. I knew he was going to double his efforts now to win me over. If there was one thing Edward could not refuse, was a challenge. And I was providing him with one. My hormones were enjoying it too.

I took my time feeding and putting away the rest of the tack. When I walked in the house and wandered upstairs I could see Edward in the den flaked out on the couch watching something on ESPN. I cleaned up and pulled on some sweats before I joined him.

"Hi," Edward said, his eyes never leaving the screen. He didn't make room for me on the couch like usual, so I curled up in the papasan.

"Hi." Okay, this was not what I was expecting. I felt unsettled and uncomfortable. I wrapped my arms around my knees and watched him out of the corner of my eye. Had I gone too far with my grumpy act? "What are you watching?"

"Sportscenter."

Another one word answer. I was really confused now. "Oh, okay." I picked up one of the books I'd been perusing about foaling and attempted to read. I found myself reading the same paragraph over and over again. I was about to speak up and ask Edward what was wrong, when he got up.

"Pancakes okay for dinner?"

"Yes, pancakes would be wonderful." I offered him a small smile. Edward nodded and disappeared downstairs. I watched him go and felt at a loss. When he came back I was going to ask him what was up. Was he mad at me for being bitchy? I could hear him moving around in the kitchen. I finally set the book down since I was completely unable to concentrate on it. Closing my eyes I leaned my head back and tried to dissect the day and exactly what the hell I was going to do next.

"Bella?" I opened my eyes to see Edward standing over me with two plates. I reached up and took the one he offered me.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." Edward went and sat back on the couch. I sat up more and looked down at my pancakes. That was when my mouth fell open. On my plate were three heart shaped pancakes covered in strawberries and whipped cream. I stared at them a moment before I looked up to see Edward smiling at me.

"Get over here you." He patted the couch next to him. I stood up and slowly went over and sat down next to him. "More what you were expecting when you first came in?" There was a glint in his eye as he gave me my favorite crooked smile. I just continued to look at him trying to catch up. "Come on love, I know you are used to me coddling you when you are out of sorts. I have to keep you on your toes…..especially when you get that grumpy."

I remembered what Charlie had once said about not taking things that we did for one another for granted. "Thank you Edward. I do really appreciate all you do to take care of me. Even when I act in a way that doesn't deserve you spoiling me." I took his hand in mine. "I'm sorry I was such a witch today."

"It's all good love. You are welcome. Now eat your pancakes before they get cold." Edward picked up one of my strawberries and fed it to me with a wink.

I sat there with my legs folded under me, thanking the world for Edward with every bite I took. Once I was done I took his plate and mine and took them down to the kitchen. I quickly washed them, pondering the gentle reminder I had been given today about all I had. Truly I was a very lucky woman, in so many ways. I stalled and washed the pan Edward had used, trying to process my feelings.

A strong pair of arms snuck around my waist and Edward leaned his chin on my shoulder. "You are down here thinking too much, I can tell."

I chuckled. "True. No, I was just remembering all that I have to be grateful for. You being on the top of that list of course. I took you for granted today, and I should never do that."

Edward kissed the side of my neck. "You didn't do it on purpose. I've taken you for granted."

I dried my hands and turned in his arms. "When have you taken me for granted?"

Edward tilted his head and looked at me seriously. "Have I thanked you lately for all that you do at the barn? There are so many details that used to get lost in the shuffle, and I don't have to worry about them anymore. Because you take care of them. I don't walk into the tack room and find I don't have any clean saddle pads, or that I need to take time to trim bridle paths on any of the horses. It's always done, because you are there. I don't know what I would do without you. So thank you."

I blushed a little at his unexpected praise. "You're welcome." Edward leaned down and kissed me softly. "So, may I have a little snuggle time now please Edward?"

Edward laughed. "Absolutely."

The next couple days Edward and I ran over various pieces of the tests I would be riding. The closer it got to Saturday the more of a perfectionist I became. Edward would raise an eyebrow every time I'd tell him "I want to that one more time." A couple times he put his foot down and basically ordered me to dismount.

"Bella, this is a schooling show. If you get this worked up over a practice show…..God help us for an A-rated one. You are going to give yourself a nervous breakdown. Put away your Type A self and keep it locked down until Sunday."

I rolled my eyes. I had just gotten really frustrated when my tension had led to Aston picking up the wrong canter lead for the third time.

"Bella, breathe. You know Aston can read you like an open book. You are done for today, no arguments."

Friday morning I woke up early, really early. I lay in bed listening to Edward breathe slowly next to me. A glance at the windows told me it couldn't be much later than five-thirty in the morning. I slowly slid out from Edward's arm. I threw my clothes on and crept downstairs. The coffee pot read quarter to six as I stood there waiting for my caffeine. I grabbed a granola bar and headed out to the barn with my iPod in my pocket. I needed to occupy myself with something and tack cleaning sounded like the perfect activity.

A few horses stuck their heads outside their stalls, surprised to see me early. I ignored the few hopeful nickers asking for an early breakfast and parked myself in the tack room. My tense mood called for some heavy duty music, so Metallica it was. I normally don't have my iPod at the barn. It was a major safety issue when you are working around horses. However for tack cleaning it was just fine.

Starting with the saddles I cleaned and oiled two of those. Then I moved on to work on the bridles, unbuckling each piece so that no surface was missed. I was on my fourth bridle when a hand touched my shoulder.

I shrieked and spun, ripping my earbuds out. "Jesus Edward. You almost gave me a heart attack." Case in point for why wearing them around horses was a bad idea.

"Sorry, but I was a little worried when I woke up and you weren't there. Migraine?" It was then I noticed he was clad in sweats and a jacket. He had just pulled on the nearest clothes before he came outside.

"No, no migraine. Sorry, I didn't mean to worry you. I just couldn't sleep and was growing bored of staring at the ceiling." I gave him a little smile.

Edward sat down across from me on the bench I was straddling. "What time was that?" He picked up the clean bridle pieces and started fastening them back together.

"About five-thirty I guess. Anyway I decided I'd come down here and get productive if sleep wasn't going to happen."

Edward nodded, one eye on me. "Why couldn't you sleep?"

I shrugged, "I don't know." Edward gave me his full stare and just waited until the intensity of his look made me spill. "Fine, I think it's just nerves."

Edward sighed. "I remember that feeling."

I gave him a look of confusion. "You slept just fine before the last show."

"Bella, even though it wasn't my first show, I still get a little nervous. I meant I remember how stressed out I was my first real show season."

I must have still looked like I didn't believe him, so he elaborated. "Let's see, sleepless nights, snapping at my family, oh and throwing up the morning of my first show. That was fun."

I rubbed my stomach. "Don't give me any ideas."

Edward chuckled. "My point is it will become easier. And remember, this is just a what?"

"Schooling show," I muttered.

"I only have two requirements of you tomorrow. Stay on and stay in the ring. Anything after that is a bonus."

I laughed as he wagged his finger at me. "Alright. I think I can manage that."

"That's better. And if you find a way to sneak in a little enjoyment of the experience too I would love that even more."

"Don't get greedy now." I shook my finger back at him and hung up the reassembled bridle.

Edward took my hand. "Come back inside and get some breakfast."

I waved my granola bar at him. "I'm good. I'm going to go feed everyone. What's on the agenda for today?"

Edward stared at me for a moment and I could see the wheels turning in his head. "Well I'm going to help you with chores and then we are going to go do something not horse related."

"What?"

"We are going to go do something not horse related. So let's get going so we can change and go somewhere."

I looked at him like he might be a little bit crazy. "But tomorrow is the.."

Edward put one finger over my lips. "Exactly. And you need to unwind today. Instructor's orders."

I knew any argument that I might come up with would be pointless, so I just shook my head at him. We got to work on the chores and then went inside to change. "What am I dressing for? Are jeans fine?"

Edward peeked out from the bathroom. "Jeans are fine." He still hadn't told me what little plan he had up his sleeve. He grinned at me because he knew I hated it when he pulled a stunt like this.

When we got in his car he drove off with a little smile on his face, one hand on my thigh. I tried to pretend to be annoyed with him, but couldn't keep it up. Especially when he would occasionally pick up my hand and kiss the back of it. I looked over and took in the sight of him in his blue jeans and a casual button down shirt. He had the sleeves rolled up and the maroon color was really good on him. He caught me looking and just winked.

When we pulled into Seattle I looked over at him again hoping for a clue. "You'll know soon enough Bella." Damn mind reader.

Edward was right though, the moment we pulled into the parking lot for Woodland Park Zoo. "Oh my God. I haven't been to the zoo in…..I don't know when the last time was."

"Me neither. I was reading on the internet that they are letting some of the more recently born babies out today, and since it's a weekday, it won't be as crazy. I thought it might be fun to wander around and stare at something other than horses for a change."

Edward took my hand and once he had paid our admission and we were inside he turned to me, "Where first?"

"I don't know. So much has changed since I was here last." We decided we would go see the savannah animals first. We worked our way through the different areas of the zoo. The butterfly house was my favorite. I had never seen so many butterflies flying around me in my life. Edward took a picture of me looking at one that had landed on my shoulder. I smiled when he showed me he had made it my i.d. picture on his phone.

Reluctantly I let him lead me in the reptile house. I was never big on reptiles, or other creepy crawly things. The giant millipede made me gasp and bury my face in Edward's chest. He thought that was really funny. I smacked him in the shoulder for laughing at me.

The nocturnal house was cool though. I loved the big eyes on some of the animals there. Edward looked up at the bats hanging and stood behind me. Whispering in my ear he said, "I wonder if any of them are vampire bats." Then he nibbled the side of my neck and I broke into giggles.

We finished up in the new meerkat exhibit. I could watch them all day. It was amazing to watch their family dynamics. Edward just stood with his arms around me and watching me watch them. We had shared some ice cream earlier but as we stood there my stomach rumbled under his hands.

"I think someone is hungry. What do you say we go find some real food?"

I looked back at him. "Probably a good idea." Edward wrapped his arm around my waist and we left the zoo. When he opened my car door I grabbed his arm before he could walk away. "Thank you for today Edward."

"You, my love, are more than welcome." He gave me a swift kiss and a grin.

After a very late lunch we headed home. Edward and I stood in the tack room and gathered what we would need tomorrow and loaded it in the trailer so that we would be ready to go in the morning. This was one time Edward's practice at doing this was immensely helpful. I know if I had been left to my own devices I would've forgotten something.

I fed the horses while Edward brought in the ones that had been outside grazing for the day. I stood outside the barn staring at the horse trailer, not sure if I was hitting the point of being excited yet for tomorrow, or still just nervous.

We relaxed for the evening, and Edward insisted I take a bath because the hot water would help me relax. Then once we were both in bed he rubbed my shoulders for a little bit. Finally I tucked back into him with a sleepy sigh. He kissed my neck and after we whispered 'I love yous' I was out.

* * *

**Okay, so next chapter will be the show of course...please, make my day and review. Let me know what parts/lines you liked. And if you know where the steamroller/take off eh lines came from, I'll give you bonus points.**

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	8. Chapter 8

**Hello all...so here you go. Not as long as I wanted, but just the way it worked out. RL continues to be rough and that's why chapters aren't going up as fast or as consistently as I want them to. But I promise to keep them coming. (pun intended)**

**Thank you to everyone who voted in the Jumbo Awards. ASR won Best Romance. I really appreciate everyone who took the time to vote.**

**Also I do appreciate every review I get. I don't often get time to respond lately, but know that I read them, and try to answer when you have questions.**

**No shamwows this chapter...soooooorrrrrrrry. :)  
**

_Twilight character names belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. The intellectual property including but not limited to, all characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds, and details belong to Iadorepugs. Plagiarism is theft so please no copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization. Thank you_

**Chapter 8**

**BPOV**

'_Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do  
I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through  
So I wanna say thank you_

_'Cause it makes me that much stronger  
Makes me work a little bit harder  
It makes me that much wiser_

_Fighter ~ Christina Aguilera_

I rolled out of bed and felt my stomach do a small flip. Show day. Granted it was just a schooling show, but it was my first dressage show ever. I brushed my teeth with my eyes closed, trying to locate some center of focus to calm my nerves. But I found my hands were trembling just a bit as I pulled my breeches on. I was thankful that I didn't have to worry about the full out show ensemble. Black breeches and a button down shirt gave me the polished appearance necessary for today.

I wandered into the kitchen. Edward was already eating some breakfast, a cup of coffee sitting waiting for me at my place. I sat, took a couple sips and then pushed it away. My stomach just wasn't feeling up to it.

Edward watched me out of the corner of his eye. "I know you are going to say you can't, but you need to eat something. Even if it's just one piece of toast. You cannot ride on an empty stomach."

I nodded and tried sipping my coffee again. I didn't need to get a caffeine withdrawal headache today. I went and toasted half a bagel, covering it with peanut butter. I ate it slowly, chewing and waiting in between bites to make sure each one settled in my stomach okay.

"Nerves are really getting you this morning aren't they love?" Edward went to put his cereal bowl in the sink.

"Just a tad yes," I muttered, a bit annoyed with myself.

Edward came over and rubbed my shoulders slowly. "If this is going to turn you into a wreck, I won't take you."

I shook my head. "No, I'm doing this." I was not going to let my nerves get the better of me.

His fingers trailed up and down the side of my neck. "I knew you'd say that, but I had to offer."

I leaned back so I could look up at him. "You know me well."

After I finished my breakfast we headed down to the barn. Angela was there cleaning stalls and gave me a wave and told me to have fun. I wasn't sure about the fun part yet, but I just smiled and told her I would. Edward loaded Aston first. Aston was so funny when he realized he was going somewhere in the trailer. He practically pranced into the damn thing. Edward grinned at me. "I told you he liked showing."

Masen loaded quietly which was nice to see. We had been working on and off with him on getting used to Edward's trailer and it had obviously paid off. I climbed in the passenger side of the truck and waited for Edward to finish checking all the trailer connections. When he joined me he reached over and squeezed my hand. "Ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be."

We headed out. Edward had a little smile on his face. I wasn't quite sure what it was about. Finally I had to ask, "Why are you smiling?"

"I'm just excited for you today. I've been looking forward to your first time out with Aston."

"Oh." I hadn't realized how much this really meant to Edward. "What times am I riding at again?"

"Your first ride is at ten, the second is a few minutes after eleven. Plenty of warm up and relaxation time since we will get there a little before nine."

"Okay." I was quiet after that but Edward didn't force conversation. He knew I was nervous. However he never took his hand off mine. We arrived at the show grounds at a nearby local stable. Edward pulled into a shaded area and shut the truck off.

"I'm going to go get your number and then we'll unload."

I watched him walk over to the show tent, enjoying the view of him in breeches just as much as the first time I saw it. I opened the trailer side doors so the horses could stick their heads out and get some fresh air. Masen's eyes were a little big with apprehension while Aston's just looked excited. Softly I talked to both of them and petted their noses.

"Okay love." I turned and Edward had a number for me to slip on Aston's bridle. "No scratches so your ride times are still the same. Let's get tacked up. I'll put Masen back in the trailer while you actually ride your tests."

I nodded and watched while Edward unloaded Masen and tied him to the trailer. Then he grabbed Aston and handed him off to me. I tied him and ran a brush over him. There were already riders in the warm up ring, getting ready for their tests. I could hear other trainers talking to their students, and tests being called in the ring. I did my best to block out all the sounds around me and just focus on Aston. I tried to absorb his calm.

As I bridled Aston he gave me a little nudge with his nose, almost if he was trying to tell me - _relax, I got this._ I gave him a scratch on the neck as I fastened the buckles. "Thanks bud, I appreciate it."

Edward had Masen ready to go. He came over and adjusted the buckle under my helmet. "Leg up for good luck, turn around." Once he had me up in the saddle he pointed over towards the warm up. "I'll meet you over there, just go walk around."

"Okay." I headed Aston towards the warm up. There were only a few riders in there at the moment which was nice. I rode him around the center of the arena at a walk, staying out of the way of faster riders. Edward and I had already discussed warm up ring etiquette and what I needed to watch out for.

"Alright Bella," I turned on saw Edward walking in on Masen on a loose rein. Masen was surprisingly not too stressed out. Probably because Edward was so mellow. "Warm up like you do at home. You don't have to do anything different. Just another ride, okay?"

I nodded, my eyes focused on Aston's ears. "Bella actually answer me so I know you are breathing."

I giggled lightly, "Yes Edward."

"Better. Keep breathing please." Edward grinned at me.

I did my best to warm up just like it was any other day. Aston seemed a little more alert or energetic than he usually was. I came back to a walk after some cantering and asked, "Is he always like this? It's as if he knows he's about to be the center of attention."

Edward laughed. "He always has been. I retired him from showing just because we had done everything we could do, and I figured he'd earned the break. He never lost his love of showing. Wait until you have him braided up and at an A show, he really gets all puffed up then."

I reached down and patted Aston's neck. "You big prima donna."

"Do some more cantering Bella, he needs more stretch through his back." I went back to work, doing transitions and figures to loosen Aston up more. Edward was trotting around on Masen, just letting him check things out. I knew his main goal today was just making sure Masen stayed relaxed.

"I'm going back to the trailer Bella, I'll be back ten minutes before your test." I walked and looked at the clock. Shit. I felt a flock of butterflies take up residence in my stomach and took a deep breath. I had avoided watching any of the riders ahead of me because I knew it would do nothing but make it worse for me. I had no clue really how I compared to the rest, and I didn't want to.

I walked for a moment talking to Aston. "Okay bud, I know you know what you're doing. Hell this is as simple as the alphabet to you. So just try and keep me from looking like a total idiot, please." Aston snorted and I felt like he understood. I halted him for a moment and he turned his head back towards me, nosing my boot. "I do not want to let Edward down."

I went back to a mellow posting trot, just trying to remember to breathe and keep my body from tensing. I caught sight of Edward walking back and returned to the walk. He stood and the arena edge and motioned for me to come over. I joined him and he put one hand on my knee and smiled up at me. "Just listen to my voice Bella. I'll be calling the movements. If something goes wrong, keep going. I'm not allowed to repeat anything so be aware of that."

"Okay." Edward came through the fence and wiped of my boots, then took Aston's leg bandages off. He checked us over primping little details here and there. "I thought this was just a schooling show Edward." I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Old habits die hard. Besides, a good first impression never hurts. The little things count." Edward reached up and patted Aston's neck. "But, what did I say were the only two things you had to do today?"

"Stay on and stay in the ring. Anything after that is a bonus."

"Exactly." Edward looked at his watch and then back up to me. "Okay, lean down here and give me a kiss and we need to head to the ring."

I shook my head but leaned down and kissed him. Edward patted my leg again. "You'll be fine."

I followed Edward to the show arena, watching as he acknowledged the occasional person with a wave or a hello. The rider before me was just about to finish her test. Edward turned, "I'll be halfway down the arena. Don't be in a rush to go in once the judge rings the bell. You have a minute, it's more time than you think."

"Alright." The rider before me turned to leave the ring and I moved in to start walking around the outside of it. Edward positioned himself where he said he would be and as I passed him he took an exaggerated deep breath. Oh yeah, remember to breathe. I gave him a little smile and he gave me his crooked grin that helped me relax a little.

I said hello to the judge as we passed her in the booth. Aston was walking along like this was an everyday occurrence. Then the bell rang. I had a moment where my body tensed but I replayed Edward's instructions in my head. I looked over at him and he just nodded before he read out the first few movements. "A enter working trot rising. X halt, salute. Proceed working trot rising."

"Alright Aston," I whispered, "Let's do this." I picked up the trot and made a decent turn down the centerline, managing a pretty straight halt. Aston stood completely still as I saluted the judge. Edward's voice was in my ears announcing my next movements. I could hear him, and it was like my body went into auto pilot. I remembered to look up and towards whatever I was doing next. Honestly everything went by so fast. It was hard to track what I was doing as I went from one part of the test to the next. Suddenly I was trotting down the centerline and halting for the judge again, and the test was done.

I gave Aston a big pat and walked out of the arena on a loose rein. Edward met me at the end of the arena with a huge smile on his face. "Good job my love."

"I feel like I've been in a time warp."

Edward chuckled. "Normal." He held Aston as I hopped off. Once I was on the ground Edward enveloped me in a big hug. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks." I took my helmet off and brushed the sweaty hair off my forehead. "So feeling like the whole thing just blurs by…"

Edward led Aston and put his arm around my waist as we walked back to the trailer so I could Aston could get a drink of water. "It's normal, but it will get better. My guess is you felt like a passenger and not so much a rider."

"Yeah. I mean, I did what you said, and it went fine, but I just feel like I didn't do much. I know I could have gotten better canter transitions but I felt like all of a sudden the time for them was there and I hadn't prepared."

We reached the trailer and Edward traded Aston's bridle for his halter. He pulled Aston to the water where he took a couple big swallows. "You need to have more show hours to ride a test Bella, and actually _be_ riding it. Right now you are still learning to be a proactive rider at home. It's hard for you to remember to think ahead three or four movements in the test, especially if you are a little nervous. Yeah, his canter transitions were a little tense and hollow, not a big deal. Each test you ride it will become more natural to _ride_ each movement, instead of just _riding to_ each movement. Does that make sense?"

I grabbed a bottle of water and took a drink. "It does. I don't know how you did it Edward. Oh and thanks for the reminder to breathe." I laughed a little. "I did stop a couple times I think."

"Yeah you did, especially when the judge rang the bell. But I saw you recover. Okay you've got another twenty minutes to relax and then we need to put you back on." Edward loosened Aston's girth and hung his bridle up.

I bit my lip before I asked, "How was it really?"

Edward sighed and came over, placing both his hands on my shoulders. "It wasn't bad, especially for a first test. You had some moments of tension, which you already mentioned. You were correct in most of your movements, although your second centerline…." He trailed off and raised an eyebrow.

"I overshot it."

Edward pulled me in tighter to him. "See, I don't have to tell you. But regardless, first test I am still very proud of you. You did great."

"Thanks." I was still processing everything. I really hoped the whole time warp feeling decreased quickly. But I had survived, I had stayed on, and most importantly I hadn't made an idiot of myself.

Edward handed me a granola bar and I looked at it with some doubt. "You don't want go hypoglycemic on me do you?"

"No." Besides the butterflies that had been residing in my stomach seemed to have decided to nap. I ate it slowly though, almost testing that each bite was going to sit okay. Then it was time to warm up again for my next test. Edward gave me a leg up again before he got on Masen. We walked to the arena together.

"You won't need to work as much on relaxation, but more on waking him up a bit. Practice thinking about what you do as you warm up before you do it. That will help you work on decreasing the feeling like you were just a passenger."

Aston felt plenty awake to me. In fact he almost seemed a little more energetic than before my first test. "I don't think he needs a wake up Edward."

Edward watched for a moment as I trotted around. "Nope, he's perky alright."

I fought a laugh at 'perky'. "Yes he is."

"Transitions Bella. Make him focus the energy. Trot to walk, trot to canter, etc."

Edward was cantering Masen while I was trying to channel Aston's energy. Masen looked like he did when Edward rode him at home, which made me smile. Edward gave me a wave to let me know that he was taking Masen back to the trailer.

Aston and I walked on a loose rein for a moment. "Alright bud, one more and we are done and get to go home. All I ask is once again keep me from looking like a moron."

Edward reappeared and we went through the same tidying routine, and the kiss. He followed me to the arena and with a final pat on my thigh sent me back in again.

This test was the next one up in Training level. It had different movements but the same concepts and expectations. Edward grinned at me and crossed his eyes as I walked Aston by which got the response he wanted, laughter. The bell rang and it was time.

The feeling of time speeding by was still there. I did have moments where I found myself remembering to think a little. _Okay we have to canter at this corner so I need to half halt a little here and ask…now. _ When I halted and saluted at the end of the test, I still felt a bit like I wasn't sure how I got there. However I was done and I had done okay. I thought the test was better than my first one. Except my last halt wasn't square. I walked out and smiled when I saw Edward practically radiating happiness. You would have thought I'd just won a gold medal.

"My last halt wasn't square," I said as I got off Aston.

Edward raised an eyebrow at me. "That's the first thing out of your mouth. Bella's type A strikes again."

I rolled my eyes. "Sorry, it's only the last part of the test, it was on my mind." I took my helmet off and Edward took it. "The whole ride was better. I actually had a few moments where I was able to think."

Edward nodded. "I would agree completely." We headed back for the trailer. I changed out of my dress shirt in the tack room so that I didn't have to worry about it. I brushed off Aston while Edward disappeared for a few moments. I untied Aston and took him over to graze off to the side.

"Oh Bella….." I turned and saw Edward walking towards me with my first test in hand. I felt the butterflies stir a little but then they settled.

"Okay, how bad was it?" I snatched the test out of his hand and looked at the front. Fifty eight percent. Wait, fifty eight percent, that was almost sixty. Edward was watching my expression. "It's pretty good."

"You scored about what I figured you would." I opened the test and read the judge's comments down the side. They made sense with the test as I remembered it. I had scored a mix of fives and sixes, but I got a seven on my first halt.

"I got a seven on my halt! And a seven on rider under the collective marks." The rest of the collectives for submission, gaits and impulsion were sixes.

Edward just stood there with a little smile on his face. "Yep. I told you. Oh and you got this too." He held out a white ribbon.

"Fourth place. I got fourth place." I stood and stared at the ribbon and took it from him. "Wow."

"Given your first test I will tell you now that you definitely broke sixty in your second test." Edward leaned back against the trailer. "So congratulations."

"Thank you." I was still staring at the ribbon. I reached over and patted Aston. "Check it out bud."

"Sure, thank the horse and not the trainer."

I looked up and could tell Edward was kidding, but still I felt bad. "Edward I'm sorry. Thank you, for everything today."

"You are very welcome. There were only a few more riders in your second class so the results should be in on that pretty soon. Then we can go home."

I groaned and leaned against Aston's side. "That sounds good. I'm wiped out." I tied Aston back to the trailer and started wrapping his legs for the ride home. I sat and drank some water. I was starving now. Thank God I had eaten that granola bar that Edward had given me. Edward walked back to go see if scores were in. I made sure all the tack was where it needed to be before we headed home. The trailer sunk as Edward stepped in the tack room behind me.

"Well?" I turned and knew from his failed attempt to hide a smile that I must have scored okay. Edward handed me the test. I looked down and saw a sixty one. Sixty one percent. Then a red ribbon appeared under my nose. Second place.

The next thing I knew I had jumped up and wrapped both my arms tight around Edward's neck. He quickly grabbed me and held me to him. "I take it you are pleased with that."

I kissed his cheek and grinned. "Just a little."

Edward leaned in and kissed me softly. "I am too." He set me down carefully and my legs wobbled just a bit. "Let's get your impressive first time show butt home."

"Okay. Can we stop at McDonald's or something?"

Edward chuckled. "Hungry now?"

"Yes."

"Not a problem." Edward headed to get the horses loaded and I read through my second test. Grabbing my water I climbed into the truck I stared at my two ribbons. I could get used to this whole showing thing.

**EPOV**

_Every day I live  
Try my best to give  
All I have to you  
Thank the stars above  
That we share this love, me and you_

_Me and You ~ Kenny Chesney_

I had told Aston earlier when I loaded him in the trailer to go to the show to take care of Bella today, and he hadn't let me down. Not that I was really concerned about him. I just knew from the moment Bella woke up this morning she was wound tight. She had a right to be nervous at her first show. I just didn't want her so tense she couldn't function.

As I called Bella's tests for her I watched as much as I could. She did really well for her first time out. I knew becoming accustomed to riding a dressage test took time. I was pretty sure all she felt right now was a blur of time passing.

I told Bella I was proud of her and I was. Immensely proud. She had come a long way from the woman who started not that long ago on a lunge line for her lessons. But the fact that she had natural ability helped tremendously.

The highlight of my day was handing her that first test and ribbon. I watched disbelief and then happiness come over Bella's face. Now I was bringing her second test, and a second place ribbon to go with it. I grinned to myself as I approached the trailer. I could see her in the tack room putting everything in its place.

"Well?" Bella turned around as I stepped in the trailer with her. Silently I gave her the test and then presented her with the ribbon as she was looking down reading her score. She read her score out loud, saw the ribbon, and jumped on me.

I stumbled back one step as I gripped her with my arms. I smiled feeling the stranglehold she had on me. "I take it you are pleased with that."

She planted a kiss on my cheek, "Just a little."

"I am too." I put her back down. Bella's happiness made my day. "Let's get your impressive first time show butt home."

Not surprisingly Bella was hungry. I knew she would be and we hit McDonald's on the way home. Bella reached over and stole one of my french fries. I tried to block her hand. "Hey, those are mine. You have your own."

"Yours taste better." Bella grinned as she stole another fry. I reached over and took one of hers with a wink.

We pulled in at home and unloaded Masen and Aston. I grabbed Bella's ribbons and met her at Aston's stall with two push pins. She took them from me with a little smile but obviously confused. "It's tradition. You need to hang them on his stall. In a week we will put them up in the office."

"Oh. Okay." Bella pinned both ribbons to the front of Aston's door and then stood back and looked at them. I walked behind her and wrapped my arms around her.

"Happy about today?" I was still making sure, I felt I had to.

"Yes." Bella leaned back into me with a little sigh.

"Did you manage to have fun?"

Bella laughed. "Most of the time yes."

"Good." I kissed the side of her neck. "That means you'd do it again?"

Bella turned and looked up at me. "Yes I would."

We headed inside and Bella went straight for the shower. I went online to see if an email I was waiting for had arrived. It had. A friend was taking pictures at the show of another rider and offered to take Bella's too. I didn't tell her because it would just add to her tension. I opened up the zip file and scanned through the pics. There were some really nice shots. I found several that I wanted to enlarge and frame.

I closed down the email. I would show Bella later when she wasn't so tired. Her eyes had betrayed how worn she was from the day before she went to shower. Bella wandered out with wet hair in her tank top and flannel pants a few minutes later. She padded over and sat on my lap. "Feel better?"

Bella nodded and leaned her damp head on my shoulder. "Your turn."

"Now that you just got comfy?" I rubbed her back and she smiled up at me.

"You smell like a horse sweetie. Not that I mind." Bella sniffed my chest and grinned at me.

"I'll go shower. See if there is anything good on television for us to watch." Bella stood up and gave me a mock salute.

"Yes Sir."

I just rolled my eyes and went to clean up. When I came back out in my sweats I found Bella had crashed on her side on the couch. I sat down next to her and she stirred and blinked up at me. I reached down and stroked her cheek. "Go back to sleep."

Bella shook her head. "Nope. Not without you." She patted the couch next to her.

"As if I wouldn't be joining you." I lay down next to her and Bella snuggled into my side. "I might have a fondness for when you nap on me."

Bella giggled. "I like napping on you." Just then Hallie joined up, jumping up on the foot of the couch, eying my feet.

"You might as well Hallie, everyone else is." I pulled the fleece throw over the both of us and Hallie promptly came down and curled up between my feet. Once everyone was settled I put it on ESPN and zoned out. Bella promptly fell back to sleep, her body warm and relaxed against mine. She had one leg and one arm over me, basically hanging onto me. Her head was tucked against my shoulder. I leaned down occasionally and kissed the top of her head, enjoying the smell of her fresh from the shower.

My mind was wandering a little. I still couldn't believe sometimes that this was where I had ended up. I had never thought this would happen. Now that I was here, engaged, and deeply in love with a woman who I wanted to spend my life with, I wouldn't trade it for anything. All the crap I had gone through to arrive here was completely and totally worth it.

Bella shifted and mumbled my name in her sleep. I would marry her right this moment if I could. That thought bounced around my head for a minute or two. It wasn't the first time I had pondered it either. Why were we waiting to get married? I suppose the wrath of Alice were we to alter our plans should be enough of a deterrent. However there were times, especially after I almost lost her, that I didn't want to delay. I wanted Bella to be my wife, now.

However I had to wait. August was not that long off since it was the end of March now. I would find the patience somehow to make it until then.

The next day I showed Bella the photos and she was thrilled I had my friend take pictures for her of her first show. She promptly sent some off to Charlie and her Mom via email so they could see as well. We discussed which ones we wanted to print and frame. Bella grinned widely as she watched me enlarge them and print them off. "I can't believe that's me. I mean I know it's me, but well you know…."

"I know. First real show is in a month and a half. You on Aston and me on Masen. I just wanted to make sure it was okay before I sent entries in."

Bella laughed. "Yes, you may send them in. We won't be in the same classes will we?"

I shook my head. "No because I cannot show as an amateur since I train professionally. You haven't declared professional status so you can show in the amateur or open classes. Not to mention I think Masen will go first level instead of training, but I'm not one hundred percent on that yet. However it will be easier to help you if we are riding different levels due to how they usually schedule things."

"How long is the show?"

"Like last time. Saturday and Sunday, we haul in Friday. Same place even."

Bella nodded. "Alright then."

I was happy to see the ease with which Bella was falling into the idea of showing. But I knew a lot of that had to do with the fact that she now had made it through a schooling show. Showing had a way of becoming contagious. Once you started you just wanted to do more. Especially if like Bella and me, you were a naturally competitive person.

The week following the schooling show was the usual routine. Until Thursday that is. Thursday was the day it seemed like every little thing that could happen to screw with the day did. The water heater for the wash rack blew, literally, releasing gallons of hot water into the wash rack from the bottom of the tank. Thank God no one was in there when it happened. I shut the water off to it and called a repairman to bring in a replacement.

Then Aston broke out in hives. Something in the pasture had given him an allergic reaction. I went to bring him in and just rolled my eyes when I saw him. Freaking horse. I grabbed him and brought him inside. Bella took one look and her eyes grew huge.

"It's just hives. Must've brushed up or eaten something that he's allergic to in the pasture. He's done it before." I took him in the wash rack. "Would you grab the aisle hose please and bring it in here Bella. Good thing I want cold water anyway."

Bella brought me the hose and then walked back to turn it on for me. I started spraying Aston of with the cold water starting with his legs and working my way up his body. I was grateful the weather was pleasant enough for a cold hosing.

Bella watched as Aston shifted under the spray of the water. "I think that makes him feel better."

"Probably. Would you draw up a dose of Banamine for me please? I'll give him an injection to help take down the inflammation."

Bella disappeared and returned in a few minutes with the syringe for me. I set the hose down long enough to swab Aston's neck with some alcohol and give him the intravenous injection. "Alright you big pain in the ass. That ought to help too." I went back to hosing him and Bella went out to bring in Masen and Gunner.

I had just put Aston away when Bella came in with a limping Gunner. "Edward?" Her voice was anxious and I felt my blood pressure rise for a moment.

"Fucking hell," I muttered. "Yeah I see. Stop there." He was clearly favoring his right front leg. I walked down to the end of the aisle where Bella stood holding Gunner. I squatted down by his leg. There was no obvious swelling or heat in his leg, or sign of injury. That was good. I located his pulse point over both feet and found the one for his right foot was pounding harder than the left. Then I ran my hand down over his right hoof, felt the left to compare, and knew I had found the problem. "He has an abscess brewing. Let me hold him Bella. Feel down his leg like I did. Then compare the temperature of both front feet."

Bella squatted down and did what I instructed. "Wow, there is a big difference. His right foot is hot."

I nodded. "Yep. Now feel right here." I put her fingers on the pulse point. "Feel the pulse?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now find it on the other side and compare those. Do you feel the difference?"

Bella felt the left and then switched back and forth a couple times. "Yes, I think. The right feels stronger somehow."

"All indications of inflammation in that foot. We'll pick it out to make sure he doesn't have a nail or something like that imbedded in his hoof. Usually when you get a sudden onset of lameness with heat like that, it's an abscess." Bella took Gunner back while I grabbed the hoof pick. I cleaned his foot out thoroughly and fortunately did not find any penetrating objects.

"Good, no nails or anything." I went and grabbed what we needed to treat him. Bella watched me carefully.

"I think we should've read our horoscopes today or something Edward."

I laughed. "Maybe. There are just days like this sometimes. Especially in a barn with horses. They can find a million different ways to mess with your day."

Newton wandered in and flopped in a patch of sun in the doorway. He stretched and stared over at us with narrow yellow eyes. "Lazy ass cat. Why don't you go catch mice or something?" Newton just blinked slowly and rolled onto his back.

Bella chuckled. "He really took that request seriously Edward."

"It's Newton, what do you expect?" I pulled out a roll of duct tape and started tearing off strips.

"What are you going to do Edward?"

"Poultice it with Epsom salt paste. Helps pull out the inflammation and hopefully encourage the abscess to open and drain. If it doesn't we will have to have Jake come and dig it out." I grabbed a diaper out of the box and Bella stared at me.

"A diaper?"

"Yep, they make great hoof bandages. Watch." I took gauze and thoroughly coated the bottom of his foot with a thick layer of paste. After I had the paste and gauze in, I centered the diaper over it, wrapping the fasteners around to the front of his hoof. Gunner set his foot down and Bella grinned.

"Okay whoever figured that out was clever. It's works like a little bootie."

I nodded as I picked his foot back up. "Hand me the duct tape pieces one by one please."

I placed the tape in layers over the bottom of his foot, providing a layer of protection from moisture. Plus it kept the diaper on and in one piece, if you put enough sections on. I finished the layers and let Gunner put the foot back down again. I trimmed the excess tape ends and stood up. "Okay, a couple grams of bute and we are done with him."

Bella squatted down and looked at the hoof bandage. "That is just too cool. Will it hold up overnight?"

"Absolutely. That's what the duct tape is for. But he is limited to his stall and paddock until we have it draining."

"Okay." Bella gave Gunner some bute paste and then walked him slowly down to his stall. He was still limping of course, but hopefully in the morning he would be feeling better. The bute would ease some of the discomfort.

Bella came back and I smiled. "Anyone else need drugs or treatment that you've seen?"

She shook her head. "No thank goodness. Everyone else is fine. Besides, they say trouble comes in threes, and we've had our three today."

"Good point."

Once everyone was fed we walked towards the house. Bella took my hand and grinned at me. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, but for what?"

"Teaching me. I learned some valuable things this afternoon."

"Oh. Well it's easy to teach such a gorgeous and bright student, who also happens to want to marry me for some odd reason."

Bella blushed. "Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?"

I stopped and wrapped my arms around her waist. "Sometimes I don't think I deserve you."

Bella frowned at me. "Edward Cullen, don't be ridiculous. You deserve the best. I just hope you think I qualify."

"Wouldn't have proposed if I didn't." I leaned down like I was going to kiss her but then ducked suddenly and started in like I was going to bite her neck. Bella broke into a fit of giggles and squirmed.

"Edward, what the hell?"

I pulled back and grinned. "You looked tasty all of a sudden, I couldn't help myself."

Bella tugged on my hand to lead me to the house. "Well if you follow me I know where we can go that's all you can eat."

"Really?" Bella nodded, a naughty smile on her face. "Okay, but on one condition."

Bella raised an eyebrow, "What's the condition?"

"We make it carry in." I bent down and picked Bella up, throwing her gently over my shoulder.

"You goof…." Bella grabbed my waist and hung on, laughing as she tried to tickle me.

"Don't do that, I'll drop you." I gave her butt a smack and she gave me one in exchange. "Oh, you want to play that game do you?"

"No I want you to walk faster Cullen, I'm hungry." Bella spanked me again.

"As you wish love." I smiled as I carried her inside. Life was never boring, for many reasons. And I liked it that way.

* * *

**Well I hope everyone enjoyed Bella's first foray into dressage showing. Please note that any suggested health/veterinary care of the horses in this chapter is from my personal experience and vet student education. It is not meant to diagnose or advise the proper treatment for your horses.**

**Voting for the Silent Tear awards is still open, even though it isn't supposed to be. (?). I'm up for best author. The link for voting is up at the end of Ch. 17 of Ride the Wind if you would like to vote. Also nominations for The Golden Lemon Awards have opened. Google and nominate my lemons or other faves from other authors.**

**Review please...it makes my RL demons much more tolerable to bear. Love you all.  
**


	9. NOT a new chapter

I swore as a FF author I would never post this type of thing, but I feel like I owe my readers an apology and explanation. I have finished RTW and as I said, I will be returning to ASEA to finish it next. However I am only 2 weeks into my 4th year vet school hospital rotations, and am adjusting to my new schedule. Things have been absolutely crazy and I will admit my mind has been anywhere but writing. But I promise I will be finishing/working on ASEA next. I thank all of you who have written me to ask if I would.

Don't review this posting, as I will take it down when I start posting to ASEA again, but feel free to send me a message. Thank you for all the love and support you all have been sending me. If you want to know more what is going on, or just know when things are happening, come find me on facebook. There is a fan group and I have a page as well. Just search for Iadorepugs Fanfiction, and if you friend request, let me know you are a FF reader. You MUST be over 18.

Love, hugs and Horseward promises he will be back soon, and he has the vetwrap ready.

Pugs


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